you've had your fun and now it's time to go
dear flu,
goodness! what a busy little bugger you've been. i imagine finding the time to come down and read this blog entry when you're capriciously prancing through my house, waving your infested little wand around, might be difficult, so let me cut to the chase.
consider this note your immediate dismissal.
seriously.
no more waking me up in the middle of the night to strip children and bedding.
no more greeting me in the morning with the surprises left by my children who were so exhausted they didn't even realize the gift they were leaving for me.
no more wretched stomach pains that make it seem like giving birth to two children without the aid of medicine was the easiest thing i've ever done.
no more competing with my husband to stake a claim on which of us actually sicker than the other (though i still say the above mentioned stomach pains - and the stuff that comes along with them that i'm trying not to actually name - trumps anything short of loss of a limb and when he manages to lose an appendage via his hacking cough, only then will i consider relenting my germy crown).
no more standing among the infectious cloud of hacking people at walgreens as we mingle like zombies in the pharmacy aisle and ponder what over the counter remedy to ingest next.
it's been more than a week, flu. i've scrubbed down the house. i've laundered all i can. short of dipping my children in industrial plastics, i don't know what more i can do. have you considered the possibility of visiting my next door neighbors? a plague on their house, i say, so they must stay home and listen to their constantly barking dog all day, too.
ok. i know i'm being a bit shortsighted with all this, flu. you've not been all bad. you have, at least for the moment, restored my ability to sleep, and for that, i'll consider making a favorable recommendation on your behalf.
but truly, i do think it's time we both made other options.so consider this your pink slip.
a pretty pepto bismol shade of pink.
just don't touch anything on your way out. please. i can't take the smell of lysol much longer.
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 12:15 PM
8 Comments:
If I catch something by coming to your blog, you are in big trouble.
Flu told me he would visit your neighbor, but he's way scared of his hairy back.
So true, so true. I've only *today* caught up with all the laundry after a week of relay-barfing. 3 kids, age 7 and under, so that's a lot of sheets and blankets to add to the regular Mt. Washmore pile.
I love your blog. I read through the archive, and you are a terrific writer!
let us know if your firing of the flu was effective. You may have something there. In all seriousness, I do hope you and yours are all better soon. sounds like you have had more than your fair share of it.
Oh sweetie! I feel for you!
it tried to lay its pestilential grip upon me but to no avail... I may have had the flu this year but I am so freaking strong now that I didn't notice....
I dont get it! How is the enfamous Flu moon-lighting over there when he seems to be working OT here? Sheesh he sure does get around. Let's just say the barfing hasn't settled in, but the unmentionable part has..... Oh So Icky! Hope he leaves your home and doesnt try to collect severance pay. :)
ftn - the only thing you should be catching by coming around here are all the panties being tossed your way. btw, the house is still for sale and it's nearly spring. still time to consider seeing the ape neighbor mow...
millie - i'm envious of your ability to catch up with the laundry matters this brings about, and i only have two kids. sigh....
thank you for the nice comment on the writing. that's very kind of you!
finished - i swear to you, if this flu guy thinks he can get unemployment benefits, we're fighting him the entire way.
nanette - heh...we probably should have been taking our vitamins!
savage - flu was a fool to even *think* of penetrating your steely cage of muscle! that's silliness!
terry - ok, if it's possible, i'm jealous you don't have the vomiting. how lucky are you! ok, sure, trust me. i know the other stuff is not a great trade-off. sit the flu down, hand him a box, escort him out. it just may work!
Eww, nothing quite like having the flu go through a household. I hope you and yours are feeling better.
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