if this were on the island of misfit toys...
as luck would have it, while i was busy this afternoon doing some christmas browsing online to treat myself, i made a detour to my site counter and discovered santa's elves have been looking out for me.
my "oh so innocent" site was uncovered in a yahoo search for "what kind of christmas gift for a girl you want to sleep with." (what's up, seattle? isn't it interesting that right under me came the find "when you give a gift to one of god's children, it's like giving a gift to god"?).
unsure if this very considerate (or, let's be honest, self-focused) consumer found what they were looking for when they stumbled upon me, i'm going to show you exactly what it was i'd found about the time i learned there's still a chance i'm on the "good girl" list. it's my belief that this or something like it (i have other options. if you're interested in helping chip in, let me know...) would raise my christmas spirit considerably:
yes, a santa claus vibrator, complete with a jaunty red stocking cap and an eyebrow arched up just enough to actually make me think he does know when i'm awake (and what it is i'm doing when i'm up. i'm totally screwed if he actually knows if i've been bad or good). i quite love the seasonal approach to personal aids. if they had one for st. patrick's day, i'd be all over it. hell, i might consider decorating the house with them. a shadow box filled with holiday vibrators. how kick ass as well as uniquely festive.
of course, in my quest for the perfect vibrator (and yes, it's becoming a quest. if i discover the actual holy grail first, i'll be pissed!) would this be the choice i'd make. probably not. the dolphin and the bullets? true workhorses. reliable members of the infantry. but they need a rest. this is why my quest continues. santa looks a little too stiff here. i need a little wiggling like a bowl full of jelly.
and, because i can buy into that whole idea of when you give a gift to one of god's children, it's like giving a gift to god himself, you can be assured i'd be addressing god quite a bit with my thanks should someone have a good recommendation for me.