you might say it's a crush
Oldest son: "Blech. Only girls like the Jonas Brothers!"
Oldest son: "Mom, you're NOT a girl..."
Tool Man: "Trust me, son. Your mom is a girl."
Oldest son: "Whatever. You're NOT making me listen to them."
Honestly? That's fine by me, because I think I need to be alone when I listen to these boys so I don't feel quite so guilty for all the nasty, nasty thoughts I have when I think about them. Well, mostly I think about that sexy, sexy Joe and his skinny little jeans.
Yes, I am so thinking about his jeans! Or, you know, whatever...
I want to slather Joe Jonas in cougar sauce and casually gnaw on him while enjoying a glass of wine. Of course, he's not yet old enough to drink (but he turns 19 on Friday, which I know because I may or may not have read it in Tiger Beat magazine while on break with my adorable coworker, who is gay and also hot for Joe, but I would totally fight him for Joe, and he knows I would win), so yeah! More wine for me!
Confession - While my family was away on their recent male bonding weekend, I sat in my darkened living room on a Saturday night and watched Camp Rock. Twice.
OK, three times. But the last time, I fast forwarded through that creepy girl's part just so I could get to Joe's subtly superb turn as Shane, the ne'er do well, ego maniacal rock star who learns, through the course of clearly unrealistic nature scenes and what was referred to as hip hop dancing but absolutely was not, that it's more important to be one's self.
Especially if one's self can pull off those tight, tight pants.
And by 'pull off,' I absolutely mean "allow me to admire the quality craftsmanship of your well tailored ensemble."
I know. I know! I'm 40. A few bottles of wine 20 years ago, and I could have kids as old as this trio. Only if I had, my kids probably wouldn't be able to carry a tune, and, like my 10 year old, insist I'm not a girl.
But I am a girl, and whether I like it or not, I've got a big old girly boner for the Jonas Brothers. Rawr!
(Did that sound like a cougar's roar? Yeah? Excellent...)
Labels: Tool Man doesn't like it when I ask him to sing S.O.S. in bed (or if I call him Redneck Mommy)
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 12:55 AM
51 Comments:
egad. Oh girl. You got it bad.
They are almost young enough to be my kids. Yeah, cause I am not old enough to be their mother, nope, that's not how I roll.
I am still hot for Johnny Depp.
T.
dammit, not first.
I don't know the Jonas brothers. You can have them. In fact, you can have the entire Disney catalog.
Except Minnie. I love that saucy mouse.
Just so you know, I totally don't mind if you call your hubs Redneck Mommy while you are doing naked times.
Cuz I know I'm thinking of you when I'm doing some mattress dancing.
Heh.
Now if only you didn't lust after the Jonas kid. What can I do to divert your attention from him and back to me, love?
Wink.
Had this been me posting about a soon to be 19 year old (any female, cute as a button, not quite slutty yet pop-star) I'd be considered creepy while on the obverse you just get considered cougery....
You are like soft core porn for my verbal masturbation....
I so lust you.
We took the kids to the Hannah Montana/Jonas Bros show in Dec. My Love can't stop about the JBs, and she hates that kiddie pop. (Un like me who has the admiration for bubblegum in any flavor). I can see her breaking out the cougar sauce. Thing 1 is definitely a Nick man (he dated Miley!)
Me - From what I've seen, their mom has got it goin' on. Rrrrrroooow.
Well, I don't feel so bad about Shia LaBeouf now. I think he'd be pretty damn tasty smothered in cougar sauce.
None of my kids are into the Jonas Bros., and I have girls who could conceivably date those boys. After checking out your Joe picture, I am so NOT ready to be the "Mom." So yeah, break out the cougar sauce and let's get the party started!
MMMmmm....I lurve me some Kevin Jonas....le sigh.
Cougar sauce...I love it!
40 / 2 + 7 = 27
Sorry, your magic number is way too high. Keep it a fantasy for the time being. 19 is even too young for me, sadly. I've got to keep to anyone above 23.
And I just have to say that the tight jeans on any dude over the age of 21 (or over 6' or 130 pounds) is NOT a good look.
I'm beginning to be thankful I've always gone for older men. Of course, now those older men are eligible for social security benefits.
we have discussed this before, my dear...
the EYEBROWS!!! the eyebrows!!!!!!!!
save me from Joe Jonas' eyebrows.
but, Emily will be happy to hear that Joe is your favorite too. ;)
Well, let me just say that you ain't seen me in tight jeans, yet, my dear. . .
(stop snickering). . .
Sorry. Given that my daughter is 19 and I know a lot of her guy friends and how they are, the thought of lusting after a guy of that age is a little ridiculous to me. But that's just me.
Although, there is one of my daughter's friends who is just too darn gorgeous for his own good. I would save some cougar sauce for him.
Very funny! Your blog made this work at home mom laugh- thanks!
I could see falling for someone 19 years older than me, but not 19 younger. That's waaay too close to my little brother's age for me!
Having two pre preteen boys in the house and being too cheap to pay for real cable, I've managed to completely avoid the Jonas Brothers. However, I just paid a visit to you tube-
How old do you have to be to meet cougar qualifications?
I don't think I can quite get to the lusting-over-someone-that-is-younger-than-my-oldest-child thing. (No, I'm not *that* much older than you, either- just a year).
Even if I were swinging that way, I don't see the JB attraction anyway; of course, I don't get it for any of the bubblegum set. I'll lust after a woman, not a kid. Someone your age. In fact...
I am totally staging an intervention.
You naughty, naughty cougar.
Motherbumber? I'm volunteering to help with that intervention.
Cougar sauce?
Ooooo..slather in cougar sauce...
I think I'm out of the loop on this Jonas Brothers thing, but it looks like I may need to get my old cougar ass in gear.
Always on the lookout for fresh meat.
I used to have a crush on Phil from Phil of the Future or whatever the hell that show was called. But, I refused to admit it until I looked him up and figured out he was over 18. I feel your cougar pain.
Rowr.
I cant imagine you any other way Cougar!!!! And yes, whilst slightly weak, your Rawr sounded very cougar-like!
i've never seen these boys before.
but i can appreciate the love of the boy banders because i will forever be in love with the backstreet boys.
eventually they grow up to be men, right?
Don't get mad but I saw them on so you think you can dance and the only one I might find attractive had a... ::gag:: bandanna on his head kinda like a headband. Killed it for me. I like my men with nice rough hands and at least some facial hair. ;op
And I agree with Ali RE the eyebrows.
oh I so glad to know that I'm not the only dirty old lady in the bunch! Wooo hooo! They just keep making them cuter and cuter... what's a girl to do?
LMAO! Too funny! I have no idea what their names are, but there's only one of them that I think is pretty cute :) I think he's the lead singer...LOL (the one W/O the curly mop)
haha! oh, classic girl boner story, girl. love it! :)
Are you accussing me of SAYING there are sheep but NOT MEANING IT!!
Well, I never! And how rude!!
Youre just mad cuz you couldnt find them!
Hallie
"Big old Girly Boner". That's a great line.
Danger Boy HATES the Jonas Brothers. Anything unpleasant mentioned in our home is referenced by him in terms of how much better it is than the JBs. For instance, if he doesn't flush after Number 2 and it is found by Whiney Girl several hours later he says "At least it's better than the Jonas Brothers".
Thanks for your comments on underage Chinese gymnasts. Their makeup really creeped me out too; the US girls hardly wore any.
This sounds an awful lot like my Hanson crush.
And that just didn't turn out well.
Word to the wise.
You're funnier than me... come see what I've left you.
funny. i thought 40 is the new 30 now and since we never turn 30, you are technically 29. so girl, just have fun.
I still get the Jonas Brothers and the Naked Brothers mixed up. Besides, I'm busy crushing on Steve from Blues Clues.
(backing away slowwwwwly...)
As my good buddy J always says, they are not too young for you, they "drove themselves here."
I'm a girl, too. But those brothers don't do it for me. I will take, however, one of those dudes from Degrassi, the Next Generation.
Oh please no, they're just as bad, if not worse than Hansen were.
I admit to being somewhat in love with J.C. from NSYNC, but that was high school.
All these new pop stars annoy the crap out of me. I'm looking forward to seeing the day when Miley Cyrus falls into "bad-girl" like Britney Spears.
And when one of the Jonas Brothers turns out to be gay.
I totally understand. I've been breathing a little unevenly over some of them there Olympic swimmer boys. Those shoulders. Those thighs. Those...Could you slide that bottle of sauce down the table?
This is only disturbing to me because I'm guilty of the same thing. And by guilty, I mean, uh, allegedly.
In the eyes of the law, the Chinese Olympic girls gymnastics team is nearly legal.
Damnit, that was out loud.
I have to go with Ali on this one.
I DO want to hold The Jonas Brothers down and do things to them, but it involves using eyebrow wax and cloth strips in very non-perverted ways.
Oh, sweetie. I have no words for this. I am really sure you could do better.
Erm, I mean do better as in, better taste in boys..er...men. Not better post. Just in case you were wondering. I read my comment and thought it sounded rude, but that wasn't what I meant. Really!
*passes the coolwhip*
Yeah! Many comments. Yawn! I'm supposed to be tired. I'll write wordy wordy responses to all of you tomorrow. Um. Later today, I guess.
tlc - Oh, I still have a very healthy respect for Mr. Depp. Very healthy indeed!
BP Dad - In my heart, you're always first. Awww! I know, right?
Redneck Mommy - You're always in my heart, too! Rawr! But can you sing? I'd totally ditch dudes... ;)
Savage - Your sweet, sweet compliments make me swoon. Seriously! You're too good to me, sir. ;)
Always Home - YOU'VE BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM AS MY YOUNG BOYFRIEND?! I MUST TOUCH YOU!
Biscuit - I would happily nibble at the Shia crumbs!
Cocotte - I buy the cougar sauce at Costco. Giant bottles so there's plenty to go around!
Laura - Yeah! Someone who gives some love to Kevin! I'm sure it makes Kevin happy!
ftn - I can't help it. Younger men are prey to me. And at least I didn't profess a hot, hot desire for that little 15 year old Jonas (though he is cute...cuddly...must stop...)
MAM - Many of my pretend boyfriends and husbands are older, but sometimes those younger ones, all shiny and fresh, really grab my attention!
Ali - I like to think Joe Jonas needs a wise older woman like me to guide him, and perhaps I'll guide him to the salon for a wax! If Emily wants, we can get together and write love letters to Joe together!
Des - I say skinny jeans on boys creep me out, but secretly....Secretly I'm both impressed AND pissed!
Phyllis - There's just something about those young ones. Not a boy, not yet a man....ha!
Christina lee - Thank you for coming by and saying that!
Therese - In reality, 19 is too close to my youngest child, but I still can't help it!
Chas - Ha! I should look into the rules for that! Let's start with five years!
Sailor - I'm an equal opportunity luster...but he's so cute (here's were I'd probably giggle if I wasn't trying to be so mature!).
Motherbumper - I will totally pull a Corey Haim on you and deny I have a problem!
Weirdgirl - I have to crash before I can admit I have a problem!
Heather - It's sold next to the ketchups and fancy steack sauces. In my mind. :)
Alice - I will share Joe, but at the end of the day, he's mine and he's going to marry me. Or, you know. Whatever. ha!
Meg - I can totally see why you'd be crushed on that dude. And he's over 20! Double Rawr!
Lori - I've been totally working on my sexy, sexy cougar growl. It makes weird customers back away, so double benefits! Yeah!
kimmy - Exactly! Hopefully, they'll keep growing cute, because not all boy band members do. Some of those NKOTB kids are a bit rough looking for me!
Bee - I looked that clip up. First - SWOON! I'm even more hot for that kid now! Second - I like to think that bandana is just a practice run for when we play "Pirate and the Saucy Wench". Well, when Joe and I play (in my mind), not you and I. Unless you want to, but we'd have to talk about it first. ;)
Bee - Gotta be honest, the brows have grown on me!
Merecat - Exactly! It's THEIR fault, not ours!
Wethyb - You think my Joe is cute, too!
Katie - Thank you, sweetie!
WWoW - I could drive myself mad looking!
Trooper - Ha! My boys do something similar. Let's say they deem everything better than the Jonas Brothers!
San Diego Momma - Within my blog are numberous mentions of Hanson and my cougary interest in them. That cute Taylor Hanson? H.O.T.!
Zip - Funny is sometimes me being punch drunk!
Savvy - YES! Your theory is perfect, and absolutely fits! Thanks for that, and for coming by!
Bunny - Here's an easy tip - The Naked Brothers Band is REALLY too young, and not cute! Hope that helps! Also? I am and remain forever hot for Steve from Blue's Clues!
Twobusy - No! Wait! Come back! (Yeah! You did!. Now...must back off exclamation points...)
Bogart - Your buddy is a smart, smart man!
Meg - That means one less woman for me to shake off Joe to claim my rightful place! You're totally right about some of those Degrassi kids, though!
Tulip - By the time Hanson came around, I was old enough to cougar on them, too, and I totally did! I've got a soft spot for some of these young kids!
Pam - I can't take my eyes off their abs...mmmm...abs....
M - It's comments like that that please me greatly when you come around!
Loralee - I'm going to have to lock my man/boy away from all of you bearing the wax! I'm so hot for him 'as is'!
Cat - Oh, I have my fair share of grungy men I'm hot for, too!
Cat - "takes Cool Whip and scoops heaping spoonfuls in her mouth" :)
Future Mrs. Joe Jonas's Grandmother - You should really think about going to bed sooner.
Oh, no, no no. The Jonas brothers? REALLY?
I'd slather my cougar sauce on that Zac Efron kid, although I think he's legally of age, so what's the fun of that?
Manager Mom - Really! I'm all kinds of hot for that man/boy! Both our boys are just barely legal, though, so, you know, it's still fun! Heh.
grrrrrl! no!
just say no!
Ms Picket - God help me, I JUST CAN'T get over that cute boy!
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