frustrated, incorporated

So where were we?

I hope you're somewhere far more fun and lucrative than I am at the moment. Still. I could blame my lack of writing here on the usual things. Kids have kept me busy. Insomnia's been rocking my nights. Work's been crazy. I mean, life, right?? Sheesh!

Truth is, though, I just didn't feel right coming here and boring you. If this were the old days of blogging when people had music players installed to subject (which is just another word for 'share') readers to their favorite tunes when clicking over to their site (though let it be known I never, ever did this!)(and which, oh, honey, if you're still doing that, you have to stop, yes, you absolutely do), you'd arrive here to an orchestra of sad trombones. Sad trombones and maybe a GIF of that Nazi whose face melts off at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark," which, by the way, I'm giving you because it's the right thing to do. Consider it the first step I can make in paying forward all the good things that have come our way in the past five weeks (Happy trombone!).

(also? no more parenthetical remarks for the rest of this post!)

Long story short, we're awesome!

Ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha (::gasps for air::)(that technically doesn't count in my earlier disclaimer) hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

It's five weeks in and I think we're slipping a bit from optimism to straight up worry, and maybe it's too early for that, but no, I think not. There's been some interviews, some odd jobs, and a hearing on unemployment benefits that were contested by Needs A Job Man's former employer. We're waiting on a positive outcome on that matter.

I've been doing some side gigs for our church that involves writing and designing pamphlets and flyers. My only restraints are I can't curse, natch, and I must do all the work in Word, so sky really is the f'n limit there! Additionally, I put on my sad kitty eyes and approached the managers at the bookstore about working some additional hours since this is our only true source of income at the moment. That's worked out for the past two weeks, then comes to a screeching halt next week when I will cash a paycheck that, if I stretch, might reach 10 hours. Believe me when I say it's hard to jot your work schedule down through a cloudy film of tears.

I can't believe this can go on forever, of course. However, I also can't believe I'd come home every afternoon of late to find Needs A Job Man plopped on the couch watching "Dr. Oz," but that's happening. The only good thing about that is, well, for one, at least it's not "Dr. Phil," and two, when I join him, he's able to fill me in on the good man of medicine's idea for some weird spice of supplement that will help rid me of my stress-induced belly fat, to which I say how dare you make reference to my belly fat!

For the record, I don't have stress-induced belly fat. I laugh in the face of stress! I shall have none of you, I say! I shall also have none of this money in my checking account as I pay this month's bills! Begone cash! Join stress in the Great Not Having!

OK, the truth is I've recently discovered that going on the Job Loss Weight Loss (that's mine, don't steal it) Program is really doing wonders for my physique. Another few months of this and I predict I'll finally look like Kelly Ripa, which is all I've ever really wanted.

Well, that and a hundred million dollars, one to two more babies, and, yes, a job for my husband, if for no other reason than he needs a new blog nickname.

And because I want cash to come back. I miss you, cash (::sighs wistfully::)

(oh, come on! did you really think I wasn't going to go without another parenthetical remark?!)