...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, June 27, 2008

great expectations

No, not that dreary story we had to read in high school. We all have great expectations. We enter into something with expectations of how things will turn out. Sadly, many times things do not turn out like we expected them.

I read many people’s blogs and talk with other “real” people at home. Few seem happy. Fewer seem ecstatically happy. Why? Usually it is because our expectations were not met. Since we tend to invest the most time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears into our marriages, this tends to be a big source of our expectations not being met.

Having realistic expectations is very difficult. It’s like jumping out of bed Christmas morning and finding gifts that are nice, but not exactly what we wanted. We like the gifts OK, but we really wanted that BB gun.

Life is a series of changing our expectations. Adjusting what we expect to happen. All the while, we have to take care and not become cynical. That is the pitfall, when too many expectations are not met. We tend to start lumping people into categories. It becomes too easy to stop trying. Sometimes, though, life is damn hard.

However, is it fair to expect a person to meet, or exceed, our expectations? No. We are human. Fallible. We have to learn to love people, despite their failings, despite our expectations not being met. Maintaining resentment is hard work. Letting go and realizing that, taken as a whole, the person we married is the best thing for us is the path towards contentment.

I’m not sure what your expectations were when reading my post, but I hope that everyone can achieve that life-long contentment. The path is narrow and difficult.

Thank you to For a Different Kind of Girl. Although my writing and boobs are not as kick ass as hers, I hope you enjoy it. I know I’ve enjoyed my time here.


Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Nice job minding the farm.

I always expect people to exceed my expectations. Wait, that sentence doesn't make sense. Isn't that a paradox?

Friday, June 27, 2008 12:25:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

In a marriage class just this evening the teacher said that unrealistic expectations are a sure killer for a relationship.

Good post, Aphron, and thanks for letting me write on your blog!

Friday, June 27, 2008 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

You'll shoot your eye out.

Friday, June 27, 2008 8:43:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Good post here, Aphron; thanks. Lots of wisdom, for those with ears to hear. . .

I've got a post in the works about the 'tragic' aspect of love, which will dovetail nicely with this. . .

Friday, June 27, 2008 9:34:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Nice post Aphron, and a lot of good things to learn here.

Friday, June 27, 2008 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Not sure what I was expecting from this whole blog swap thing, but so far, they've been exceeded!
Excellent post. =)

Friday, June 27, 2008 3:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know aphron, this says a lot of the truth of your life. Perhaps a pared-down version of that second-to-last paragraph might make for a good intro on your blog ....

Sunday, June 29, 2008 9:23:00 PM  

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