...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

happily ever after. or not. whatever.

sometimes, when my husband has just dozed off for the night, i'll poke him and put my ethereal face of love right in his and ask, "you love me, right? you're so glad you married me, right? you'd marry me again in a heartbeat, right?"

i know what you're thinking. you're thinking "geez, this chick's super insecure. someone should tell her to get a freakin' grip!"

ok, maybe you were actually thinking "yippee! i see this heading in the direction of more girly boner talk!" to which i think if you say "yippee" about anything, i totally want to hang out with you. moreso if you clap your hands like a gleeful child at the same time. we'd totally be bff.

but back to the point. i ask my husband these things not out of insecurity or silliness. well, ok, it's silliness. the man has just drifted off to sleep and i get a kick out of disturbing him. bless him that in all the time we've been together, he's always smiled and responded in the affirmitive (and sometimes gotten some girly boner action as a result).

but he's never asked me if i'd do it all over again - something i chalk up to the fact that he's not much of a talker. a journalistic nightmare, if you will. that or he's simply secure in the idea that without having to ask, he knows i would (minus the insanely awful rendition of "have i told you lately" that my friend sang at our ceremony). however, according to a new poll just released by woman's day magazine and aol, it appears i'm in the minority.


a survey of more than 3,000 married american women showed more than half wouldn't marry their current husbands again if given the opportunity. thirty six percent said "oh, hell no!" (sort of. i like to editorialize) and another twenty percent were apparently distracted and said they didn't know what they'd do. i don't know what i'm going to do for supper tonight or if i have enough money to pay the cable bill. the question of choosing the person i have wouldn't cause me to pause and ask for other options.

in addition to marriage issues, the survey, also questioned women about their stance on cheating and jealousy, flirting, marriage habits, and the all important matters of pop culture (which celeb do you think jennifer aniston should date next? you know. worldy matters. us girls gotta use these brains for something).

the survey goes on to show that 84 percent of married women would want someone to tell them if their husbands were cheating on them, and almost half of them suspect their husband of cheating or have caught them at it. however, more than 70 percent of these same women are keeping some kind of secret from their spouses. it's possible that these same women comprise the nearly 80 percent who fantasize about a man other than their husband (sure, i'll raise my hand here. hello? mike rowe? bono? anyone?). i've not necessarily kept my fondness for these purely unattainable men a secret from my husband, but there are things i'm sure i have. he's probably done the same to me. unfortunately, i have no testosterone-filled survey to let me know how men approach these issues.

i wish i did, though, because i'm curious to know their flirting habits. according to the woman's day/aol survey, 39 percent of women say they are "flirting constantly" with other men.

flirting constantly? ok. i'm a bit of a flirt. sometimes i'm a raging flirt. i flirt with the guys i work with, including the gay ones (obviously that's harmless). the kid working at starbucks in hopes he'll maybe drizzle a little bit of chocolate syrup on my whipped cream when i order a mocha frappachino (heh...that's not a double entendre, though it could be taken as such, and if you did take it like that, then i'm totally flirting with you now as i type this). i flirt with my male friends and perfect strangers. hell, i flirt with women. in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with harmless flirting. it happens in so many avenues of life, and i imagine it's safe to say purely innocent crushes abound. but the idea of "flirting constantly" wears me out just to think about it.

most importantly, i flirt with my husband. like silly high school kids. i'm constantly poking at him, sending him silly notes ("do you like me? check 'yes' or 'no'") and making up some silly name for him so he knows i dig him. he seems to like it (though maybe not that latest nickname...).

he also seems to like the fact that i'm among the 33 percent of women who more often than not opt to go to bed wearing nothing (for pure educational purposes, let me just say that i sleep so freakin' much better sans clothing. sex? sure. easy access. but not to be twisted up in the tshirt and shorts at 3 a.m. when i'm rolling over to spoon up on him is critical - because i'm not in the 30+ percentile who sleeps on the opposite end of the bed from their husband.

so now that i've educated you on women (oh yes, we think jennifer aniston should hook up with matthew "shirts are for sissies" mcconaughey next), i'm off to doff my clothes and spoon with that guy who lives here because i'm flirting with him so damn much.

what? you're upset because i didn't talk more about that whole 'girly boner' thing? heh. read between the lines. it's there.

(yeah, i just flirted with you again...)

15 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

You'll have to let us know if you get any hits from people searching for 'girly boner'

I'd do it all again, the marriage, yes--the kids, probably have to say no on that one, since you asked--what, you didn't ask? ;)

girly boner hehehehe

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 2:18:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

And flirting is fun too :D

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 4:38:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

I never flirt.......I am a good boy.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 7:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a terrible flirt. I flirt with both men and women. It's my way of showing affection. It's my way of saying "I like you." It's my way of being outgoing. It's harmless...to me, anyway. I'm sure it's been misinterpreted, especially by women.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 10:04:00 AM  
Blogger Tajalude said...

I'm a terrible flirt. In that I suck at it so I don't do it : )

The only way I can sleep naked is if we have the heated mattress pad and fleece sheets on the bed, in which case my husband is sweating like a criminal under interrogation and I want nothing to do with him, sort of defeats the purpose. Glad to hear it works out for someone. ; )

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 10:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Flirting (at least in person) is a lost art for me. used to do it all the time in high school and college but haven't for years. Now I am afraid that if I tried it it would not be notticed by the frlitee and well that would just be awkward.

As to sleeping naked, I have a fear of waking up and having to defend my family and household goods from some night intruder and doing so nude would not be my choice of uniform (on the other hand the sight of me naked might just be enough to frighten off almost any threat.)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 12:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow what a great post...I have very little doubt that MLBP would choose someone else...she says she wouldn't but I think she would.

I often say: "I'm glad you picked me." and her response is always the same:

"you picked me."

Very Autumnal, isn't it? Would it kill her to say, "I'm glad too."

Apparently so.

Nice job on the text messages.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 2:33:00 PM  
Blogger Useless Man said...

Ooooo.. I don't like those odds...

Glad I'm not a betting man. Or noticed my wife taking a survey.

Whew.. dodging a bullet there..

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 2:33:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Note the distinction between anonymous Internet flirting, and real-life, face-to-face flirting. If I talked to random strangers in real life like I do on the Internet, I'm sure my face would be red from getting slapped all the time.

What people consider flirting is so different. I'm not even sure if I flirt. Most of the girls I hang out with are married to my guy friends, and we are all hanging out together. Are some of those girls cute? Sure they are. But I'm not sure if full-scale flirting is appropriate in most circumstances. But I'm bigger than most of my guy friends, so perhaps I could intimidate them into submission.

Okay, that's pretty unlikely.

Anyway, I'm way out of flirting practice. Are you offering a class by any chance? Because when you wrote about Starbucks and whipped cream and drizzled chocolate syrup, I could have sworn you were speaking right to me.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 3:40:00 PM  
Blogger Nocturnal said...

You can always peg the ones who are good at flirting, that's for sure. And it's too cool reading how you flirt with your hubbie.

Cheers

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 11:50:00 PM  
Blogger you da mom! said...

i'd do it all over again, but i would do it differently, for sure. sometimes i think about how fun it would be to go back, but with the knowledge i have now...and just play everything soooo right! not that my husband wasn't wrapped around my little finger from the second we met (hehe), but wouldn't it be fun to travel back in time with all the new info you have...knowing what you know about the other person, and just work the hell out of them??!?! or, am i crazy? did that even make any sense??

Thursday, January 11, 2007 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger Cherrie said...

That was a fun, informative post. If people are honest with themselves, they will admit they are attracted to other people all the time. If people are secure in their relationships, that shouldn't bother anyone. If they are not secure and happy, maybe they need new relationships!

Thursday, January 11, 2007 7:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd do it all over again -- I totally scored with my partner-for-life. And he's fully aware of my raging crush on Alton Brown -- if it bothers him, he does a good job of hiding it! Of course, I think it might be different if my raging crush were on, say, the guy who lives downstairs, or the UPS man, or the appliance repairman...

Thursday, January 11, 2007 8:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Cat said...

I am a terrible flirt, most of the time I don't even realize I am doing it. I had a jealous hubby so my nature to flirt was a HUGE problem. I don't see flirting as a big deal. I think it is fun to let others know they are worth the trouble of an extra look, where is the harm?

Thursday, January 11, 2007 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

nanette - as luck would have it, the very next day, i was visited by someone who had searched 'girly boner,' so really, all is well in my world! that or i'm simply creeped out and numbed by the reality. but not likely. the kid thing again? very interesting idea. when they're both in school, sure, i'd do it again. by sunday afternoon, when we're not even out of the driveway enroute to church and already there's yelling and veiled promises of pain, not so much. but mostly yes. sure. whatever...

savage - i can work up a good sweat with the flirting. cardio. good for the heart...

ed - i trust you're on par with choirboy, no?!

biscuit - i didn't realize how flirty i had become with women until recently. i'm also a big "toucher," and am always afraid that's going to creep people out. of course, i steer clear of "creepy touching," but i'm sure many people have personal space issues. however, flirty away in this direction whenever you feel inclined!

taja - i'm not sure my flirting is prime quality. i'm sure that the looks of desperate need i've hoped to garner in people have actually been sad looks of pity. persevere! the naked sleeping thing requires training, as well! ease into it!

finished - i have the fear of a fire or tornado or something pulling me out of such a slumber and having to explain why i only have on one slipper and perhaps an ill-grabbed pair of boy's underwear. note to self to grab blankets off bed enroute to escape...oh, and i play dead when i hear what could be intruders because i believe they'll leave me alone that way. yeah. it's been working for me so far.

lbp - couldn't that response be construed as 'hey! i think it's great you thought i was worthy enough to pick!' maybe? kinda? we're tough to read sometimes, us women. downright bizarre.

useless - i only take these types of surveys in hopes of winning fabulous prizes and bountiful cash rewards. my luck would explain the used mini in the garage and the old clothes, but eh, whatcha gonna do?

ftn - i think that it's a fair assumption to say the sexes are much more flirty when the veil of the internet is between them. realizing it's a veil that stays in place is key, of course. when the restraining orders get threatened is when a whole new level has been breached. and yes, do be sure to sign up for classes. you don't want to miss the second session, where i go over in great detail the proper way to tilt your head and gaze up through hooded eyes at service staff and random strangers who pique your interest. lots of interesting homework.

nocturnal - thanks for your visit! i just watched the clip of you drumming. if i could get my husband a hobby like that, i'd be flirting all over him. maybe i'm flirting just a little bit when i again say how much i love your site...

youdamom! - i would *totally* love the opportunity for 'rewinds'!! how kick ass would that be?! sigh...it would have enabled me to convince my husband to get rid of that sad, sad mustache attempt much sooner...among other things...i'm so understanding you!

cherrie - i think it's a core of our human nature to be attracted to other people, not just the ones we have chosen (and that's the key right there) to spend our lives with. i think it would be utterly boring if we couldn't interact with another person in a flattering, flirty way within the bounds you've set for yourself.

kelly - ah...alton...excuse me a moment while i ponder mr. brown....ok....i'm voting with you, too. however, the fedex guy who i just let into my garage (and no, that's not a flirty entendre. ha!) was kinda cute...

cat - i'm like you. many times i don't even realize i'm flirty with someone until i step back and look at the situation. but i don't think i step so far into it that i'm doing something awful by showing my interest or fondness for someone. and as as aside, i suppose there's an interest in knowing, at least on some level, that you are appreciated by someone you're not spending your life with.

Thursday, January 11, 2007 12:24:00 PM  

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