...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

but secretly you'd love to know what it's like for a girl

tuesday night at the bookstore, i'm perched on the floor in the health and beauty section, scanning titles and shelving (fyi to all you bookstore shoppers out there - should you decide you really don't want that book on fetishes, please just put it at the customer service counter rather than stuff it recklessly in other areas. we won't judge you. a few of us will simply blog anonymously about you later, but we'll never judge). after about 45 minutes at this task, i have to admit i was taken aback by the number of different books out there to help women look and feel their best. glamour does and don'ts. instyle guides. don't go to the beauty counter without me. what to wear. what not to wear. pluck this. wax that. it was endless.

cripes, even my latest acquisitions on stripping came with detailed instructions (with pictures!) on how to create and maintain a 'landing strip.' (yeah...i so love that slang). one book even provides templates to create "the prettiest kitty."

it's a lot of work to be a girl. haircuts and colors. styling. manis and pedis. shaving this, that and the other. lotions and potions. we may say it's just for us. that it makes us feel better.

it's so not just for us. please!

but back to the books. nowhere among the stacks was a book to help men wanting to look their best, feel their freshest (actually, do men even care to feel their freshest? is that just my personal dream for them?). sure, i know there are magazines out there that guide them in the latest fashions and may offer consumer reviews on grooming products and whatnot. but for the most part, do men take this stuff seriously?

my experience with men has been a resounding "no!" kudos to those of you who do, btw. i find what you accomplish with a razor to be delicious. i appreciate it when you take that extra step, yet still don't go so far with it that you're plummeting into girly territory. i know it can be tempting sometimes, but there's little need for you to go to the m.a.c. counter the next time you're at the mall, as far as i'm concerned.

but i do like a little concern, and the men in my life - past and present tense - really don't seem to think it's important. i once dated a man who, when he came to my apartment to spend the weekend, came 'as is.' never had an overnight bag stocked with a change of underwear or a clean shirt. toothbrush? how sissy! a razor? ha! i'd told him i liked him rugged. two days minus shaving helps that look along.

now granted, most of our weekends were spent sans clothing and yes, there was showering involved. sometimes two or three a day. but the man brought only the clothes on his back for a 48 hour excursion.

now that's s-e-x-y! obviously, it had to have been love that was blinding me (or impeding my sense of smell).

i often encourage my husband to take up the cause of male grooming. "it'll be like one of those 'magic eye' puzzles," i tell him, tossing in a wink to let him know that optical inch only means good things ahead for him. he simply rolls his eyes (under brows that could stand a minor tweezing) and returns his gaze to whatever is on the sci-fi channel at the moment.

he did trim up for me once while we were dating. surprised me with a full-on self-barbering. let's just say there's sexy and then there's creepy. it was creepy. i'm not convinced i'm a 'natural' kinda girl.

i preach sunscreen and moisturizers, eye creams and balms. i ushered him into a new decade with an up-to-date hairstyle and coaxed him into believing it was ok to use hair products. we can say "hair wax" without feeling silly.

i want to wax his back, pop his "bacne," clip at skin tags, exfoliate his feet and scrub his face each night before coming to bed (this, however, does not happen despite my insistence that, although he doesn't eat cheese, i swear to god his face smells of aged gouda). i've been known to take a sick delight in searching his body for errant hairs and wayward flakes of things (yes, i know. it's gross. but admit it. you've done it with your partners, too).

i'm not high maintenance, and he's not a troll, but come on. let's call it tit for tat. i try to look nice for him. a little reciprocity can only be rewarded.

and if he got good at it, then naturally, i could write the book on it.

14 Comments:

Blogger Edtime Stories said...

I like to stay groomed, shaved...etc.

"bacne" eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Wednesday, December 13, 2006 6:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I do exfoliate and go on the search for errant hairs and all sorts of things like that. Anytime that I can have my hands on him is good, bonding, monkey-grooming time.

But the waxing? I only got ONE strip off before he threatened divorce if I ever tried it again. LOL!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006 7:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, as for your former guy not packing underwear or a toothbrush for the weekend, Yuck!!!! (what were you thinking letting him get away with that?) The though of my shaky hand and a razor being anywhere near where i think you were implying thy should be is way too scary for me. I did take a few minutes though a couple nights ago to pluck a few stray eyebrows (though I maintained my lustrous unibrow. I wouldn't be me with out it.)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006 11:16:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

If a girl came near me with wax I'd slap her like a pimp.

Not really. But I'd at least scream like a little girl and run in the opposite direction.

Granted, if my wife actually *wanted* me to do some serious all-around metrosexual grooming, I probably would. But really, I look so good as-is, how can I improve upon it anyway? :-)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006 2:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fortunately Hardin and I are pretty much of one mind regarding his grooming. I want him neat. I want his body hair under control. I want oral sex from a smooth-shaven, silky-feeling lover, not a human Brillo pad. So he shaves--his face, his balls, his ass, his upper thighs--places I like to kiss. I shave my pussy, my legs, my underarms. We shower. We change our clothes. We change our sheets.

We make sweet, clean, dirty love.

Life is good.

Thursday, December 14, 2006 12:03:00 AM  
Blogger JUnderCovers said...

Ironically, as I read this, I'm plucking at stray eyebrow nubs (it's my substitute for nail-biting, my other OCD habit). I was rather surprised at the number of "body groomer" appliances for men at Target the other day when I was shopping for a new beard trimmer. I guess it's become acceptable. But I still prefer stealing one of my wife's Intuition razors for shaving down below--good lubrication, no nicks or cuts, nothing but nice smooth skin.

As for her grooming me, she periodically pins me down in order to tweeze the brows that I've missed, and occasionally there's an ugly period of her squeezing out my blackheads. It's love I suppose.

Thursday, December 14, 2006 7:18:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Hilarious!!!

I prefer the creepy....I don't like to get hairs in my mouth...and, I think I married the ultimate metrosexual....he takes longer to groom than I ever thought about--we are always late, waiting for him to get his hair just right.....hmmmm....maybe he is gay ;)

Thursday, December 14, 2006 8:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm. . . Maybe we're just aging hippies, but Molly and I are way into the 'natural look'. I looooove body hair. I've worn a full beard since college (not so prickly as a two-day stubble, you gotta admit). I'm far from the hairiest guy you've ever seen, but probably hairier than average. Molly stopped shaving her legs after we got married (except when visiting my parents; there are limits); I've sort of teasingly cajoled her to go 'Euro-style' with her armpits, but she never would - until about a month ago. Very sexy, to my eyes, tho I understand that my view wouldn't be widely shared.

And pubic hair - I love pubic hair - thick and dense, peeking out of her swimsuit, even creeping down onto her thighs. Mmmmmmm.

But, enough about me. You can all go "eeewww" and return to the discussion you were having when I got here. . .

Thursday, December 14, 2006 9:54:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

eeewww.

Thursday, December 14, 2006 2:24:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

just a side note - those of you with beta, aching to hear my words? impossible. i've tried like a 16 year old boy trying to have a go at his first girlfriend to leave you comments and it's just not going in. denied, denied, no - not there, denied. can't seem to track email addies down for some of you, either!

ed - have you considered writing a book? obviously, i can make room on the shelves to squeeze in some handy tome!

satan - ah! waxing my husband is something i can only dream about. it's sometimes a distraction. is he some hairy beast? nope, but some things just need tidied up. here's to pinning them down!

finished - what was i thinking? who can think when all feasible brain cells are consumed with passion and love and figuring out ways to get in the shower again?

ftn - looking good takes work, my friend. but you're right. when you do look as good as you (i imagine, of course, in dreams where you're playing guitar and i'm reaching into crates of panties to toss at you) doing anymore is really just showing off! when i write this male grooming book, i will be contacting you about a 'ftn' chapter.

cherrie - i totally think you and hardin are rock stars!

j - based on displays you've had on your site, you're probably what i'm going to use as reference as i work my way toward getting my husband to fully embrace this power. from the kick ass glasses down, you seem to have things in control. seriously...consider the creation of a brochure. at least until i write this book that will also include a 'j' chapter upon your approval!

nanette - the whole hair thing? *completely* why i am advocating for this male grooming matter to be enforced! and i think i've seen pix of your husband on your flickr...um, he does have some excellent taste in shoes!

desmond - though i'm just starting to discover you, i'm gonna say this doesn't seem out of line with what i'd expect to hear from you! while i was reading your comment, though, i seemed to hear the baseline of some 70s-era porn in my head. you're totally a rock star to me, too. but ok, i'm gonna also echo ftn, just a bit, and say i'm not sure i could totally go there!

Thursday, December 14, 2006 4:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I just want a man to be basically clean. I've dated men who've exfoliated this and clipped that and they were always narcissists and had one or two emotional problems. Not that I think girls should spend too much on this in type of thing either.

Thursday, December 14, 2006 7:10:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

ooh...I'm totally having the same damn problem with all of the beta bloggers.....I can't even post anonymously....ugh

Friday, December 15, 2006 1:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The beta thing was a problem before and it was taken care of but apparently it is acting up again. Maybe you should make the switch. I was reluctant but I actually like it better.

Friday, December 15, 2006 9:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww, what do you know from '70s-era porn? Just because I was in college in the '70s. . .

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 9:50:00 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home