no we're not gonna work this out tonight...
Me: "So, boys, listen, tomorrow Mommy really wants to go see..."
My sons, in unions: "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GO SEE THE JONAS BROTHERS MOVIE!!"
Me: "...the Jonas Brothers mov...wha? Why? Why can't I go see the Jonas Brothers movie?"
Oldest son: "Um, HELLO!! You're a MOM!!!"
Youngest son: "Yeah! You're a MOM!! And the Jonas Brothers suck!!"
Me: "Listen here, mister, we do not use that word in this house! Do you think Joe Jonas' Mom likes it if he uses that word? I bet she doesn't, and because of that, I bet Joe doesn't even think to use that word, ever!"
(except in my head, Joe TOTALLY knows how to use that word, and he likes to use that word for the reasons that randomly cross my mind so often that he can't help but sing it...)
Oldest son: "But they do!!"
Me: --- wonk eyeing both boys --
Me: "Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to get out of school early tomorrow and go with me to the theater to see it, but since you apparently don't appreciate fine art..."
(words trail off as bait dangles in front of boys, and behind my back, my fingers cross in hopeful anticipation because...well, I need an excuse to go to this movie...)
Youngest son: "I think I'll finish the school day, if that's alright with you. We're having an 'sembly."
Oldest son: "No boys are going to see this movie, Mom, so there's no way we're going with you."
Me: "Boys like the Jonas Brothers!
Oldest son: "Name one, Mom."
Me, ignoring question: "Here, let's watch this video clip again. See!? Right there! There's a boy!"
Oldest son: "That's somebody's Dad, Mom. Besides, you just wanted to watch Joe again."
(I can't argue with the truth. What I can do is inform you - since, honestly, how many of you are going to watch it - that, in the above clip, a random dude does pop up in the crowd at the 1:03 mark. I can also tell you that at the 2:12 mark, the brothers pick up big hoses and shoot even bigger streams of thick foam out onto the crowd of adolescent girls (and no apparent boys), and if that isn't super subliminal - and the fodder of at least two of my recent dreams because hello, Joe, you look very happy squirting your stuff all over the place - I don't know what is. Now, give me four minutes, because I need to watch this clip again...)
Me: "Maybe that Dad said, 'Hey, honey! The Jonas Brothers are going to be playing in concert here today. Want to go see them with me?' and unlike you two, his kid jumped at the chance to spend some time with her parent. Would that suck so bad?"
Youngest son: "I thought you said we don't use that word in this house!"Me: ...sigh...
Long story short, I need a date to this movie! I mean, sure, I went to see Hanson in concert last fall (ha ha - fooled you! You thought that link would take you to Mmmbop, but I like this song, too!)(also, if you clicked on that, why aren't you clicking on the Jonas Brothers clip, hmmmbop?), so why would I not buck up and go to the theater by myself to see this movie? If I were 14, it would be no problem. I'd gather up my posse of fellow JoBro pals - the one who liked Nick and the one who liked Kevin, and the one who would tell me not to use the word posse - and we'd go. But I'm 41, and my posse (that younger girl who told me not to say that word was kind of a bitch, so...) of female friends include several who don't even know who the Jonas Brothers are (which makes me all, "What the hell? Did you just wake up, Snow White? Welcome to Earth, E.T."). I even called my friend WHO HAS A SON NAMED JONAS (coincidence? I think not)(my friend would beg to differ)(also, the kid was born before the Jonas Brothers blew up)(don't even think of telling me you wish the Jonas Brothers would actually blow up!), and the first words out of her mouth were, "Please don't ask me to go see that movie with you," and then I may have stepped outside and rang my doorbell and told her someone was at the door and I had to go (cry).
Anyway, if you're in the Midwest and want to hang out with me in the dark tomorrow, I will spring for the popcorn, and I won't say the word posse (unless you ask, and then we'll say it so much that we laugh and laugh because when we do, it starts to sound like another word, so we'll laugh and laugh some more until the young girls around us tell us to shut up, and I'll turn around and tell them we don't use that word in this house. Well, we don't use either of those words in my house - at least openly - and then we'll giggle, because it felt right). The first showing at theaters here is 12:20 p.m., Friday. Actually, the first showings are at 12:01 A.M., but I feel it necessary to say - again - that I'm not 14 anymore, thus, I'm nobody's spring chicken (as evidenced by the fact I just used the phrase 'nobody's spring chicken').
(I just asked Tool Man if he'd take me tomorrow because he's off work. He laughed at me. I will now officially up my date proposal ante to include a candy item of your choice and - maybe - casually holding hands)
Labels: this is an S.O.S.