did i ask too much, more than a lot...

i realize the difference between a “need” and a “want”. webster hasn’t failed me in clearly defining the former is a lack of something requisite and the latter more in the realm of desire. but truly, the line between the two verbs is so incredibly finite. it struck me as i drove home from an errand last night, in a moment of silence so perfect i wish it was something that could be purchased and taken out for use at any time, that the things i need and the things i want seem to be quite clouded lately. i can’t determine, honestly, those that i crave most of all, because I crave them all.

some of it’s silly, granted. i'm, at the core, a rather silly girl. others are much deeper and more important.

so humor me, if you will, for a moment, while i share with you some of the needs/wants that flood my heart.

* a really great laugh.
* the whining to stop.
* a day where I don’t have to hear about the latest chapters in a world of anna nicoles or britneys.
* someone to say i'm wonderful.
* a week of pure “nothingness” in order to read my books.
* to do that thing he and i talked about.
* my word to be law in a kingdom slowly being overthrown by children.
* someone to braid my ponytails.
* less stuff.
* my friend to ask about me after a two hour, take no breaths discourse on all her woes.
* that same friend actually listening when i start to respond and then not turning the discussion back on her.
* never to have watch the first response home pregnancy test commercial with the simulated peeing on a stick again. ever. seriously.
* to not always be the giver.
* a decision.
* a plan.
* the ability to know which one from the above two really needs to be made first.
* a thank you from the girl at panera from whom i graciously purchased my coffee.
* a gift so unexpected and yet so perfect you keep pulling it out to admire it.
* to not get used to being ignored.
* the “manammal,” his perky wife, their two cubs and the four-legged crap factory who live next door to me to move away. silently. in the night.
* the neighbors who live on the other side of me to realize we’re not living on “fraternity row” anymore and to move away, too. seriously. the couch and old foosball table on your front porch? classy. take them and all the cars coming and going back to keg night.
* the ability to just let things go. heh…yeah…
* to not be the first one who always says it.
* the “mystery check” to show up in our mailbox. today would be good.
* a picture i love.
* to be thought of, if even for just a moment, as stunning.
* no more easy discussions.
* a real kiss.
* a bra and pair of shoes you don’t even know you have on.
* to know that heaven is not actually the idea of bliss just mentioned above.
* that matter to go away.
* an answer to the question i keep asking.
* a moment of blissful clarity.
* an hour (or more) of honest to god mattress gripping.
* an extended stay somewhere warm and beautiful and enriched with amazing company.
* a husband who flirts first.
* a husband who, at the very least, flirts back.
* a night out without my children.
* a happy ending.