'and all this science, I don't understand'

Things that I just don't get:

• The games of football and chess.
• Actually, I don't get most games, really. I blame this on skipping the directions.
• My uncompromised love of pepper jack cheese. Don't even think of tempting me, co-jack.
• My near orgasmic love of Qtips.
• Picture puzzles meant to convey hidden meanings.
• My unwillingness to stop watching Ice Road Truckers, even though every freakin' episode is the same, over and over and over again.
• Cock blocking. It’s a cute name, but a damn stupid game, and as mentioned above, I just don’t get most games.
• Why cookies must be so damn good and brownies even better.
• Why people don't respond when spoken to. Do they think they're being aggressive or controlling by ignoring?
• Yoga. Clearly, if I'm dwelling on cheese and Qtips, my mind doesn't shut down long enough to concentrate.
• Jell-O.
• The way friendships can shift and you realize too late to rein it back in.
• My huge new crush on Ricky Gervais.
• HTML. Duh!
• Why there seems to be so many derogatory words for women, but not nearly an equal number for men.
• How easily you want a derogatory word for a man to just pop into your head and out of your mouth sometimes.
• How easily I cave at some perceived good word.
• Why I can remember the dance routine I made up to Pop Muzik in 1979, but I can't recall the survival tips Bear Grylls just told me I should know if I'm ever stranded in the rain forests of Costa Rica. This could have something to do with the fact that I'm watching Man vs Wild and thinking "MMMMM...Bear..." and not so much about how to survive in the Costa Rican rain forest. Whatever.

Well, I actually do get a couple things. First, how to survive the wild. Bear always suggests looking for a river or stream and following it down, covering your head to keep your body cool (and look hella hot at the same time!), and just accepting the fact you will cringe when forced to drink your own pee. These are all reasons why I rarely leave my house. Additionally, it means I don’t have to charm people with the cocktail party knowledge I have that, pound for pound, termites have more protein than beef or fish.

Second, picture puzzles. I do actually get them. Well played. Clever.

So tell me, what do you not get? Saying “you” and pointing to your computer monitor and shaking your finger at that tiny image of me up there to the left doesn’t count, for it’s really just a given that you wouldn’t “get” me. Because seriously, I’m writing about pepper jack cheese, after all. I don’t get myself a majority of the time.

(edit - for the benefit of Mr. Kite, please leave your comments to this post below the Phil Collins' clip please. For one, that's where I'd like them because it gives me another chance to listen to this song and remember why I need to, and second, I do so wish to hear from you. Yeah, you, too, even, because every word is scintillating. I mean that...yep...).