...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, August 20, 2007

lipstick cherry all over the lens as she's falling

One of the reasons I've eschewed the celebrity lifestyle that's so prevalent here in the suburbs is I'm not a huge fan of the paparazzi wanting to take my photo all the time. I regularly run errands minus undergarments and have been known to have veiled substance abuse issues (if I go more than an hour or two without a Diet Mountain Dew, trust me, the sweating and shakes does not a great picture make, yet that's when those scoundrels always seem to catch me). Because of these issues, and because I do so wish to be just like the normal every day folk in my neighborhood, it's best I not tempt the hordes of snap happy photogs who hang out around the grocery store and elementary school parking lot, screaming my name and waiting for me to emerge in a braless, muttering mess.

Cut and dry, I hate having my picture taken. I'm sure I'm the only one who feels like this (that bold 'only' is the only way to pull off sarcasm here, babies), and clearly explains the crumbling disinterest people have in flickr.

However, we live in a digital world (thus concludes our history lesson on the 21st century!). As such, I do, on occasion, find myself face to lens with a camera. Well, mostly face to lens. My feet have gotten more face time here than my face ever has. They're always butting in. Speaking of butts, the answer is no. No, there are no pictures of it floating out there to find. You could ask and I'd get all giggly and stuff, and maybe consider it for you and all, but no. No butt shots.


Ok. Maybe one. But I deleted it. I did!

Despite my apparent aversion to self portraits, I often have a camera with me when I'm out. Mostly to capture archival opportunities when my children do something cute or embarrassing. Not so much when I do something along the same lines (but wow, now that I think about it, that butt shot was hella cute, what with the blue and yellow striped boycuts...). I cringe thinking of the photos documenting a series of poor choices in hairstyling over the years that are in my mom's possession. My hope is my children have my image burned into their brains now (and that I'm smiling and all happy and "Nice Mom" and not "Bitch shoulda went to bed a lot earlier Evil Mom") when they remember me upon my departure from this earthly soil. If not, they can browse the buffet o' hairstyles photos and question whether it was a good choice for me to rock the pigtails as an 8 year old and again in my 30s (the answer, btw, is oh hell yes!).

Of course, I blame the fact (aka - credit) that I'm the one whipping the camera out for whatever looks worthy of preservation for why you're not going to see me in very many photographs. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "By not stepping in front of the camera, your ideology clearly goes against your whole point of capturing that which is interesting and cute for all posterity."

You're so right. So, so right. And so very sweet. Thank you.

So why do I not jump all crazy in front of the camera? Simple. I don't know what to do once there. Act nonchalant? Bust a demure smile with a hint of my raging mane draped wistfully over my right eye (a shot that looks kick ass, I should say, in the event there is one like that out there. Just sayin')? Look directly at whoever is taking a photo and bore into them with the raging power of my flirty eyes? Stick my tongue out? It's a conundrum every time someone yanks out the Kodak and tells me to smile! If we're together and I see you with a camera, I pretend not to notice. I'm deaf if you tell me to look at you and your obvious camera eye. I'm not hiding anything. I just think there are more interesting things to take a picture of. Like my bleeding hand or whatnot.

Oh, ok. And sometimes my boobs. Sometimes my boobs do make for interesting photos. A couple of times there've been photos of my breasts taken. By accident. When I may have slipped and accidentally on purpose ended up with the lens RIGHT THERE, telling them to smile and work it for me. And like when I maybe plopped them out so a little cell phone photo session could take place in my kitchen during the middle of the night, thus alerting my husband it was I who was calling him and not one of the other ladies who may have shown their boobs to him. Let me just say, my boobs always hit their mark and never ever come out of some bar after hours, looking wasted and slurring their words, thus ensuring an Us Weekly cover. Besides, they have me as their publicist and my clients are very discerning.


My butt, however, is an entirely different story.


"Deleted it." Ha! My ass...






note: it's the uncensored version, 'cause that's how I roll in my "John Taylor wants to do me" fantasy world.

Labels:

19 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

Perfectionists don't like having their pictures taken because they will proceed to pick out all of their own flaws.

It is much better to not have photographic evidence of said flaws, imnsho. ;)

So, kickass rack photo on the way to my email nanette@ilovekickassrack.com
!

Thanks baby! :D

klhawdb

(In my attempt to keep my comment short, sigh, I totally neglected to mention the fantastic song choices!)

Monday, August 20, 2007 4:25:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

click click...

Monday, August 20, 2007 6:51:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Another post, another topic that veers wildly towards BOOBS!

Why am I not surprised.

I always seem to be the cameraman around our house, as my wife has inherited a rather lousy case of bad-picture-taking from her mother. Although I admit she's gotten better (my wife, not her mother) over the years. More centering, less taking pictures of random inanimate objects. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Sadly, my wife has never sent me any BOOBS! photos. We need to remedy this situation immediately, but I'm just not exactly sure how to go about changing this boob-shot travesty...

Have any tips? I bet you could write a book. I could think of at least one major bookstore that would surely carry a first-edition.

Monday, August 20, 2007 9:46:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

Great music. I, too, am rarely found in front of the camera, but also rarely behind. Just not as much for the pictures.

For the record, I have some pretty showing boob pictures out there. Sometimes, when I want to get Therese worked up, I'll take a picture of my boobs to get her all worked up. It works.

Monday, August 20, 2007 10:16:00 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

The only time I bust out the pigtails around here is when I want some. It's a sure bet those pigtails, those, and that rockin' pink old navy tee that showcases the girls in all their glory. Pics? oh hell no...
but I do participate on occasion in the 365 days self portrait gig on flickr. That is a true challenge I undertook to improve my photography skills. it's not working..I have better photos's of grasshoppers!
So...email me a pic so I know who i'm talking to. Put a face with the name as they say...you don't have to email the butt shot though, I'll let ya keep that one to yourself, and I'll do the same. ;P
Stacie

Monday, August 20, 2007 2:50:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

if one would look closely they would find my goodies all over the net to be oogled.

of course i deleted said pictures, but really...are they really gone?

yes. that is the question.

i'm sure you have a juicy booty.

Monday, August 20, 2007 9:16:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - Those silly, silly perfectionists. Wait! I think I'm their president. They don't appear before me, though, because, well, what with the flaw fixing and all going on.

Ha! Check your email, baby! We can still tag John Taylor while you admire the goods!

Ed - snap, snap...

FTN - Veered wildly? Wildly? Really? You so knew this post was heading in that direction when you got here! Why? Because it's been awhile since anyone has mentioned BOOBS! around here, and mommybloggers have them. Some are hella great. Mine might just be, but I'm partial, and they are humble. Not the type to jump out and just say it.

Or show it for that matter. Unless your with my husband sometime and I call him and you spot his cell phone, what with the huge ID that pops up.

And by huge, I'm not kidding. I'm also losing grip on that humble thing. I'll have to ask their permission for info when I write my book. Here's fingers crossed that one major bookstore would at least let me have a signing night! I'll look for you at such time.

RS - Man boobs are hot. I can see how this would work for you. Well, I *can't* see, and I ain't asking to or anything, but you know...

Stacie - There may be a pic or three of me in pigtails, but no action was had prior to or after said photos were taken...jotting a note here...

The 365 thing seemed like a lot of pressure when I reviewed it as a whole on flickr. I'm not that creative! That would be clear just looking at what's there for me!

kimmyk - Please pardon me for just a moment, because honestly, I don't find opportunity enough in my real life to bust this out, so I trust you'll humor me a moment as I address my juicy booty:

"Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy"

Ah, who wouldn't want a piece of my bubble? Or my boobs? However, yours and the wondering if they're ever really gone? That right there is the million dollar question. Hell, I'd pay a million and five just to know the answer to that one.

Assuming I had that. I mean, my homeboys tried to warn me...

Sorry. Now I'm just getting carried away!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

oh good Lord. Sir Mix-a-lot? Killing me.

Worst part is that it is stuck in my head now.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

RS - Than it appears that my work here is done. Which is good, because I do have it goin' on like a turbo 'Vette, and I'm afraid I'm scaring off the rest of the blog world. Oh, who am I kidding? I know I am.

But they'll be back. Why? 'Cause they're hooked and they can't stop starin'.

Yep.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

do you REALLY think they wanna get wich ya, and take yo piccha? All of them? That is a lot of people!
:)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

RS - Not only do I think that, my friend, but I also know for a fact that some of them wanna get me home
and ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh.

Just sayin'...

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Um! Snort @ you and rs! :D

xozorzk

just make sure if someone pulls up quick to retrieve it, you run away

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:36:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

I absolutely hate having my picture taken. I've been known to punch a member or two of the paparazzi back in the day.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 9:22:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

I too, hate having my picture taken, but sadely enough, I occasionally would like a photo of me with the kids. You know, just for once, get me smiling on vacation. Not just Hubs with kids, or kids with Gma and Gpa, or kids with Sister and brother. I am pathetic, I know! lol I just need to find someone that can come and do a mean airbrush job! lol

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - Some brothers wanna play that hard role and tell you that the butt ain't gold.

They're the ones to run away from, fo sho, baby!

Chag - I've been known to bust a Nikon or three in my day, too. Bad asses. That's what we are. Dangerous.

Choppzs - Oh, I so understand. Basically, I think my kids are going to think this kind, kind man of whom they bear a resemblance to simply adopted them or bought them off some friendly street vendors. No mom in the picture. Literally!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 12:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Nocturnal said...

That tune definitely brings back memories, good stuff there. I'm with you with regard to cameras, same deal.

Cheers

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 6:45:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nocturnal - This sentiment for cameras we apparently share makes it virtually impossible for me to now quote from The Cure's "Pictures of You" and Flock of Seagulls "Photograph". Oh, and Def Leppard, too, I suppose.

Perhaps this is all a good thing.

Thursday, August 23, 2007 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

What, no Ringo?

Thursday, August 23, 2007 3:28:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Desmond - Sing with me, won't you?

"Ev´ry time I see your face,
it reminds me of the places we used to go. But all I got is a photograph and I realize you're not coming back anymore."

Friday, August 24, 2007 12:24:00 PM  

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