...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

did i ask too much, more than a lot...

i realize the difference between a “need” and a “want”. webster hasn’t failed me in clearly defining the former is a lack of something requisite and the latter more in the realm of desire. but truly, the line between the two verbs is so incredibly finite. it struck me as i drove home from an errand last night, in a moment of silence so perfect i wish it was something that could be purchased and taken out for use at any time, that the things i need and the things i want seem to be quite clouded lately. i can’t determine, honestly, those that i crave most of all, because I crave them all.

some of it’s silly, granted. i'm, at the core, a rather silly girl. others are much deeper and more important.

so humor me, if you will, for a moment, while i share with you some of the needs/wants that flood my heart.

* a really great laugh.
* the whining to stop.
* a day where I don’t have to hear about the latest chapters in a world of anna nicoles or britneys.
* someone to say i'm wonderful.
* a week of pure “nothingness” in order to read my books.
* to do that thing he and i talked about.
* my word to be law in a kingdom slowly being overthrown by children.
* someone to braid my ponytails.
* less stuff.
* my friend to ask about me after a two hour, take no breaths discourse on all her woes.
* that same friend actually listening when i start to respond and then not turning the discussion back on her.
* never to have watch the first response home pregnancy test commercial with the simulated peeing on a stick again. ever. seriously.
* to not always be the giver.
* a decision.
* a plan.
* the ability to know which one from the above two really needs to be made first.
* a thank you from the girl at panera from whom i graciously purchased my coffee.
* a gift so unexpected and yet so perfect you keep pulling it out to admire it.
* to not get used to being ignored.
* the “manammal,” his perky wife, their two cubs and the four-legged crap factory who live next door to me to move away. silently. in the night.
* the neighbors who live on the other side of me to realize we’re not living on “fraternity row” anymore and to move away, too. seriously. the couch and old foosball table on your front porch? classy. take them and all the cars coming and going back to keg night.
* the ability to just let things go. heh…yeah…
* to not be the first one who always says it.
* the “mystery check” to show up in our mailbox. today would be good.
* a picture i love.
* to be thought of, if even for just a moment, as stunning.
* no more easy discussions.
* a real kiss.
* a bra and pair of shoes you don’t even know you have on.
* to know that heaven is not actually the idea of bliss just mentioned above.
* that matter to go away.
* an answer to the question i keep asking.
* a moment of blissful clarity.
* an hour (or more) of honest to god mattress gripping.
* an extended stay somewhere warm and beautiful and enriched with amazing company.
* a husband who flirts first.
* a husband who, at the very least, flirts back.
* a night out without my children.
* a happy ending.

21 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

I can allow you to cross one thing off your list--You are wonderful in my eyes. I really wish the miles did not separate us, then I could help you cross a few more off of that list as well.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 2:17:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Curses -- Nanette beat me to it. But just for good measure: Hey, FADKOG, you're wonderful! That's what keeps us coming back for more. And I'd love to help with the rest, although I don't think I'm qualified for a few of them. Any time you want to chat on the phone, I promise to ask how you are and to actually listen to the response. I know how incredibly annoying that one is.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 4:33:00 PM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

Good list. Sounds just about right.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 6:23:00 PM  
Blogger Tajalude said...

Seems like a pretty good list. Where are the turtle brownies? : )

Amen on the (non) flirting husbands.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 8:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Nocturnal said...

I think you need a Ouija board more than anything. I'd gladly play with you.

Cheers

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 10:30:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Does kickass count for 'wonderful'?

And hey, just be glad that Molly and I and our horde don't live next door to you. . .

Thursday, February 22, 2007 9:50:00 AM  
Blogger flutterby said...

I *loved* your list. Some days I find myself filled with this undefined, marginless Longing... and really, how many days do us girls take the time to actually examine, define and Feel those sorts of things?

Reading your list -- even though it was Yours -- was like shining a light on those unsatisfied desires, that pervasive wanting. Feeling the borders take shape, you know.

I think I just may have to sit down and make my own list sometime.

Best wishes on seeing some of those things on your list come to pass. Especially the kiss. Cause it just sounded delicious and Needed and, really, who couldn't wish someone a perfect, to-your-toes kind of kiss?

Flutterby
flutterbythursdayschild.blogspot.com

Thursday, February 22, 2007 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger April said...

ohh...i like flutterby's comment.

:)

and i think kickass is the same as wonderful! and if you find that bra...lemme know. i need one, too.

Thursday, February 22, 2007 2:40:00 PM  
Blogger Dirty Filthy Princess said...

Ah, the longing in that post. I could almost taste it ... or touch it, maybe. Your husband needs to take you out for a night of wining and dining (not whining, ;-) and a night of motel sex. It's a start ...

Thursday, February 22, 2007 5:50:00 PM  
Blogger Confused Husband said...

"* a gift so unexpected and yet so perfect you keep pulling it out to admire it."

I *need* something along those lines myself. But to make it more suitable to me I need someone to appreciate a gift I give that much.

And you are very wonderful and kick ass! I know this because of your love for Mt. Dew and icing. :D
CH

Thursday, February 22, 2007 10:43:00 PM  
Blogger Summer Rose said...

Oh {{hugs}}, yes we all need a break from the daily life, of kids and work. And just take a weekend for the two of you. Yes it's true you are very wonderful and it shows in your writings.
S.R.

Thursday, February 22, 2007 11:10:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

let me just say you all rotate around me in this mystery blog world and you're all insanely cool. perhaps someone would say kick ass, and if someone did, i'd heartily agree.

nanette - i think you and i would totally be really great 'real life' friends, and i'd never ignore you when you wanted to unload your life's trials. and if you could braid my hair while sharing them with me, that would be great! (thank you...)

kelly - i think you'd be pretty cool to hang out with, too. perhaps you could convince me to try that squash soup...and then we could swap amongst all the books we want to read!

finished - thank you for this, and thank you for the other thing, too. you're a pretty stand-up dude...

taja - heh. turtle brownies. i'm on my second batch. bring something and we'll make it a potluck!

nocturnal - i should have asked. if the ouija is stamped with the "parker brothers games" logo, does that take some of the mystery out of it?! eh, i'd still try it with you. at least for grins...

desmond - i checked websters and a sub definition of "wonderful" is indeed "kickass." then it said "refer to 'a different kind of girl' and had my picture. were you all my neighbors, i think i'd dig you. unless you have a dog that craps in my yard, and then we'd politely have a talk. there is, should you be interested, a house for sale two doors down...

flutterby - i'm so glad you stopped through. your comment. wow! i love it. i actually think you captured everything i wanted to say in that brief but complete remark. i'm humbled. i'll be interested in seeing your list sometime.

april - the bra thing? sigh. it's a freaking mystery and there is a growing trail of abandoned bras in my wake as i continue the hunt. when i find it, you'll know immediately, because there will be a sonic boom-like squeal of delight originating in the midwest!

princess - a night of wining and dining would be a sure thing come the hotel part! now i'll definitely be looking for that mystery check in the mailbox to pay for that! who needs to pay for tires on the mini when there's a better plan in the works!

confused - the diet mt. dew and icing thing pretty much comes standard issue with the whole wonderfulness aspect of a person. that's a rule i'm making up and plan on following, anyway! thanks for the nice comment.

summer - a weekend away...heck, just a weekend evening with the kids at grandma's would be a nice little jumpstart. i'm doing what i can to work up toward it! thank you, too, for the very nice comment.

Thursday, February 22, 2007 11:43:00 PM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

There are things on the list I hope that you get from our friendship. I do know some of how you feel.
You are wonderful and beautiful and while you give so much I want you to take the freedom to take.

hugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg and let's talk soon.

Friday, February 23, 2007 5:46:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I just have to say that every time that home pregnancy test commercial comes on, I sit in awe. It's fascinating to me.

I'm totally looking for it in youtube right now...

Friday, February 23, 2007 2:57:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Sweet! I found it!

Go watch it right now! You know you want to!

Friday, February 23, 2007 3:00:00 PM  
Anonymous you da mom! said...

i totally just watched it.

Friday, February 23, 2007 6:02:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

ed - as you know, thank you.

ftn - you are pushing me over the edge, aren't you? those loose pebbles around my feet are falling. DO NOT make me click that!!

dang it. dang it. (look at me! all of a sudden i'm pure and innocent...huh...). you *knew* i'd click! you didn't need to taunt me. dang it and dang you!

you have entirely *too* much power over me. alas, this is a different commercial for a different brand of pregnancy test; however, i'm still just as disgusted by it. but oddly intrigued by the science fiction aspect of it. i wonder if that's cyclon pee? i'm leaving now before it seems like i have too much knowledge of all things sci-fi.

youdamom - please tell me you're creeped out by that commercial, too. say it's not just me. seriously? do we *need* to see something we all know has to happen for this to work?! we don't see tampon commericals acted out (thank goodness) and those ky warming personal lubricant commercials are pushing the edge for me, too (aside from the fact that the guy in that commercial is kinda creepy).

enough ranting. i must go shake the bad stuff out of my brain. thanks a lot, ftn. thanks a freakin' lot...

Friday, February 23, 2007 7:31:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Nocturnal sent me...wise man. He knew I'd like you instantly.

I think you're FAB just for writing this list. I need to make one similar.

Stacie

Saturday, February 24, 2007 5:42:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Fah! The info-trolls have blocked the preg-test website! Damn the info-trolls! And, I can't quite imagine how a KY commercial would go (not real sure I want to know. . .)

Molly is pretty mellow about bodily functions in my presence, but the one thing she makes me leave for is tampons (not that I'm inclined to argue with her over it, y'understand. . .)

In a somewhat different vein, I always wondered about the Cialis commercial that had the couple sitting in side-by-side bathtubs in the backyard, overlooking a scenic vista. I mean, who has side-by-side bathtubs in their backyard?

Monday, February 26, 2007 12:49:00 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Is it too late to tell you you're wonderful? Also, I suspect that you are stunning as well.

Damn, that was a good list...

Monday, February 26, 2007 4:49:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

stacie - so glad you stopped thru! if you jot down a list, trust i'll be passing by to read up on it!

desmond - under no circumstances should any more of us see that pregnancy test commercial. gag! the ky, though less "quasi graphic" still isn't much better. could be the lame acting, though! i've not seen the cialis commercial, though i'm pretty sure i'd dig a couple bathtubs in the backyard. aside from the creepy neighbors, that'd be ok!

emily - shower me in wonderful! you're so kind! and bonus for kicking in the stunning! my ponytailed, nightshirted, reading glassed self thanks you!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 12:23:00 AM  

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