if the real thing don't do the trick you better make up something quick

Hello, my name is fadkog. You might know me from my work here at ...for a different kind of girl or twitter. I appreciate you tuning in, and I apologize for not being around for more than a week. I'll assume you've noticed I've not been around for more than a week. If you haven't, then I'm going to feel like a goof, in which case, here, let me me just tell you, again, that you're looking especially pretty and/or handsome today in an attempt to hide my assumptions. It's a pretty damn big assumption, too, because I've been stuffing fistfuls of candy corn and salted peanuts in my gullet for days.

What?

I know.

And THAT is why I've not been around for awhile. I've got nothing with the words lately. I sit down to write and then my kid has the nerve to come home with homework and OMG, THE HOMEWORK!!! Or my Tool Man starts hanging around the house on a daily basis and I'm all, "Um, don't you have a job? OMG! Did you lose your job?!" and no, he didn't, he's just taking some vacation days, but interesting, very interesting, he's growing that whole "I have no job" beard, and though it's only been four days, he already looks like Barry Gibb and I wonder every day I come home from my taxing book selling days if he's going to ask me how deep is my love.

What?

Yeah, I just wrote a paragraph name-checking a musical icon from the 70s. I like to keep up on what the kids are diggin' these days. So much so that, over the weekend, while the boys and I were running errands, a song came on the radio and I was all, "What is this crap?! Do kids like this crap?! In my day, singers didn't need radio edits! They needed a mean synthesizer and a pseudo-military jacket and they sang things like being hungry the way a wolf is hungry or obsessing over someone and demanding to know what they could do to make that person love them." In short, I felt old. Let me get my shawl, get off my lawn, "Oh, look, NCIS is on!" old.

What's NCIS, you ask? Good question. It's apparently some television show that's been on for awhile and now has a spin-off staring Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J, and to that I say WHAT? I don't know why I say that, though, because I've never seen a single moment of the original show, but because I've got nothing at all to write about, I actually tweeted about it.

Yes, this is the type of scintillating goodness I give the wonderful people who follow me on Twitter. What do you mean you're not following me there yet? That's a grade A zinger right there, folks.

And that's another reason I've got nothing going on here, either. Oh, sure, I could have told you about how I was TOTALLY hit on over the Campbell's tomato soup cans while at the grocery store last night. I mean TOTALLY! Like, the dude after remarking about the amazing way I handled the cans, asked if I'd come over to his place and actually make soup with him!! Of course, because I'm happily married to a bearded hunk of man (even though he doesn't love tomato soup), I had to decline this Lothario's advances before he started telling me about the noodles in his chicken noodle soup which I'm *pretty sure* weren't actually noodles but a euphemism for things that are sometimes noodle-like. I also was compelled to turn him down because he had a far, far prettier ponytail going on than I did at that particular moment. I can do beards, but the wavy, thick man ponytails make me jealous and I don't need that over my refreshing cup o' soup.

So I won't tell you that story.

I will tell you that I noticed my Tool Man is totally rocking a six-pack these days. I was captivated by it the other night when we were sitting on the couch as the glow of the TV set off the chiseled lines. Of course, the six-pack is on his forehead, and it really pops when he scrunches his brow while deep in thought. The beard? It absolutely sets it off.

Speaking of off, I must now be. If you read this entire post, please accept my apologies. There are just no words.