there is no 'i' in 'team'

if you've been reading me for a few months or even few hours, you may know by now that i associate with some diverse characters. i hate to use this made-up term for my girlfriends, but i think "semi-prudish" may be accurate. one of my best friends can't say the word "penis" and another freaks when she discovers i got naked for my first massage experience. so i thought it was entirely accurate.

but after a weekend with my girlfriends, i've concluded that i may have to rethink that whole "semi-prudish" description.

let me set the scene for you - saturday night in a nondescript, none too classy suburban metro hotel. three girls and several empty wine cooler bottles (don't ask. it wasn't my choice!) are all now prone around the room. talk, as it's wont to do, turns to sex (i told you. we can't get together without someone bringing it up). we've dissected the topic of simultaneous orgasms and faked orgasms (guess which one happens more than the other...). the tally of who initiates sex more often is winding down when suddenly, "ms. ach! you got naked!" bursts forth with the following:

"you know, don't you, that when we were in college, she and i had a threesome with him, right?"

were we conducting a train, you would have heard it coming to a screeching halt on the tracks to avoid hitting the giant thought bubble screaming "tell us more!" that was stalled there.

(to fill in the mad libs here, "she" is one of our other best girlfriends not in attendance last weekend and "he" is the then-boyfriend and soon to be ex-husband of the girl who dropped this potential penthouse nugget on us).

"well, i probably should say we had a threesome, but we weren't all doing stuff with each other at the same time," my forthcoming friend added quickly.

"um...wait a minute right there," i countered. "i'm not skilled in the friendly art of threesomes, but at what point does it cease becoming a threesome if you're not all dipping into the punch bowl at the same time?"

seriously. think about it. a team relies on each player to be successful on the court or the field. a quartet isn't a quartet if the bass player decides he's going to hang around and look at the cute chicks crowding the stage while the other three band members pick up the slack. can this experience my friend had while in college truly be classified a threesome?

because i love to dissect an experience with my friends with those of our group who can't be in attendance, i immediately called our token guy friend sunday afternoon when the girls disbanded to relay this information to him. after we did our customary "can you imagine?" and "who do you think brought it up in the first place?" dissection, this dear man concluded the following:

"honey, i wouldn't even have called this a threesome. this sounds like a classic case of voyeurism!"

"well, then," i teased. "wait until i tell you what she and 'not as prudish as she painted herself to be, voyeurism is fun' friend did together when it was just the two of them..."