...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, May 07, 2007

'wanna tell you 'bout the girl i love...'*

youdamom! tagged me last week with the “10 Things About Me!” meme that, I have to say, is like my love for Bono, all things purple and my stunning grace and allure – undying.

After tackling similar tags a couple of times, I figured it would be impossible to come up with even two more things about myself that were of any interest, let alone ten. Granted, none of what I’m about to tell you may strike you as the least bit captivating. I can accept that. It won’t hurt my feelings.

But then I remember how utterly kick ass I am and I have to think you’ll all at least have the kindness to play along and humor me. You know I’d give you the love, too. So, without further hyperbole, I give you the following:

g I am a lip balm and lip gloss whore. Plain and simple. I’ll pucker up for any brand and any flavor. Tubes, sticks, pots, wands. Flavored like mint or pretend fruit. The color of bubblegum, flowers, caramels or sunsets. I have no loyalty. Just a dirty, dirty obsession with keeping my lips smooth and glossy. Alluring if you really want to take it that far. Pictured is a sampling of what I carry in my purse (at last count – 13) and my make up tub. I’m giddy for gloss.

g In my possession is a videocassette of me performing Madonna’s "Material Girl". In a black bra. Oh, they can beg and they can plead but that tape won’t see the light (that’s right).

g I have gigantic sunglasses. Oh, not like this. But kind of like hers. Maybe slightly bigger. But mine cost me only $4.50 at JC Penney’s (because I had a coupon, baby, and I’m not above slummin’!) and didn’t include a Maverick with purchase. I wear them in all seasons, in any weather. I don’t care if it’s raining or dark. I may or may not do this to honor one of my pretend husbands. He likes it when I put them on, then whisper words about debt reduction while calling him my “knight.”

g I’m a chronic list maker. Every week I start off with some bullet-pointed personal manifesto for what I hope to accomplish in that seven-day span. If I actually accomplish something before I’ve had a chance to include it on my list, I’ll write it down anyway just so I have the satisfaction of then crossing it off. It makes me happy in a really sad kind of way. I know.

g Paid programming fascinates me. Thirty minute advertisements for Clever Clasp, One-Touch Can Opener, Yoga Booty Ballet, Pro-Activ, the Betty Crocker Bake-n-Fill. I love them all. I never kill off my finances buying anything off television, but I can and have killed off hours watching these types of things.

g When I’m having a bad day, I sometimes wish I had a life narrator who prefaced any encounter I have with people with the line, “Ok, people, listen up. Marla’s gone rogue.” And then there would be this really dramatic and brief drum or bass line as I entered the darkened room. Because of course it would be dark. CTU dark.

g I never remember my dreams. Oh, I’ve had some dreams where I’ve woken up in tears or experienced some nice little sexual side effect, and believe me, I’ve tried to reclaim those events, but it never works. The last dream I remember having consistently was when I was a teenager and I would dream nightly that the street I lived on had been inhabited by culturally acclimated apes. Seriously. They dressed like humans. Drove cars. Went to jobs or school. And then roamed the street and tossed their waste around. Seriously.

g I say “seriously” a lot. Seriously. I use it as a matter of questioning (“Seriously?”), exclamation (“Seriously!”) and as a basic statement (“Seriously.”). I seriously need to curb it, but I seriously love it a bit too much.

g Sometimes I wanna give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight. And then I see you baby, and everything’s alright.

g Speaking of bad English, I’m an admitted grammar and spelling snob. I don’t necessarily like this trait, but as a former editor it’s a bit ingrained. It’s really bad when you consider this blog is probably riddled, Tupac style, with glaring errors in word usage and punctuation. However, if you’re going to send me your homemade high school graduation announcement, please proofread it. One error? I’d probably let it go with just a passing comment. Three errors? I’m going to have a hard time with that. I'm talking to you, my niece, with your inability to form a proper conjunction or properly use indefinite articles.

g A bonus – I am confidant that with a can of Suave extra hold mousse, a curling iron, some Aussie Super Scrunch and some AquaNet, I could have my hair as big and bouncy as John Waites did in that spectacular Bad English video. In fact, I may have looked like that in my high school graduation photo.

So that’s it. The little things that make me interesting. Or sad. You be the judge. I seriously don’t know if I have it in me to do a tag like this again (plus, I feel like I should confess that I jotted down half this list while in church today)! Apparently, I’m supposed to tag 10 other people to do this, but because I’m rogue, I’ll just allow you to do it if you wish. And I’ll play along and humor you if you do.

Hell, maybe I’ll even pucker up and kiss you with my slutty little lip balmed lips.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Alternate titles for this post included, but were not limited to, the following:

  • "No way. I scare me!"
  • "What kind of fuckery is this?"
  • "I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind"
  • It's a secret no one knows"
  • "Can you tell me? Oh, you say you can, but you don't know"

Yeah, like I was just going to let that Hanson thing die easily. Instead, I opted for the classics.

Like "MmmBop" will be one day, of course.

Labels:

14 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

Seriously, you must watch too much Merideth on Grey's. ;)

Mwah!

nnbakrmc

Monday, May 07, 2007 1:51:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I had a commment all thought out with proper puntuation and everything.... But then you brought up Hanson again.... sigh

Monday, May 07, 2007 4:51:00 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

a woman so obsessed with her own rack & hanson... what *Is* this world coming to?

seriously.

Monday, May 07, 2007 8:23:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

So. . . um. . . two of the links you posted here ('then I see you baby' and 'What kind of effery') brought up the 'RESTRICTED SITE' screen from the corporate info-trolls. Just wonderin' what's up. . .

Damn info-trolls. . .

Monday, May 07, 2007 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger ArtfulDodger said...

and here I didn't know these things about you already, which I suspect is seriously the whole point. indeed i often have a life narrator, at least i did in my youth, but unfortunately he got bored and quit the job. sad really, since my life has since gotten a lot more interesting. i think he'd be happy in his work now. except perhaps the amount of time i waste watching infomercials, or making inane comments on blogs... not that this comment is inane, that depends on how it is taken I suppose. which is seriously the whole point anyway, isn't it?

Monday, May 07, 2007 9:21:00 AM  
Blogger Chag said...

You realize you referred to yourself as Marla?

I once performed Like A Virgin. In a wig, dress, and makeup. But no black bra. And I pray to God no videotape exists. But I won $50.

Monday, May 07, 2007 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Two questions:

1) WHY were you performing 'Material Girl' in a black bra on videotape, and

2) HOW much begging and pleading do we need to see this video? Surely sending you a link of me playing 'MmmBop' would suffice, right?

Right?

Okay, so I have more than two things. Read on.

3) I am shocked... SHOCKED, I say... that you are a grammar and spelling snob. Sure, you've got the editor thing going on, I know. But if that's totally true, I fully expect you to go back and properly capitalize your first 96 blog entries.

4) Those big bug-eyed sunglasses drive me nuts. Seriously. Please take them off.

Monday, May 07, 2007 1:12:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

In some ways, we are so much alike it's scary, and in others.....not so much. I could totally compete with you on that lipgloss/balm thing..
Stacie

Monday, May 07, 2007 9:37:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

Grammir polees mayke me sahd. I give thum 2 much bidness. Dontchya theenk beeng a fashion polees dude wood be moore fun?

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 8:48:00 AM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

I am with you on the spelling and grammar but unfortunately my less than basic typing skills do not allow me to live up to my own standards a plague which causes many a cringe as I read already published posts littered with strong evidence of illiteracy on my own blog. Humility is a bitch.

elzasr

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 8:55:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

I have a dry-erase board at work where I put the stupid things I have heard people say. For example, "what are the stratergies we should use..." or "we are going to loose this deal."

I'm not the grammar police, but merely a concerned citizen.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 11:41:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nanette - Seriously, many of my bad habits can be traced back to television. Though seriously, I love this word. It's silliness. Seriously.

Savage - I'll try to refrain from mentioning that which apparently must not get mentioned here again. But brace yourself. It will probably happen again!

Dawn - It is my hope that my rack obsession and love affair of Hanson will one day actually bring this world to the brink of peace and then I'll simply flick my finger and push it completely over.

Savage - See? Told you it was bound to happen again...

Desmond - Wow! You must dwell at a truly strict place if you can't watch a completely unoffensive video from an pop-light hair band. Or else, apparently they have deemed the whole idea of Bad English as offensive. I might agree to that fact.

Art - Seriously. I think I adore you. And now you're all "Seriously?" and I'm like "Seriously!" And then our inner narrators say something silly about us as we wander off aimlessly.

Chag - Marla seems like a pretty decent name for the whole "gone rogue" persona. Fierce and unwaivering. At least that's what my inner narrator says.

I'm sad to report that my Madonna act was done without the added incentive of cash. I did it totally in response to my own stupidity.

FTN - You never know what I'm going to do when a videocamera is trained on me. Never. Had you MmmBop link worked, you also never know what you would have gotten from me.

How fast are you searching for that link now?

I should add that the performance also includes a rather wide open interpretation of "Like A Prayer."

As for the capital letters, I did that all for you, dear. I will not, however, doff my giant sunglasses, because now, every time I put them on, I think of you. MmmBop that.

Stacie - Do you dream of lipgloss? Do you find lipgloss tubes when you're out that don't appear to have been used and think "Hmmm...if I just rub some alcohol swabs on the applicator..."?

But wait! I don't remember my dreams! But I bet I do dream of such things!


Therese - Eye thot migh grammir theng wuz two mutch, butt eye tri knot two bee two ovr th edg wyth et!

Finished - I spell check and it still misses things. I've learned if you just ignore humility sometimes it will go away.

RS - I would be quite happy to have access to your dry erase board (even though that sounds like flirting) so I could also include (assuming you'd let me) notations about the errors I find on business marquees and such. Nothing makes me as frustrated as that.

Well, the Tivo not recording "24" makes me frustrated, but that's an entirely different story.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 12:35:00 PM  
Anonymous you da mom! said...

i'm with you on the "seriously" part! and love the makeup! and love madonna in the black bra! you know what other vhs tape i have...sing blue silver, which is duran duran on tour in '84 or '85. you know, when john, simon and nick were all sooo fine (sorry roger and andy!).

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 12:58:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

you da mom - Ah! I have that same tape! I remember my friend spending what seemed like a tremendous amount of money to get that back in the day.

And I seriously would leave my husband TODAY if Simon, John and hell, ok, even Nick gave me the nod. I'd take a pass if it was Roger or Andy. Even "Wild Boys" era Roger or Andy. I figure I could share make up with Nick, delight in Simon and get seriously nasty with John.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 2:27:00 PM  

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