further proof the angels breathed life into our love...
"kiss me," i purr, sliding up the length of my husband's prone body, reuniting after two days lost from the other.
"you don't want this," he replies, turning his face ever so slightly away from my waiting lips.
"kiss me!" i beg, perfectly puckered, angel bowed lips millimeters away from his goateed chin and hands where hands should be during these types of encounters.
"um...really," he commands, his face turning hesitantly back toward mine, still tiny millimeters away.
"i just burped," he continues. "and it's bad. it's really, really bad."
i pause, a moment's rejection slipping across my face, angelic and eager.
then the reality of our relationship rears its gnarly fist back and goes for the punch.
"oh, my god!" i gasp, the breeze stirred up by his words of warning now hitting me square where i lay.
"dude! seriously!" i erupt. "it's like a small animal crawled into your mouth while you were sleeping and, unable to find it's way back out, had no recourse by to curl up and die in there. you're breath is freakin' evil!"
grins times two erupt. pushing myself up and off him, i'm left no recourse but to profess my affection through words alone.
"i strongly suggest you spend some time with the dental floss," i encourage. "make sure you get those stray pieces of fur and tiny bones."
how love sustains itself while holding my breath is amazing...
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 7:00 PM
17 Comments:
what bad timing for a burp ... LOL.
Sounds like he needs more than just dental floss....yuk!
I think those high powered breath mints might be just the ticket.
You never hear of this kind of stuff happening with Romeo and Juliet. But we all know it did.
Sounds like my house the day after I ate garlic fries at a ball game. And i thought food was supposed to be sexy.
That was just so dam funny! Now if only we could get Hollywood to make movies about *real* relationships.
Anmd jumping to myour hubby's defense, aren't you glad he warned you? I mean seriously imagine if he didn't warn you and you actually did kiss thast dead animal. Then what kind of post would we be reading?
CH
Yeah, see, this is the kind of 'real-world' stuff that never shows up in the 'erotica'. . .
Ha! Ewwwww.....
Binaca, IV drip is in order--I think :P
funny and so gross.....ewwww. I have to agree at least loving hubby did warn you.
S.R.
Men! Ya gotta luv 'em!
Stacie
Sorry that I havent been commenting much... I have a lot on my mind right now...
I still totally lust you though...
Around these parts, we call that "Garbage Pail Mouth" and I am ALWAYS thankful for the warning.
princess - we sometimes like to put on toy crowns and pretend we're the reigning king and queen of bad timing!
fusion - trust me. there have been worse events. it's just that he's learned to put out the flashing warning lights now!
nocturnal - exactly. you'd think i'd be better prepared with a cache of mints and trinkets and whatnots. i sucked as a girl scout.
ftn - it's probably why romeo and juliet died in the first place. that ending just didn't test well with the elizabethan audiences.
finished - food is damn sexy. food that's been stewing in your stomach acids for a few hours is horrific.
confused - i'm thrilled he warned me, of course! if for no other reason than it gave me a scintillating blog entry!
desmond - ah, and it is for that very reason i can't write erotica. though i could probably act it out.
nanette - stat!
summer - trust me. i've been the unwitting victim of some pretty nasty events that have dampened the romantic preludes. some of us around here have learned our lessons (and it isn't me...)
stacie - girl, my downfall is i freakin' adore them!
savage - like i adore my savage here. whose burps probably smell of roses and lustfilled passion.
flutterby - i think the warnings should come on a gradient level, much like the national terrorist threat.
I thought about sharing a story about the time Molly farted during oral sex, but I decided not to. . .
desmond - good lord. i don't want to have to ask this question, but i can't bring myself not to. the curiousity of wondering whether it that happened during the giving or receiving is too intriguing not to wonder.
and yes, there is a part of me that's ashamed of myself for that.
just a little part.
Well, I told you I decided not to tell the story. . . but I'll just say that one way is WAY more 'story-tellable' than the other one. Yeah, that's what it was. . .
desmond - you're a good man, sir.
honestly, i'd have been jumping up and running to the computer. but then, i am the girl who took a telephone call from her mother during such a thing, so obviously, you can tell where my thought processes run from time to time.
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