...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

i'm the mayor 'round these parts

welcome to randomville. yeah, that's me, standing by the welcome sign, waving at you. as you enter, you're going to wonder why you're here, exactly. to be honest, i can't really tell you. maybe, like the person who unearthed this blog today with the search words "first boy to see my boobs," you're just drawn to the mystery of why i talk so much about my kick ass rack, but never show it off.

if such be the case, i hope you move here. because if you were to look in my windows today, you'd probably see the fabled rack. i'm sitting at the computer, half naked, as i write this. you'd probably never guess why, but i'd be curious your assumptions.

though you wouldn't be the first boy to see my boobs if you did so.

first stop here in randomville is a work story - last night, while shelving some titles near the childcare/parenting section, i totally got hit on. this makes me happy for two reasons. first, this event cements the cliche that people really do that flirting thing at bookstores (an aside, "we met at a bookstore" may or may not be the story my husband and i use when people ask how two people so utterly perfect for each other crossed paths and lit a fire of red hot passion that burns as bright today as it did the very first moment he laid eyes on my kick ass rack).

second, it proves my theory that, at least for the moment, i can think i was the hottest thing killing time in the barnes and noble last night. or that you can at least work with me here for a moment and think the same thing, people.

anyway, this very nice young man is hemming and hawing near the parenting books as i work in the aisle. because i have obvious
customer services skills, i asked if i could help him find something.

"oh, no. i'm just looking," came his patented answer.

i smiled, said if he changed his mind, i was there for him, and i went back to shelving. i barely had the comment complete when this comes from him.

"so today i got custody of my three kids and wow, it's a little overwhelming!"

because i used to pretend i was a psychologist when i was 10 (don't all kids?), i turned back toward him, smiled, and asked how he felt about that, and added i bet it was going to be an interesting time in his house for awhile.

"so i bet you've got your hands full," i stated.

"i have a boy and two girls, and i have to say, i'm pretty worried about the girls as they get older. i don't really know what to do with them. i mean, they need that female perspective. especially as they get older."

by now, he's right up next to me, fingers tracing the spine of a book on single parenting

"oh, how old are your daughters?" i asked.

"oh, they're 1 and 2," he said.

"well, the good things is you've got a few years to go before you have to fill them in on a lot of stuff," i replied while, at this point, looking for an out from this aisle. super dad would have none of that, though.

"yeah, but i'm worried about things like dating and boys and well, you know. 'girl things,'" he said, following me up the aisle. "do you have to worry about things like that?"

" 'girl things,' you mean?" i said, glancing down at myself to be sure. "well, heh heh. i guess i'm lucky there. i have two young sons, so i do understand the challenges of parenting. we do have an assortment of books on helping kids adjust to adolescence, as well as some really interesting books on single parenting. i'd be glad to help you search some titles out if you're interested."

"well, you know, i only have five bucks in my wallet right now," he sighed, getting closer to me still.

"parenting is a pretty costly venture," i offered in response. "so, since you just got custody of the kids today, are they here with you tonight?" (yes, it actually took me 15 minutes into the conversation to realize this man who had told me he was the sole provider of three very young children was out browsing a bookstore without said kids. overwhelmed by the flirting, i was)

"oh, no. they're with their moms," he said, complete with a little wink (i swear to you).

so i smiled, twisted at my name tag with my left hand in view, offered him my best wishes on his new life and suggested that if he was looking for relationship help as well, i could direct him to the self-help section.

"lots of women hang out there," i muttered as i walked away. "learning about that 'girl stuff' that becomes so important later in life. and they're probably hot for five bucks."

but honestly, i'm still of the thought that it's cool i got hit on.

second stop in randomville - still don't have much for clothes on. a look at the clock shows i should go take care of that soon. any guesses yet?

third stop - i'm getting a tremendous number of visits from china lately. a recent check indicated half of my day's visitors came from there. apparently, like most american celebrities, i'm huge in the asian market and i expect i'll be pimping watches and fine liquors in print and television ads there in no time. plus i'll be releasing an album.

fourth stop - on the drive to work last night, i actually sang and danced along in the mini to this song before i realized i had sunk into madness. obviously, i'm not a proud person, and i'll probably cover this tune on my import-only disc.

if only i could scold me.

final stop, and this is truly random - obviously, with the impending arrival of spring, the world has taken on a new air. crisp and clean with impending promise.

however, my yard apparently smells like nasty gym clothes and fetid mcdonald's french fries. sort of like the mini (though seriously, there has to be some kind of funk in it if it knocked me temporarily insane long enough to kick it to some debbie gibson). luckily, i discovered nature plans to abate the problem with this handy air freshener. and it's not just vanilla scented, mind you. it's vanillarama.

this and many other reasons will likely prompt you to want to move here to randomville. get here soon before real estate prices skyrocket. still opportunity to get in on the ground floor right here on my street.

where the women sit around half naked and the lawns smell of cookies.



Blogger Confused Husband said...

Does it really matter why your half naked? Seriously. Sitting here reading you talk about your kickass rack and being half naked...... Just makes me more upset about missing the holiday yesterday.

You wouldn't happen to have another repairman coming over today would you? They have already seen your yellow undergarments. :D

Thursday, March 15, 2007 11:10:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Because it is hot inside and you haven't turned the air conditioner on yet?

At least you didn't find a spent condom in your yard like Beth at sothefishsaid.

Deborah Gibson, an interesting choice.

I love randomville, haven't you figured that out yet? ;)


Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

because it's fun?

Oh, i've found myself kicking it to Debbie, too. I embrace my 80s child! :)

Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

You know the guy at the bookstore went home with like three chicks and had 14 hours of hot sweaty sex. He probably found them flipping through the self-help books, or the graphic novels, or perhaps he just camped out in the fiction section, finding girls that were looking for Danielle Steele and Anais Nin books. At least that's usually how I do it.

All the hits from China are me. I was hungry for Chinese food after your last entry.

Now go put some clothes on before Hairy Neighbor has a coronary.

Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:49:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Hmmmm. . . so last night, I'm sitting at the dining room table about 11 o'clock, reading my mail and nursing a shot of brandy, when Molly appears at the door, completely naked, asking me when I'm coming to bed. Uh, right now, dear. . .

So my question is - is there some kind of 'naked wife' vibe going thru the Universe right now?

And gee, you reminded me of my own 'getting-hit-on' story (I only have one); I'll have to post it sometime. . .

Thursday, March 15, 2007 1:14:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

Debbie Gibson huh? Could be worse..you could have been singing I Touch Myself (Divynlys) out loud within earshot of your kids.

Totally cool that you got hit one..as for sitting half nekkid at the computer at 10:30 am, my guess is you're waiting for your clothes to come out of the dryer, but I might be projecting...

Thursday, March 15, 2007 2:19:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

Debbie Gibson? Oh no you di'int!
I'll get you back for that one.

Thursday, March 15, 2007 2:27:00 PM  
Blogger Summer Rose said...

AAkk! that looks like a dead mouse, with the air freshener to keep the smell at bey. Either dead or alive, I can't stand those creatures!

As for Debbie Gibson, haven't sang one of her songs since High School choir.

Thursday, March 15, 2007 6:32:00 PM  
Blogger ArtfulDodger said...

I break out in hives to Debbie Gibson. But I think I've been living in radomville for a long time now, we must've run into each other there at least once or twice, randomly of course. :)

Thursday, March 15, 2007 7:58:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

confused - you know what? you're right. it really *doesn't* matter why i was sitting around half naked, chatting casually about the KAR (patent pending). but i'll probably fill the curious in here in a bit.

and i'm thinking maybe, just maybe, i need to break some stuff around here. it's been a week since there's been a repairman visit. note to self...

nanette - oh, i hate to admit this outloud, but since i'm technically typing this and not speaking it, it's not outloud. therefore, i'll say, with the amount of necessary shame a confession like this requires, that the spent condom situation reminds me of my first go at sex. good times. classy. until the condom dropping.

see how much you're learning about me and we're not even neighbors!? you're rethinking that whole idea right about now, aren't you...well, then, let me just say that i *love* that you love randomville!

april - then i shouldn't be ashamed to confess to the random milli vanilla and culture club tracks that are perhaps lying in wait on the ipod, eh? that's consistently good stuff right there, my friend!

ftn - ni hao, my international friend! i'd totally be charmed if i found you browsing the danielle steele. i'd be even more charmed if you could kick out the 14 hours of hot sweaty sex, and therefore wouldn't make fun of you if i found you in that section of the store. you know where to find me now if you want to swap fortunes and test this duration theory.

until then, zai jian from me and hairy neighbor...

desmond - there is a special ops force in place of naked wives. we roam the universe to taunt and titillate. that's right. i used the 't' verb.

unfortunately, because you are now aware of us, you will be forced to pay a hefty consequence.it may involve divulging your own 'getting hit on' tale or a punishment of our choosing. you decide...

stacie - trust me, i've busted out the divynyls business many a time. what i won't be busting out is in what instances i've used them as my weapon of choice...

recovering soul - don't doubt the power i have, good sir.


consider the gauntlet dropped. gladiator style.

summer - you did debbie gibson songs in high school choir?! dang. i went to a loser high school!

actually, it's a dead leaf in the dormant grass of my front lawn, but a closer look at the photo makes me see the possibility you raise.

art - how nice of you to drop by! i'll keep a closer eye out for you in randomville. heck, i'll buy you a drink, even. i should be easy to spot, what with being half-naked in the mid mornings and all.

as for the half-naked thing? that's just how i randomly spend my mornings. well, mornings when i'm coloring my hair. nice and easy, people. the name says it all. it may be so, but it's a bitch on your clothes.

Thursday, March 15, 2007 11:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your mini sounds a bit like my own, of course mine now had a charming dent that I added when we got our one and only snow of the season.

I never thought of "I just got custody of my kids" as a pick up line. Have to file that away.

So how often do you color your hair?

rlubj (heh it says bj in it)

Friday, March 16, 2007 1:48:00 PM  

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