...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

rock out with your little plastic game console guitar out

Hello suburbia! It's good to be back! Are you ready to rock?

I can't hear you!!

I said ARE YOU READY TO ROCK???

OOOHH Yeah! I wanna see you bouncin', suburbia!

Seriously, in the dictionary of lame (the collegiate edition), the entry under "loser" would be "Me - the girl who talks to herself a lot and fancies herself a rock star despite the fact she threw the clarinet down at her band teacher's feet the summer between seventh and eight grade and yelled, 'I'll never be able to hit that sharp!' and then cried while she walked home because what would she tell her parents!?"

But then, if you then flipped a few pages ahead to the entry for "totally awesome" it would read "That clarinet quitter who totally SHREDS at "Guitar Hero II in her living room, complete with an Angus Young strut and a propensity to yell, 'I gots your whammy bar right here, baby!'"

And there'd be a picture of me, totally giving you the "rock and roll salute" that I pretty much bust out at any time, be it to honor a truly kick ass dinner or as a thank you for of some decent sex. I'm just that alternative, baby!


Because I routinely like to get my ass handed to me by 9 year old boys who can bust me at video games (my dexterity sucks, man!), we decided this week to jump on the Guitar Hero fad for our PS2. I'd never played it before. I'd never seen it in action. But as soon as I saw this "Rocks the 80s" version in the Best Buy ad last Sunday, let's just say I've been a little obsessed. Like "change your panties, make a shrine, call your crush in the middle of the night, whisper "I think you're cute," then giggle and hang up" obsessed.

(And honestly, I need a reason other than blogging to suck the soul of time out of me. That's about it)

Yesterday, after letting the boys hover over me like flies on a chunk of roadkill for a good portion of the day, waiting for me to open up the game system, we made our debut. Twenty minutes in, I listened as my oldest son, the one we worked so hard with every night to help him memorize his multiplication facts during the school year, perfectly sing Cheap Trick's Surrender after his first exposure to it. Never missed a line. Of course, I'm so proud. But now I figure I have to bust out those weird Rick Nielsen looks and pretend to play a five neck guitar to get the principles of division down cold with him this school year. Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year? They'd be me. Thanks for asking.

Two hours into playing (honestly, technology is a demanding lover), I was a wreak in my living room. "This guitar playing thing isn't so hard!" I screamed over a Strutter lick. I'll believe anything. And, because I believe there is a rock and roll heaven (John Lennon at the right hand. Michael Hutchence prowling around in the back, waiting his turn at the mic), I relished in a bit of delightful irony just as I finished a steamy, sweaty version of the Crue's Shout At The Devil. At the final note, the doorbell rang.

At it?

The missionary boys from the RLDS church! Su-weeeet!

"Having a good day, miss?" they asked.

"Absolutely the greatest! I just kicked it to 'Shout At The Devil'!" I replied, while my screaming groupie kids ran around me.

"Oh! Heh heh," they tittered. "Well, do you have a moment for us to share with you some information about the one true prophet?"

"Honey, unless you're talking about the Messiah I like to call Bono, I have to get back out there! My fans are screaming for me!" I said.

They attempted to leave me a Book of Mormon (What?! No panties?!), but I told them I wrote the the book. The Book of Rock, that is (Rock and roll salute, my babies!). When Jesus gave his Sermon on the Mount? I'd have been the opening act. First song? Primus' John the Fisherman.

Damn right.

But now it's encore time, and I have an axe to grind. In this topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
Or cheap plastic. I guess I'll stick with what I know.

(But hey! After you go, don't forget to head over to Chag's at Cynical Dad and check out the songs I've chosen this week for his "Song of the Day" entries! Then, if you feel the need to roll your eyes and talk smack about them, come back here and just try and take me on. I dare you! But leave Chag a nice comment. He rocks!)

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12 Comments:

Blogger Finished Last said...

YES!!!!! My youngest has made it his life goal to conquer every Guittar Hero song at expert level and then have his opus duly recorded and put on YouTube for the masses to ponder in awe. As they say around my parts, "I gotta git me one of those 80's editions of the game. Give me some practice time and I will challenge you to a full on battle of the bands in the living room of your choice.

ldkiouw (rock me Amadeus!)

Thursday, July 26, 2007 1:51:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

I wanna rock! I-want-to-rock!
Out with my....uh girlie boner out?!?

xajini

Thursday, July 26, 2007 2:11:00 PM  
Blogger Rug's Bug said...

I'm laughing so hard that I can't type. Awesome post.

Thursday, July 26, 2007 2:53:00 PM  
Blogger Xteener said...

I didn't know they had an 80's edition. Must get.
Hilarious post!

Thursday, July 26, 2007 3:41:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

First you pull out Shout at the Devil... bad enough I was in lust already.. then the mention of Primus?
I think I came in my pants....

Thursday, July 26, 2007 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

I've never played Guitar Hero although this post and others' have made it sound very intriguing. Maybe it's time to dust off that PS2 I put in the closet nearly 5 years ago?

And thanks again for guest DJing this week. I really enjoyed reading about your song selections and it was nice to breathe some new life into it. Hope you had as much fun doing it as I had reading it.

Thursday, July 26, 2007 9:20:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I have a feeling I would totally suck at Guitar Hero.

Can you do keytar solos?

Friday, July 27, 2007 9:13:00 AM  
Blogger aka_Meritt said...

Guitar Hero has been played at my house every single day for the last oh, 6 months? NOT BY ME. LOL. No interest what-so-ever but dang, all the kids and their friends live for that game.

LOL at the Mormons....

Friday, July 27, 2007 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

FL - As much as I do love me some YouTube, no matter how great I get I will never be found busting one in my living room on that site.

And now, I will leave you all in the disappointment you all now doubt feel because of that!

Nan - You're totally my 70s era Nancy to my 70s era Ann, baby. Come home, girl. Give me some barracuda!

Rug's Bug - You're a doll. It totally rocks. I'm seriously addicted. Shaky fingers. I have blisters. I only get this way about a few things. This is claiming my addiction!

Xteener - Welcome! It was just released this week. And it is AWESOME! I can't scream that fact loud enough!

Savage - Apparently, I need a disclaimer around here then! I imagine you'll clean yourself up when I tell you that I busted it to Flock of Seagulls' "I Ran" later, yes?

Chag - Dust it off, practice, and then I'm coming over for a Monsters of Rock style all day hard rock fest. Beers wil cost $8 a cup and you'll question the need to actually use the bathroom.

And the dj gig was fun. Thanks for giving me the first nod at that!

FTN - I say the 80s edition should pretty much mandate a keytar, and yet, shockingly, no! Because I killed on Flock of Seagulls last night, and it really just seems to scream keytar to me.

The living room with a pretend guitar is actually a pretty good place to bust out the sweet guitar player moves you'd never do in public. Or YouTube.

AKA - Thanks for stopping. If you have resisted the siren's call of KISS' "Strutter" for this long, I implore you to stay away from it. It will suck the soul from you. Alas, it feels so good.

Friday, July 27, 2007 12:09:00 PM  
Blogger cat said...

oooh, I didn't know there was an 80s version! Hubby bought the original one last summer, thinking it would be something to entertain me after my surgery... although I didn't really enjoy it because I didn't know (or like) most of the songs. So it lays there, collecting dust on the top of our shelf now. Poor little guitar.

But an 80s version... mmmmm... I could totally get into that!

Friday, July 27, 2007 8:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Nocturnal said...

I've seen so many people post about this, yet have no clue. Thanks for the insight.

Friday, July 27, 2007 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Cat - I highly suggest picking it up. If for no other reason than to pretend you're Patty Smyth performing "The Warrior" - which I may or may not do...

Nocturnal - People with real guitars and musical chops - ahem - would simply make me look foolish. But it's as close as I'll get!

Monday, July 30, 2007 1:20:00 AM  

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