that is just so typically me...

i never thought when i started doing this - at the urging of someone who will get his credit - that anyone would read me, so to know there are those of you who check in on me is nice. that you've had such nice things to say back is a bonus.

i realized, however, as i browsed through my own efforts, i've mostly given you insight into people around me and my reactions to them, and not much about myself. below, what i've been working on in bits and pieces, is my attempt to rectify that.

1. in nearly a month, i'll celebrate a birthday
2. i was born in hawaii
3. people seem to think i'm a bit younger than i'll actually be
4. my favorite color is purple
5. i've only been in a handful of states - the one i reside in, missouri, nebraska, kansas, illinois, wisconsin, florida, nevada and california (based on the circumference of my travels, can you guess where i live? no giving it up from those in the know)
6. i live two minutes from where i grew up
7. that thought doesn't necessarily make me happy
8. opportunities to put distance between my house and my childhood home haven't really been explored
9. i'm a kickass cook
10. still trying to figure out what my passion in life is, but i have this silly idea i'd like to be a personal chef
11. i've got a serious case of baby envy coursing through me lately
12. i'm the only one in my house who has this affliction
13. if you kiss me along the curve of my neck, i'll get goosebumps and grab onto you
14. if you follow that kiss with a trailing tongue up to my ear, be prepared to have me follow you around like a little dog, nipping at your feet until you did it again
15. i'd leave my husband in a second if bono would step out of all his work for humanity and declare his unwaivering, all-consuming need for me
16. i sing loudly and badly while driving to the song alluded to in the title of this post
17. i dance erotically in my kitchen when i'm home alone and the ipod is blasting
18. when i dance in the kitchen over pb & j's with the youngest son, he doesn't seem too impressed, and has gone so far as to say 'no, mama, please...make dancing stop...'
19. so i just dance more...
20. i have more than five day's worth of music on my ipod, yet i keep getting the same four damn songs over and over again. enough with your private dancer, tattered mad max clothes, pat benatar. i don't need to hear 'love is a battlefield' again today
21. the most embarrassing selection on the ipod? probably "i'm too sexy"
22. of course, it's true...i am
23. i think 'the wiggles' were created as a curse to parents
24. but i'd probably totally do anthony. fruit salad, baby...yummy, yummy...
25. i would've done steve from 'blue's clues,' too. in a heartbeat, baby. over the back of the thinking chair
26. based on those two admissions, i've obviously got a soft spot (or something like that) for quirky guys
27. when i was a kid, i wanted to be a psychologist. or a waitress. ah, dreams...
28. obviously, i've never been either. i've got enough issues of my own
29. i was so going to marry one of the members of Duran Duran as a teen
30. alas, my last name is neither Le Bon nor Taylor
31. ok, that most embarrassing ipod song should probably be "mmm bop"
32. i'm a smidge concerned you'll think me sad and pathetic after reading #31
33. but more so if you read all these and think that
34. i did not lose my virginity. i totally went to his dorm that night intent on discarding it
35. though afterwards, when he dropped the condom out his dorm window and turned up the volume on 'friday night videos,' i probably should've went looking to reclaim it
36. shockingly, we later fell in love, reunited after two years apart, and planned to marry
37. i'm still in contact today with this man
38. but he's not my husband
39. i considered leaving last year to be with him again, more than 10 years after we left each other
40. even though i didn't, it doesn't mean i still don't ponder leaving from time to time
41. when i was a teenager, i was a master shoplifter
42. i fear my sons coming home in a handful of years and telling me their 13-year-old girlfriends are pregnant
43. unlike my parents, who never gave me 'the talk,' i sneak it into conversation with my boys from time to time in hopes of quashing the above fear
44. i love bellydancing because of what it's done for my walk - i love my hips
45. i've got striptease dvds i do, also, and so want to install a pole in my house
46. in fifth grade, i performed an interpretive dance duet with a friend to abba's 'fernando'. shockingly, we didn't win. hell...we didn't even advance.
47. yeah, who doesn't love 'grease'? but can you say the same for 'grease 2'? i'll watch it when i find it's on television, and i feel a little dirty because of it ("i wanna c-o-o-l...r-i-d-e-r..."). thank you, VH1 classic, for giving me something to do last saturday
48. it took four attempts to secure my driver's license, and to this day, i've never reversed into a parking spot - the downfall of each of my driver's tests
49. i subscribe to the 'fake it 'til they figure you out' school of life
50. i don't fake everything, though
51. i'm so infatuated with the idea of getting a nose piercing that i ask everyone i see with a little gem chip in their nostral what it's like to have it
52. i've got no tattoos, no desire for any, nor any creativity to come up with an original piece of art to put on my body
53. i've never had stitches or broken bones, though i should've probably gotten stitches last month when i nearly cut the tip of my thumb off while slicing a loaf of bread
54. i hate getting dressed because it means wearing a bra and i hate bras
55. yeah, i know, if i were you, i'd so want to see my boobs right now, too
56. i leave the bookstore some nights, and as soon as i get in the mini (cause I'm a cliched suburban mom, natch) off comes the bra, on goes a little prince (after searching thru 1,700+ songs) on the ipod and 10 minutes later, i'm home. breathless from seat dancing and top of the lung singing and boob bouncing
57. seriously...i get it...you want to see them
58. apparently so do the people who come to this site and then leave immediately when my boobs don't pop up. but wait...that's not about me...
59. don't you wish you were among the lucky few who has? someone out there has, but that's another post.
60. they're DDs - though, no, they aren't 60 DDs...and i love them
61. i had a lover who relished calling me thru the night just for phone sex. when we were together, he'd tie me up, blindfold me and have his way. i last spoke to him the week i married
62. my parents separated for the kazillionth time when i was in college and literally didn't tell me for months. 'yeah, mom...um...so why hasn't dad been around this weekend?' 'oh, dear, we didn't want to stress you out with finals approaching...'
63. they finally divorced when i was nearly 30
64. as happy as i was it finally happened, i cried like everyone around me had just died
65. i find it hard to subscribe to the 'let's stay together for the kids' theory of marriage
66. my husband, whose parents live out what i suspect a 50s sitcom family to be like (peck on the cheek, seperate twin beds, mindnumbingly boring conversation) buys into it like you wouldn't believe
67. because i had a great family model, i agreed to marry my husband 12 weeks (i just say it that way because i think it sounds more dramatic than 'three months') after we first met
68. when the sanctuary doors opened on our wedding day, i started crying for reasons other than the fact that i was about to marry into a dream
69. when i told him last year in counseling that i would leave him, leave everyone, he didn't say a thing for two weeks. it wasn't until i asked him why it didn't seem to bother him that he said, 'everybody thinks of running away. it's no big deal.'
70. it was a big deal to me. it still is. i've tried, but haven't been able yet to get him to understand
71. i suppose we're ok, though, in the broad sense of the word 'ok'
72. it's nearly our 12th anniversary
73. my life doesn't suck all that bad
74. and speaking of sucking, i learned the fine art of going down on a man while huddled down in the cab of an old ford truck parked in a cornfield. to say i was hooked would be an understatement
75. to say i was good at it would be completely true
76. to answer the question you're dying to ask, i swallowed the first time. and 10 minutes later when i did it again
77. at that point, i'd never seen porn, so i'm a bit amazed i knew what i was doing. to my male readers, please don't blow it for me by telling me it wouldn't take much knowledge, 'k?
78. almost daily i question my ability to be a good mother
79. i jump to such interesting transitions
80. when i was a teenager, we rated the cute boys we crushed on and tallied their vital stats on 3x5 cards i kept tucked inside my diary. i still have them. tommy, the first boy to see my boobs, so got 5 out of 5 stars from me
81. i'm not particulary a fan of the word 'boobs'
82. when i have sex, i don't require a play-by-play, but give me a little verbal incentive, please? girls like the auditory pleasures. ok, and a bit of credit, the visual doesn't suck, either
83. my husband so doesn't get that
84. but he's gotten something from me that he's wanted for a very long time
85. i've twisted my hair since the very first tuft of it sprouted on my head
86. i sometimes live for saturdays, when my husband takes our sons and is gone for an entire day
87. i've been in treatment for an eating disorder and still struggle with issues related to it
88. i'm concerned about the idea of finding a job i like again, working fulltime, but mostly over what i want to do
89. i fear, sometimes, i'm a bit boring
90. i work out daily, and have for some time, but i still hate it with a red hot burning passion
91. a friend says i use sarcasm to mask real emotion and wanting to share. she's probably right
92. i grew up enveloped in smoke, but have never smoked anything.
93. now drinking? yeah, the first rum rollover to pass my lips pretty much did me in for awhile. this was a hobby i mastered
94. cripes...i just realized i no longer have any hobbies
95. the last book i read was 'nasty bits' by anthony bourdain. i would totally do anthony bourdain. sexy, sarcastic and a foodie...totally all my issues...
96. i sometimes think my sons dig their dad more and would totally not even know if i was gone
97. we've got money issues, but i keep buying stuff i don't necessarily need. last purchase? 'U2 by U2' at the bookstore. yeah, i get a discount, baby
98. i'm a bit pent up at the moment. take that however you want
99. my pet name for it? i call it "cap'n happy"...as in "what can i do for you today, cap'n happy"
100. that's so not true, but what i call it does start with the letter 'c'