i've got to keep control...
this can either be filed under the heading of "you're a control freak!" (cross-referenced with "can you just sit down and shut up already?") or "eh...at least we finally had sex again."
sunday afternoon, after a seduction move that played out a bit like this:
me (crawling up my semi-comatose husband, prone on the couch): "so, gov'nor...fancy a bit of a poke?"
husband: "ah, let us make haste to the sleeping chambers, wench!"
cut to the bedroom (after a stern talking administered to the boys, who were told we were going to be "napping" and that means please ignore us when we tell you to sit down, watch the next three - if i'm lucky - episodes of spongebob and don't make a sound). Twenty-some odd minutes into a spectacularly executed handjob (yeah, i'm a giver), the telephone rings, and without missing a beat, i unfurled the fingers of my left hand and reached over to grab the cordless from the nightstand, all while maintaining a hold with my right.
didn't even think twice.
obviously, i barely thought once.
the handjob continued up to the point i heard my mother's voice on the other end of the phone. after that, it's quite amazing i didn't burst into the teenage girl i was the time my mother found me entangled with a boy on the living room couch. flustered, embarrassed that i'd been touching 'things' and utterly unable to make eye contact with her piercing beams of scorn.
i actually laid there and talked to my freakin' mother! there was no "can i call you back in an hour or so, cause i'm gettin' some and it's been awhile." no "remember what sex is, mom? well before i forget, i really gotta end this call."
i laid there and listened to her tell me about her afternoon trip to a funeral visitation! for 20 minutes!
this should have been the mood dampening signal that there'd be no sex on this day set aside for rest and rejuvenation. the biggest clue ever that i obviously have issues with multi-tasking and perhaps i need to seek out a little help on how to stop and do one thing at a time and do it well before moving on to the next thing on my list.
however, bless him, my husband finally took it upon himself to distract me quite nicely with some mattress-gripping oral (and in case you're wondering, that's unusual here at our palace. um, the mattress-gripping part).
lucky for me a conversation with my mother involves a lot of "yes" and "uh-huh" comments, enhanced with the occasional "god." it was only afterward that i was freaked at the notion that my mother, unbeknownst to her, contributed to my sex life this weekend.
so, i suppose, all ends well that starts kind of well. sure, this wasn't enough for me to be able to quash my need to do 20 things at once. and ok, yes, i'm a smidge creeped out at the idea that i actually stayed on the phone with my mom during a sex act. but mattress-gripping, people. i needed to grip a mattress.
so, i'm partial to filing this under "eh...at least we finally had sex again," with a post-it noting the whole "control freak" reference on the file. i'll worry about the psychological impact of it all later.
like when my sister calls.