the girl's a super freak

so it's monday and i'm coming down from a lazy attitude this past weekend (the good? caught up with jack bauer and affirmed my support for what he's doing to protect the world from terrorists. the bad? the grocery store and laundry). because i'm allowing the lazy to ooze out a bit longer, i'm going to attempt to tackle this tag from youdamom!, who asked me to list ten weird facts about myself. these will either charm you so much you'll instantly fall in love with me, or prompt you to think "that poor, poor girl..."

-- when i talk to myself i tend to do so in my head. in a dramatic scottish accent. often to another "character" designed to bounce my thoughts off of or to talk me down. with outwardly displayed hand gestures that perhaps scare off the people around me who wonder why i'm moving my limbs. the scottish accent thing? i think i just do that because i'd like to get up on the guy who plays desmond on "lost".

-- i have well over a 1,500 songs on my ipod. a handful of them are for my kids. however, when i'm in the mini by myself and one of their songs comes up on the shuffle, i don't fast forward it. because you can kick ass to the naked mole rap from "kim possible" on a drive home from work some late friday night. i'm just saying. and i'm not above cranking the volume on the hamster dance.

-- like prince, i've never seen a pretty girl look so tough. when i hear this song, i only sing along to the prince part. this may or may not be because i have a snarky little thing about sheena easton. so color me peach and black.

-- i cannot roll my tongue, whistle for crap and look like i got poked in the eye with a large stick when trying to wink. attempting all three at the same time looks like a medical condition one would be unable to recover from. it could also be a good means of fending off attackers.

-- i have a friend who, when he calls, induces a pavlovian response in me. as soon as his telephone number flashes on the caller idea, i run to the bathroom because i know the moment he says hello to me, i'll be laughing hysterically and the potential to wet myself would be far too embarrassing. sometimes our calls are 20 minutes of breathless laughter and then we say our goodbyes.

-- when stopped at a stoplight, i like to think myself a bad ass ready to challenge the poor soul waiting in their vehicle next to mine. i'll crack the passenger side window a bit and give a little glance over my huge sunglasses at the unsuspecting victim. maybe give them a little nod that says "just you wait, baby..." because nothing screams bad ass like a frazzled looking suburban mom, thrashing to "the naked mole rap," guzzling her third diet mountain dew out of a 44 ounce kum & go cup, chauffeuring the kids in a used dodge minivan that must get passed out to everyone who has ever considered having a child.

-- when i read magazines, i scour them cover to cover and pick out the one article i most want to read, then read around it, saving the favored article (usually about a person or persons i'm fond of - i.e. u2) for last. that's not so much weird as just really kind of stupid.

-- when i cook, i find myself pretending i'm the host of a food television program. i'll address some imaginery television camera or studio audience who are hanging on my every word as i'm preparing some delicacy. which usually comes out of a box and only requires water and an egg.

-- speaking of food, i've shared my quirky eating habits before. but i failed to mention then how i tackle a piece of cake. i place the slice of a layer cake on a plate and then eat all the cake portion out from the frosting portion, saving that delicious tidbit for last. cake simply gets in the way of the frosting. as i get older, i may skip the whole birthday cake thing and just stick candles into a tub of frosting.

-- i know the lyrics to every song ever released (and some not released) by the monkees. let's just say that one summer in my ill-advised youth, i had no truly productive hobbies.

there it is. obviously, from reading this, the only thing that can be deduced is i have a thing for music and people who don't actually exist anywhere but in my mind. and a potential bladder control problem no doubt impacted by the 132 ounces of diet mountain dew i sometimes take in in a given day.

ah, but you fell madly in love with me, right?! or is that, too, just all in my mind...