...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

'little bitty child when you laugh, I smile'

On Saturday, two people very important in my life will be celebrating their respective birthdays. The first is the one and only Mr. Neil Diamond, a man I hold in such high honor I feel he must be looked at with eyes first cast downward in reverence until such time as His Holiness grants you permission to look upon him.

I am not kidding. In my opinion, Neil Leslie Diamond, that
New York City boy born and raised, is the tits, and if you've ever so much as hummed along to Sweet Caroline, you know that's true. You also know you can't just hum along to Sweet Caroline. Nobody can. I guarantee you, when (not if!) you hear that song start, before you even realize what's going on, you've started singing along with it. Neil Diamond is Pavlov and we are all his salivating dogs.

However, this post isn't about Neil Diamond. No. That one is coming some day. Today's post is about the other very important person in my life celebrating a birthday on Saturday - my youngest son, who will turn seven years old. His official time of birth is 10:55 p.m. (in the event you wish to raise a glass of apple juice or perhaps an appletini in his honor). He's asked me to wake him to mark the occasion, and I may be a lot of things, but I'm no fool. You don't wake that kid up after he's fallen asleep unless you want to battle with a beast far worse than anything you can even imagine and then multiply that by two.

This has been a big year for my son, who is a rapidly growing, wiry mass of Unstoppable. Every time he turns around, he's
losing teeth and growing out of shoes, yet each time I think he's growing just enough to escape my reach, he comes into a room and charges into me for a hug. Each time he does, I hold him a little tighter, squeeze him a little harder, hoping to hold back the day when he realizes girls are yucky, and oh, hey, I'm a girl. When we can be quiet in the moment, I often whisper my thanks for him, careful not to let my breath flutter his ash blond hair and cause him to move from me.

It's also been a tough year. For the first time in his life, my son realized
there are people who will act out at you for no other reason than "because." It's safe to say that I may have cried more tears over this experience than my son did, and when you consider I wiped a lot of tears from his cheeks, you can be sure I wept a lot knowing he was hurting. I'm happy to say that today, after a lot of work with school administrators and staff, the situation is no longer an issue, and it's a joy to walk my smiling, happy son to the corner each morning for the bus again.

On my computer is a picture of my son sporting green swim goggles, hands on his hips, his gaze aimed skyward, just like the most awesome of awesomest superheroes. I love it because he looks just like the performer he is. He's already very much a patron of the arts
the arts, and quick with a the jokes. Unlike his birthday buddy, Neil, my son is not quite the Master O' The Song. Sadly, his songs are often best classified as straight up noise rather than a beautiful noise. Case in point - his chart bottom dweller called Fart. It goes a little something like this: "Fart, fart, fart, fart, I'm going to fart! Fart, fart, fart, fart, didja smell that fart?" As you can imagine, I get a little weary of hearing this song, but when I think of asking him to stop, I hear Neil's voice in my head, telling me to let the little boy sing. So I let him, and I drink a little more red, red wine (followed by a double shot of love on the rocks) to make it through his encore number.

So happy birthday to my son. And to Neil. And to Yakov Smirnoff and Mary Lou Retton.Sorry I couldn't tie you two into this post. Maybe next year.

p.s. - I just realized I share a birthday with Frida Lyngstad, one-fourth of the musical powerhouse known as ABBA - aka the best frickin' supergroup in the world because hello! Have you ever NOT sang along to DancingQueen? I rest my case. Be prepared for that post in November!



Blogger Unknown said...

happy birthday. i look forward to the abba/dkg birthday post. i <3 abba so much it hurts sometimes.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 10:15:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Happy Birthday to him. On Saturday. And to Neil. Dah dah dah! Sorry, just have Sweet Caroline in my head now. Thanks a bunch.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 10:16:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Happy Birthday to your son and Neil! Now I have Sweet Caroline and Dancing Queen in my head.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 10:27:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

wiry mass of Unstoppable...

that is just amazing.

Those two paragraphs whipped my snarky ass.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Happy birthday, to your son, and to Neil.

Do I make you jealous, if I let you know that I sat 3rd row center at one of Neil's concerts? hmmmm?

*wanders off to find Sweet Caroline and listen to it again*

*and again*

*and yet again*

Thanks fadkog, sheeesh!

Thursday, January 22, 2009 11:16:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Best version of Sweet Caroline is in the movie "Beautiful Girls". Because, at the end of the day, it's a drunken barroom sing-a-long song.

Friday, January 23, 2009 12:23:00 AM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Ahh, you're raising an Aquarian too. T's birthday is in early February and he's quite the actor also.
They're delightful aren't they, and when they're happy, they just glide through the world.

He's a lucky guy to have such a proactive mom. I'm glad things have turned a corner for him. You make me cry every time you talk about it.

Friday, January 23, 2009 12:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neil Diamond always reminds me of my mother and her friends getting drunk in their long denim skirts and telling me to go to bed already.

So I am yawning and covering my eyes as a reflex action.

Happy Birthday to your little guy.

Friday, January 23, 2009 5:16:00 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Happy Birthday one and all. (My MIL and SIL's ADORE Neil. Can they be in your club??)

Friday, January 23, 2009 5:37:00 AM  
Blogger Tim Atkinson said...

That is one awesome song (Caroline, I mean - not the farting one!).

Friday, January 23, 2009 6:35:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Happy b-day to the little guy (and Neil).

Friday, January 23, 2009 7:03:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Well, you know this is where we part ways, you and I. I have the song Cinnamon Girl by Neil YOUNG in my head.

Happy Birthday to the little dude.

Friday, January 23, 2009 7:14:00 AM  
Blogger DKC said...

Happy pre-Birthday to the boy! How cool to be sharing it with the legendary Neil Diamond. I hope he has a great day. (Your son, not Neil Diamond. Although I wish Neil Diamond has a great day too.)

"Forever in Blue Jeans" is one of my favorites!

Friday, January 23, 2009 7:20:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Have a wonderful day with your son, FADKOG.

Friday, January 23, 2009 7:54:00 AM  
Blogger Leandra said...

Happy Birthday to youngest son!! And to Neil Diamond, of course. I love me some ND, but I have to ask you? What the hell is a Cracklin Rosie? Is it some sort of code? What does it even mean?

Friday, January 23, 2009 7:54:00 AM  
Blogger Pearl said...

You're a very funny writer!

Friday, January 23, 2009 8:10:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

oh yes...i WILL be singing sweet caroline all day. my poor, poor coworkers...

Friday, January 23, 2009 8:33:00 AM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

Happy Birthday, little dude!

(am turning on itunes now to listen to Sweet Caroline..thanks)

Friday, January 23, 2009 8:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will forgive you the whole Neil Diamond thing simply because it's your son's birthday.

But next time darling, expect a smack down.

Happy birthday to your baby.

Friday, January 23, 2009 8:55:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

Happy Birthday to your little guy. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, quite like an ode to the fart. Could I be speaking from experience? Hmm...

Friday, January 23, 2009 9:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seconding the awesome on "wiry mass of unstoppable." Great, great line.

A very happy birthday to both Neil Diamond and your son, who I sincerely hope you didn't burden with the middle name "Leslie."

Friday, January 23, 2009 9:14:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Happy Birthday to your little man!

Friday, January 23, 2009 9:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn it. Now I have that song stuck in my head.

Happy Birthday to you little boy.

Friday, January 23, 2009 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

Not only is it impossible not to sing "Sweet Caroline", it is written that it will be stuck in your head all the livelong day. Which leads me to the conclusion that I'm merely another Pavlovian bitch. I'd always suspected as much.

Happy Birthday to both of your Big Men on (Earth's) Campus. This is a great tribute to both.

Friday, January 23, 2009 10:18:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I can't believe you passed over the opportunity to write more about the comedy genius of Yakov Smirnoff.

Friday, January 23, 2009 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

I couldn't find "Fart" on iTunes? Can you send me a CD single?

Happy B-day, son of FADKOG. Don't be a solitary man.

Friday, January 23, 2009 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Happy Birthday to yer boy!

You are such a mom. . .

And I mean that as a good thing. . .

But no, I can honestly say that I've never sung along to 'Dancing Queen'. . .

Friday, January 23, 2009 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Happy Birthday to FADKOG's son and to Neil.
The only celebrity I know if that has my bday is Katherine Heigl, and I was born 5 years earlier.

Friday, January 23, 2009 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy said...

Happy birthday. I was just thinking of the bullying issue the other day, and here you've gone and answered my questions. I'm so glad it worked out for everyone.

Have a big glass of wine tonight in celebration!

Friday, January 23, 2009 1:06:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

excellent post. Your son sounds like he is the shit, and that he and my 8 yr old would get along famously. You made me tear up a little, since my 2 yr old has potty trained herself and started sleeping in a bed in the course of the past three weeks, so I am a little raw with emotion over my kids growing up at the moment.

But it sure is a beautiful thing to be witness to, right in the front row. You can't pay for those seats...

Friday, January 23, 2009 1:09:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ah, but does Neil Diamond ever sing about farts? I think your son may have him there.

Happy Birthday to both!

Friday, January 23, 2009 2:01:00 PM  
Blogger kaila said...

I once saw a waltzing waters show at the Wisconsin Dells that was totally themed around Neil Diamond music. I was about 12, so I didn't really care at the time, but I'm pretty sure my mom threw her panties and bra into the water.

Happy Birthday to your little boy.

Friday, January 23, 2009 2:34:00 PM  
Blogger Bunny said...

Happy B-day, Little Man! Give him a hug from your invisible (imaginary?) internet friends, k?

My boy turned 8 last week and my girl turns 4 on Sunday. So I know your joy and pain in their growing up, up, and eventually away. :-S

Friday, January 23, 2009 3:58:00 PM  
Blogger MsPicketToYou said...

you had me at sweet caroline and the thing about those "people"? your superhero deserves anything he wants.

Friday, January 23, 2009 5:23:00 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

I wasn't THAT much of a Neil Diamond fan until I saw Saving Silverman. Totally converted me.

Happy birthday to the "little man" - may his heart stay pure as long as possible (which I understand to be somewhere around 11.)

Friday, January 23, 2009 5:58:00 PM  
Blogger cIII said...

Happy birthday, son of FADKOG!!

That sounds similar to "Son of Jarel, Kneel before Zod!!"

Sort of.

I downloaded "Fart" from the Pirate Bay.

Big, big Fan.

Happy birthday, Superman.

p.s.- Girls do, indeed, have Cooties. Beware.

Friday, January 23, 2009 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Happy birthday to the youngest son! And of course the amazing Neil Diamond (because you are so very right!)

Friday, January 23, 2009 7:55:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I hope you (I mean your son of course ;-) ) have a great celebration.


The Word Verification is "hydish", which sounds like a great candidate for a new word - I wonder what it could mean?

Saturday, January 24, 2009 5:05:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Oh poor poor DKOG. My heart breaks for you. If there was only a magical pill you could shove in their gogurt to make them stay little...*sigh* I would totally shove that lil pill down my children's throats like tic-tacs I would. Birthday's are suppose to be so much fun-and they are really, just they bring a realization that eventually they leave and when that happens I get this twinge in my ovaries to RELEASE! RELEASE! sadly, I'm far too old to drop bombs like that anymore and have them grow to be productive members of society.

Big warm hugs coming your way today...

At 10:55pm I say you do what the "mother" did...

But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 8:36:00 AM  
Blogger sam {temptingmama} said...

Happy Birthdays all around!!

And I LOVE Neil Diamond! Sweet Caroline and America are my faves.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 10:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy birthday little FADKOG child! Oh and you too, Neil.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 3:16:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Sweet Caroline buh buh buh BUH!
Good times never seemed so good.

Love Neil Diamond. Don't tell anyone. Brother Loves Traveling Salvation Show. Rockin' tune.

Happy Birthday to your beautimous sweet boy!

Saturday, January 24, 2009 4:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy birthday little dude! I love that you're able to really appreciate your kids instead of just getting through the day as a mom. I know that can be hard to do.

My youngest will be 1 in 3 weeks. I'm terrified by the thought of none of my kids being babies anymore!

Saturday, January 24, 2009 5:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Turning on my heart light and wishing the boy a happy day.

(Also, I'd be careful not to hold your lighter up and sway during that fart song, if I were you)

Saturday, January 24, 2009 5:30:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Happy Birthday to your son!!! And of course to Mr. Diamond.

Personally, I'd like to thank you for sticking Sweet Caroline in my head on an endless loop. Oh...I'll get even with you...just you wait....


Saturday, January 24, 2009 5:43:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Happy birthday, little guy! Hope you had a great day!

No one cool shares my birthday. So I guess they all have to say they have the same birthday as me.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 7:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy birthday, little dude!
I share a birthday with Prince Charles. It's like I'm practically royalty.

Sunday, January 25, 2009 10:41:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Happy Birthday to your little dude. Seven seems so old and it's something I'm dreading coming up in a few months.

As for Neil Diamond...I've totally sung along to Sweet Caroline. Hotty Hubby scoffed at this and said "umm no. I have not sung along to Sweet Caroline". He did however FULLY appreciate little dude's Fart Song. Such connoisseur.

I'm with you on the ABBA thing too.

Sunday, January 25, 2009 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

Oh..and I share a birthday with Stevie Nicks (sweet!), Hank Williams Jr. (also cool), Lenny Kravitz (um hello hotness!)

Sunday, January 25, 2009 12:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Weird Al was misunderstood too and you see how much cash he has now. Happy Birthday little man. Keep on farting.

Sunday, January 25, 2009 8:58:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Thank you all for extending birthday greetings to my amazingly delightful son, as well as the amazingly delightful Mr. Neil Diamond, who, if I knew him, would hear of these greetings, too. I'm pretty sure he'd have been as thrilled as my son was, and would look at me with less confusion than my 7 year old, who was a bit perplexed to hear "Computer People" were wishing him a fantastic day!

Truly, thank you. If I shared my kids fully with you, I'd have him posted here, telling you himself in his own charming and very entertaining way, but please accept it from regular old me - who also shares her birthday with Ed Asner. And William Herschel. Don't know who he is? Oh, he discovered a little something called Uranus.

Sunday, January 25, 2009 11:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy birthday to your little guy! I hope he had a great day. And I'm SO glad that everything at school has been resolved!

Monday, January 26, 2009 4:07:00 PM  
Blogger xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

What day is your birthday? Mine's November 8th. Scorpio?

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to that little boy.

You gotta post that superhero pic.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 2:05:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart said...

Ahhhh ABBA...a supergroup...why don't they make them like that anymore?

Thursday, January 29, 2009 7:17:00 AM  

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