...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, May 21, 2007

my first & only reference to a bob seger song in a post

On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha
(this is quite accurate, btw)

You can listen to my lovely rambling about one lone bookstore

(and my tales of last Friday night)

You can think about me, or the girl you knew the night before
(but probably me, since you’re here anyway. Wha? Rambling? Ok. Back to the point)

But my thoughts will soon be wandering, the way they always do
(sorry. I can’t help it. Besides, now I know you’re thinking about me…)

Here I go, yeah, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. Playing star again….
Just turn the page already.


Chapter 1 – The Science Fiction Author
It was great to meet you, new science fiction writer. Your eagerness to do a “meet and greet” and sign copies of your books rivaled a supernova, burning so bright you actually came to the bookstore the night before the scheduled event to “map out your territory,” which is how I believe you described it. You were truly charming, and the snappy “Google” t-shirt and unique – read ‘extremely high waisted’ - pants you wore clinched it for me. Getting your entourage of two virginal friends to then hover around like cute little Ewoks, asking if I could find copies of “Reading Stargate SG-1” in the store while also outlining the merits of the newest Tolkien book for me truly pushed my tolerance capacity to a place that can only be described as a galaxy far, far enough. Were I able to get my fingers to fall into place that way, I too would have given you the Vulcan salute upon your departure. I shall have to settle for the one the three of you gave me, instead, as you beamed your way out the front doors.

Chapter 2 – The “Groper Kids”
Friday nights at Barnes & Noble means more customers, people willing to pay in cash after payday, and the uncaging of the groper kids – the delightful teenage couples bonded together below the waist and with arms twisted around each other’s necks. The Gropers spend four or more hours melting into the upholstered chairs or laying tangled together on the stage in the children’s department, giggling over copies of the Kama Sutra and ‘position of the day’ books. Often making out with such a fervent power I don’t know whether to be offended or deeply jealous. Touching parts of each other that would require the showing of a driver’s license and a handful of coins were you in any other type of “book store.” Leaving us as employees with the creepy sense we need to wear latex gloves when we’re inevitably left to toss away their menagerie of half-empty Starbuck’s cups. My favorite groper kid from last week? The one bold enough to wear the “
I ‘heart’ Hot Moms” t-shirt. That has to make his mom proud. Alas, I would have totally dug that kid when I was in high school.

Chapter 3 – Disney Diehards
Ah, sweet family of three. I know my question of “Did you find everything you were looking for tonight?” seemed unnecessary as you plopped five Disney vacation books on the counter before me, but it was when I glanced up and had my eyes opened up like Sleeping Beauty roused by the kiss of her Prince Charming that I knew you were hardcore. I dig Disney World as much as the next person who’s tolerated long lines and irrational fears of Space Mountain (don’t ask), but your full dress uniforms of Disney apparel spoke to your passion for all things mouse. Mom’s Tigger t-shirt complemented by the Winnie the Pooh earrings. Dad’s golf shirt featuring miniature Goofy’s, sporting his own jaunty golf attire and ready to tee off. Junior’s patriotic Donald Duck airbrushed t-shirt. It was all so beautiful. That you cemented your purchase by whipping out your Walt Disney World Visa card assured me you were well on your way to earning consumer points that would help you secure this dream Disney vacation you’re prepping for. But you must’ve needed a few more points, for I feared we were going to battle, Scar and Mufasa style when, after asking where the Disney Store was in the mall, I had to inform you there was none. “What!? There’s no Disney Store in this mall?!” mom yelped. “Well, do you know? Do you know where the nearest Disney Store is?!” bumbled dad. “How can there not be a Disney Store in this mall?!” cried Junior. “It’s a small world, folks,” I replied with a smile (damn right I did!). “I’m sure if you wish upon a star, your dreams will come true.” But inside? Inside I was thinking a Disney detox was seriously in order.

Chapter 4 – Listen Lady, There Really Is No Secret To “The Secret”
We’re still selling copies of “The Secret” as if this little tome contained the key that would unlock the bounties of the universe upon its readers. Of course, most people wanting it don’t know where to begin looking for it. Part of the problem is they come to us asking “for Oprah’s newest book.” “Oprah’s not written a book,” some of us (i.e. “me”) will say, because we obviously have some less than “Secret” negative thoughts about the book and it’s theories. In addition, many shoppers don’t even know what it’s about, but want to purchase it because Oprah says to. We like to see their shock when we tell them it’s not shelved with the religious books (because, since Oprah is God, it would seem natural, right?), but is instead in the New Age section. Most of the people buying the book have been unwilling or unable to look us in the eye when asking for it. I’ve not yet figured that one out. One theory of the book is not to look at or even think about something you don’t wish to have or be, so that might actually be a reason. Especially considering how jaded we booksellers can be about this book. However, I like to believe they realize they’re spending $25 on a book that can be summarized in two words – common sense. Or, according to my work husband, utter crap. That or they’re afraid to harness the power of having a kick ass rack themselves, and thus turn their blind eye to me during their search. Yeah. I’m sure that’s it. Because that’s my secret in this power of positive thinking.


The End
Because I have no better way to cap this thing off.

Labels:

14 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

I may or may not have a little bit in common with Chapter 3....a dream is a wish your heart makes. Now, when the bill arrives...I better get the SECRET. Ha!

nlvaejtj

Monday, May 21, 2007 2:04:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I watched chapter four on the web...
I do not envy you your job. I do envy your husband though... he has a kick ass wife whom everything about is kick ass in my book, not just the most awesome rack... (okay we differ on music but hey... I am sure you think your selection of music is kick ass and thats all that matters)

I do have three short stories on my blog if ya wanna peruse them...
I used the word peruse just for you whether or not it's a real word...

I want to give you a foot rub....

Monday, May 21, 2007 6:20:00 AM  
Blogger Rug's Bug said...

You describe my former life so well! Oh man. The Oprah books. Jeez. Thank god for the printout that used to come listing the latest book selection. Because if you are working at the bookstore, do you have time to watch Oprah? Of course for me, that was before DVR's.

Monday, May 21, 2007 9:02:00 AM  
Blogger Confused Husband said...

Actually I like the remake that Metallica did a few years ago (ok so it was more like 10 years ago) much better. Me being the metal head that I am.

Oh how often I have wished that my inner voice could become my real voice. Why can't we make those comments to real people?

I guess I'll just have to keep it a Secret that my sexy wife is reading that book.
CH
znovrvj

Monday, May 21, 2007 9:53:00 AM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

What does it say about me that every time I see someone who has an image of the tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff on there clothes I want to yell, "Hey , you've got pooh on your shirt!"?
I have not even heard of The Secret but something tells me I won't be out hunting down a copy of it anytime soon.

exjgryz (sigh)

Monday, May 21, 2007 10:14:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

You know, it just absolutely raises my esteem for you that you reference Bob Seger here. . .

But - 'first and only'? You make it sound like you're ashamed of it. 'Silver Bullet' is a rock-n-roll god. . .

Many years ago (we only had three kids at the time, that's how long ago it was), we made the obligatory pilgrimage to The Mouse. Wound up going thru 'Small World' twice, because it had the shortest lines. Oh, that song - that SONG!

(puff, pant)

OK, better now. . .

Monday, May 21, 2007 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Admit it, your husband totally went to that book signing.

And I suppose this means I might just have to find the recording we made of "Turn the Page" and email it to you... Although I confess that it's more like the Metallica version that CH mentioned...

Monday, May 21, 2007 12:55:00 PM  
Blogger SuperWife said...

I LIKE Bob Seger...and especially this song! And I'm a sci fi book fan, too. Shelves lined with S.M. Stirling and R.A. Heinlein and Roger Zelazny...yippee for escapism!

Monday, May 21, 2007 2:33:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

retail is awesome for the people watching. Of course, I don't miss it, it wasn't good enough to keep me around.

Monday, May 21, 2007 3:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Nocturnal said...

I too like Bob Seger, some of his stuff is really cool. Quite the gig at that bookstore little lady.

Monday, May 21, 2007 9:23:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

My kid came home one day about a month ago wearing an I heart hot moms tee shirt. I about spit my coffee across the room. I still can't talk about it...
Stacie

Monday, May 21, 2007 11:11:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nanette - Tell me when you want to learn "The Secret," my sweet friend and I'll help your financial powers grow by getting it for you at discount! Heh!

Savage - Oh, sweets, I don't just *think* my selection of music is kick ass. I *know* it is! You know you'd put up with it. As has my husband! Who doesn't give me foot rubs, come to think of it. Probably because perusing my feet is ticklish.

Rug's - Oprah's literary prowess is magnificant. Yet somehow, the publishers never seem to get us enough books! I love how we have a listing of every freakin' book she's ever mentioned on our search datatbase. Save's a minor amount of time.

Confused - We can't make those comments in real life because, for the most part, many of us don't relish being slapped. Or written up. Details, my friend. Details!

Finished - It says you have the sense of humor of a middle school boy! No worries with that, of course, because I kind of have the same type!

I'm also the type that is astounded that there is a person on the planet who hasn't heard of "The Secret"!

Desmond - I have a few Seeger tracks! But, um, I've never considered him a rock and roll god!

We've made a few Disney treks on both coasts. I'd live there if it wasn't so wrong. But we only had one or none when we made the trips. My youngest may never experience it and that may come back to haunt me one day!

FTN - Had I clued him in, he probably would have been all over it. The author probably wishes I had, too, since there wasn't a mad rush to his table!

Of course, I anticipate a rendition of "Turn The Page" in my inbox very soon, too. I've got a little "Totally Hitz" disc going of the FTN Band.

Superwife - I should have clarified that I have no beef with Bob Seeger. He's done nothing to me personally to make me dislike him. In fact, I have this song and Metallica's version of it in play. My only wish is that "Old Time Rock and Roll" ceased to exist!

RS - Working retail is like going to a 24 hour Walmart, without having to actually go to a Walmart. I'm convinced our Walmart is only used by people you never, ever see in the daylight. Or ever, for that matter.

Nocturnal - You all would be surprised at just how much Bob Seeger I claim! I also claim some stellar customer service skills.

Stacie - Here's where I confess that I intend to buy said shirt for my husband one day. Every time we go to Target, I tell him today's the day, baby!

Monday, May 21, 2007 11:36:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Hmmm. . . it may be that Seger's rock-n-roll godhood is mostly a Michigan thing.

I agree that 'Old Time Rock-n-Roll' has suffered horribly from being overplayed at every cheesy wedding for the last 30 years, but 'Katmandu' is a better song anyway. And nobody does the searing, soulful ballad any better than Bullet Bob.

(Only one 'e', btw - or two, I suppose; 'Seeger' is the folk-singer from the 30s)

Wednesday, May 23, 2007 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Desmond - It pays not to be tired when you're responding to comments! I blame my fingers and not my brain on the "Seeger" thing, esp. since I knew it was only one 'e'! Glad you're around to keep me in check!

When I come to spend the week with you and your family in Michigan, you can further school me on Seger's godhood. But please, no "Old Time Rock and Roll." Especially no "Old Time Rock and Roll" as sung along with by my mother!

Thursday, May 24, 2007 8:32:00 AM  

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