...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

things I've been pondering until less veiled posts appear

  • You think those two, lesser known members of Poison are all "Whoo! Thank God our lives are perfect here in the shadows!" when they tune into Rock of Love with Bret Michaels every Sunday night on VI1? Rikki Rockett, I suggest you keep your nose clean, mister. Bobby Dall? Couldn't hurt you, either, to follow Rikki's lead. Oh, I'm sure you want action tonight, satisfaction, alright. But just take a look at those female impersonators on Bret's show, then think again.

  • However, trust me, if Rikki or Bobby (or, for that matter, Ronny, Bobby, Ricky and Mike - cool it now!) had their own veiled reality show on television right now, I'd be watching it. You ever think about me on Sundays? You do? Sigh. That is so hot! Tell me what I'm doing when you think of me. Yeah? Oh, you know I do that! But when I'm done doing that, I'm on the couch, remote in hand, blasting through the above mentioned Rock of Love, Scott Baio is 45 and Single and then The Two Coreys and Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. Oh, I know they are lame, and I was never a Scott Baio or Gene Simmons fan, but seriously! I am a fish. Just reel me in. I judge myself harshly enough. Please don't feel it necessary to then add to my shame. Unless you think of me doing unspeakable things while doing so. But then, really, if that's the case, eww! Unless it's you. You would be ok, dammit.
  • When I'm in the kitchen, I'm dangerous. Like Maverick in Top Gun, baby! "You're a real cowboy," I'll say to myself. Then I'm all "What's your problem, Girl?" Seeing how I'm gonna play, I then fire back, "You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up in the kitchen, you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous." Oh, game on, other me! Game on! So I'll get in my face a bit and yell, "That's right! Girl...girl. I am dangerous" I am this way after dumping a half cup of molton hot melted brown sugar and butter on my palm dumping monkey bread out of its baking mold last week. Nothing fun about melted sugar on your hand. Like that's not gonna stick. This kitchen trauma follows on the heels of the great "Brownie Frosting Massacre of June 2007" as evidenced in the accompanying photo. Frosting is an evil bitch sometimes. Holds a grudge when you just want to eat it straight from the can and not slather it all over baked goods. Consider this my warning to you.

  • I think I might be a comma whore. I figure this beats some of the alternatives out there for me.

  • How can you be one thing one week and something so utterly different the next?

  • The new store manager? BORING. BORING. BORING. Doesn't talk. I hope my ex work hubs is suffering. I am. I miss double entendre. I miss hanging out. This having to actually work to earn my slightly higher than minimum wage pay is not what I signed on for!

  • "Irony" - a one-act play staring me and my children, staged every day around 2 p.m. central time. House lights go up on a me in my bedroom. Noises abound as the sound of doors opening and closing release a haunting cacophony of agony. I sigh, then hunch my shoulders together and draws in a great, resounding gulp of air. Then - scene: Yelling from upstairs in my bedroom to my boys in the lower level of the house to please stop slamming doors. Except I may not have said please. And they can't hear me yelling, what with all the slamming.



Blogger Nanette said...

Turn and burn ice girl!

Now onto serious matters! Gene Simmons family jewels--totally cheesily staged this year! Last season it seemed genuine. Or, is it just me.

Down the basement, lock the cellar door and baby, talk dirty to me! I may have owned that on cassette. I had a few hair bands on my tape deck, ha.


Thursday, August 16, 2007 3:11:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

"How can you be one thing one week and something so utterly different the next?"

You just summed up my entire life in that one sentence.

Those brownies looked painful...well...the massacre that ensued anyway...I have a few pix like that myself...I shouldn't really be around knives at all. I have a healthy fear of them...well..them and my impulses...


Thursday, August 16, 2007 3:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are a comma whore then I have definitely sold my virtue to the ever seductive parenthesis (I just can't help myself)

hkvmwwcd (Oh baby, the earth just moved)

Thursday, August 16, 2007 4:24:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I still lust you

Thursday, August 16, 2007 5:12:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

I hate to admit it but come Sunday night I'm all in my room with a bowl of popcorn throwing pieces at those skank whores Brett is hookin' up with. I mean...really. What's up with that chick from Russia or wherever she's from? She scares me when she talks so much so that I damn near toss my bowl in the air. Who knew Scott was such a whore? I didn't know he hooked up with all those women...but I always loved Chachi. Lovved me some Chachi.

When you were talking about your fight in the kitchen with your other self I was really scared for you. I thought maybe she cut you...maybe she did. Maybe you've just blocked it out. Ya think? She sounds tough.

Thursday, August 16, 2007 5:40:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - Take me to bed, or lose me forever!

Well, wait. Oh. Hmmm. Well, something like that. Though we probably *should* go to bed sometime. Nothing else going on!

Oh, and one more thing. You know I never I never seen you look so good. You never act the way you should. But I like it. And I know you like it too. The way that I want you. I gotta have you.
Oh yes, I do.

Cassette AND album, sweets! I shall never foresake you for anotha! \m/

Stacie - It's an interesting and yet confounding trait sometimes. I know I probably do it, too!

The brownie frosting massacre is actually the result of me opening the lid on the frosting. Sliced me deep. I love how the second thought I had was "hey! take a picture of this!" as I bled all over. I mean, who doesn't love a little blood?!

FL - I, too, have an ongoing passionate love with the paranthesis. Likes to get all up on me all the time. I'm like, "Paranthesis, you have to share me! I am but one woman, and that comma over there has been giving me the 'Go' sign all day..."

I have found that if you tell them you need a little space, they'll be waiting for you when you come back. And commas? They are INSANE!

Savage - GOOD! Good to know things are still right with the world!

kimmyk - The 'hewhore' phenom is truly one I'm thinking takes place more than I ever before realized. And that Chachi sure did hewore himeself around! I especially love how, after Joanie, his conquests were all so similar! And Bret...Bret, Bret, Bret. I can't even guess which of those scary gurls he's gonna end up with for the sake of the show. Or which one will get their own VH1 show when it's all done. If he took that hat off, I quite think Bret would look more feminine than any of the chicks there.

The other me, btw, is bad ass. Beware if you get her drinking or trying to make a layer cake.

Friday, August 17, 2007 9:52:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

That brownie picture looks like something out of an 80s slasher flick. You need some steel gloves or something. Or duller knives.

I'm ashamed to say I'm fascinated by the Scott Baio show. I'm pretty sure I, also, need to get a life coach to stave off the constant sex I'm having with a long string of supermodels.

Friday, August 17, 2007 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

FTN - The tagline in my kitchen is "there back, they're baked, and there here to bust your ass."

And now? Now I will *totally* be thinking of you on Sundays when Scott's show is on. Well, more than I already do think of you. Plus, that show is aired all the freakin' time, so...

I find the supermodels want to have a lot of sex with me, too, so maybe we could go half-sees on that life coach thing?

Friday, August 17, 2007 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

and of course, the tagline is spelled incorrectly, because I like to get irritated by that kind of thing after the fact...

Friday, August 17, 2007 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

i mean, why do kids think they *need* your attention, anyway?! and calling me a mommyblogger...ha!

Friday, August 17, 2007 10:25:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Wait. . . that's blood on your hand? I thought it was just a really messy frosting job, with frosting smeared all over everything.

So, yeah. . . "Hey, I gotta take a picture of this!" seems a little, I dunno, odd. . .


Friday, August 17, 2007 3:36:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Desmond - There's no such thing as a messy frosting job in my kitchen! It's just hoping there's enough frosting left after I've dipped in and indulged a bit!

In the end, however, I'm a bit o' an odd girl!

Monday, August 20, 2007 12:26:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home