...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

stripping in the suburbs

as i've mentioned before, i'm not a huge fan of working out. i dread it. i'll never be 'ms. perfect ass' in the front row doing the perfect squat (why? you ask. well, for starters, there's no rows when you workout at home. second, i prefer referring to myself as 'the chick with the kickass ass' - that's a step above perfect and meets my need to say 'kickass' at least once in my posts).

however, despite my disdain, i work out most days. so that explains why i was mutated on my couch saturday afternoon, flipping television channels and folding socks and underwear (admit it. you so freakin' wish you were me right now. if you folded my underwear, i'd let you be me. and if you then put them away in the right place, there's no telling what i'd allow). as i'm browsing all the quality programming saturday afternoon has to offer, i stumbled upon cnn (which, i have to admit, doesn't happen much). i perked up at the site of women sashaying around poles in stacked heels and tiny t-shirts, and realized the reporter was doing a package how stripper workouts are growing in popularity.

here's where i tell you that i regularly do kickboxing workouts, but when i've had it up to my chin with uppercuts, i pull out the cache of stipper workouts i have. sometimes you have to learn how to do the perfect squat while slinking around a chair, people. i love them!

according to the report, i'm not alone in my fondness for striptease. women across america are learning the fine art of pelvic thrusts and the sensual kneel. some are even taking their new found power and using it to open up work out arenas for others to pull out the feather boas and bump and grind with the empowerment that can only be found, it would seem, by learning how to doff your clothes (you rethinking that whole 'come to my house and do my laundry' thing now?).

pole dancing is great exercise, the reporter says, and is gaining in popularity among women in their late 30s to early 40s, especially moms seeking a way to regain their sexual self and enhance their confidence. i'm hearing this and am all 'amen!' as i sprawl out more on my couch.


that's when they decide to toss in the requisite sociological study to put a damper on things. a university of florida professor who has studied stripper culture for more than a decade fears, in essense, that the growing acceptance of stripping and exotic dancing in mainstream media(pussycat dolls, anyone?) that has led to gyms offering burlesque workouts and a growing dvd market makes stripping seem perfectly normal and not 'seedy.'

through her studies, this female (as if that matters) professor has found that strippers lose their sense of self and sexuality, and fears that those of us in our late 30s and early 40s who are pulling our kids off of us in order to yank our tshirts off every once in awhile could suffer the same fate.

wtf?

last time i checked, i wasn't slithering over to the sniffer section in my living room to retrieve a damp dollar bill from the meaty paws of some guy. hell, more often then not (not) there's no guy in my living room while i'm doing these workouts (yeah, I may be compelled to stop shimmying for a second when you pass through the room en route to putting my folded underwear away, but only because the sight of that would take my breath away). i have no compulsion to change my name to Dominique Double Ds and go put my resume in at the 'lumber yard' (marketing tagline? "where real men go to get wood!").

there's a fine line between cat crawling across my living room floor and doing it in some dark club. yeah, i want a pole in my house. i totally support the whole 'boosts your confidence' arguement that can be made. it's sexy.

so as much as we need to pay the bills around here (hope you don't expect to be paid when you come to personally care for my laundry) and of course, i so have the boobs for it (sigh...), i'll be strip teasing in the suburbs for free, a firm grasp on my sense of self.

and my ankles as i bend down toward them and give that cute little look back.

11 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

Oh now fadkog, you are such a tease;) (I say, as I throw my dollar bills folded into tiny penises your way)

I say head down to the Home Depot and get yourself a pole! Please, the media and their studies, pppfffshaw. :P

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 5:03:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

there is a backlash to women taking control of their sexuality.
Stripper workouts are big deals and that is something that I think will continue to grow as it does become more mainstream to express one's sexuality more openly. I don't think a woman who strips for her husband or lover (or both ;) ) is going to suffer the same fate as those who see men as sources of income for a peek at their treasure. I think in a healthy relationship a man doesn't see his lover or wife an object, like many men see strippers. If he does there are bigger problems.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 6:24:00 AM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

Sigh, That fly on the wall in your house idea sounds better all the time. Do you have a DVD played in the bedroom or will you have to come up with a way to explain the pole in the living room to family and friends when they visit.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 2:10:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

PUH-lease. I'm all in favor of strip-tease workouts. I need to get me some of those videos. (Husband nods vigorously.)

Why is it that our culture is so afraid of women who are comfortable with their sexuality?

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 8:24:00 PM  
Blogger Jessey said...

You are one of the funniest people I have ever...read. I love reading your blog because I know I will end up laughing hysterically at some point.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Cherrie said...

Another pole dancer! I'm not one, but Thru My Eyes is. Go take a look at ineer.blogspot.com if you haven't already.

I'd be happy to sort your socks while watching one of your workouts. Just don't expect any of them to match . . .

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 10:31:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I was wondering if you'd get an abundance of random anonymous Internet panty-sniffers trying to take you up on your offer here.

[Slowly puts hand down, nervously glances around the room.]

"Stripping in the Suburbs." Sounds like you've got a DVD series that could be a sure hit.

Does Home Depot really sell stripper poles? What aisle is that in?

Thursday, October 19, 2006 9:30:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nanette - would it surprise you in the least that now I want to learn how to fold my dollar bills into penises? Sigh...

Ed - I think you're right, there is a backlash, which is surprising because I can't imagine many men thinking that would be a bad thing...at least I'd hope not.

Finished - dear, of course you can repose somewhere in my house, however, you will likely suffer the fate of doing laundry and enduring my sometimes poor taste in music. Should this not be a problem, I'm still taking resumes.

Kelly - I think you, Nanette and I need to do this 'mommy dating dance' thing. No doubt it would turn into a series of interesting gyrations! I say buy some DVDs today!

Jessey - how nice you stopped by, and for the nice words. make yourself a regular.

Cherrie - so going to visit that blog soon! And hell, my socks don't match half the time anyway, so no problems!

FTN - Sure they sell stripper poles at Home Depot. There's a secret lair just for chicks behind plumbing. We also pick up our fish bowl stripper boots and boas at the same time. Love the convenience!

Thursday, October 19, 2006 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

Actually I see the backlash from women... I am reading a book about what one woman calls Raunch culture.

It is interesting'

Thursday, October 19, 2006 3:59:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

http://underground.zork.net/male_anatomy.html#The%20King%20Size

I guess I'll move out your way, only if we can mommy date!

Friday, October 20, 2006 5:26:00 AM  
Blogger the bare frame said...

what's that you said? don't bother me, I've almost got all these panties folded...

oh yah, and after I'm done, will you do that cute "grab your ankles thing again?"

splendid post... you should be horsewhipped on any day you don't write.

Friday, October 20, 2006 9:59:00 AM  

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