...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

finding it between the covers...

Stunning bookseller (aka me): "Hi! Is there anything I can help you find tonight?"

Grouchy, grumpy lady (aka SUPER grouchy lady): "I think it's called 'Just Do It'. It's about sex. Do you have that?" (heavy sigh)

SB: "Let me just look on the computer. Oh, here we go! 'Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off The TV And Turned On Their Sex Lives For 101 Days'. Is that the book you're wanting?"

GGL: "Yeah (deep sigh). Do you have it?"

SB: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but it appears we don't have it in stock at this time. However, the other store may have it available, or, if you'd like, I could order it for you."

GGL: "What do you you mean you don't have it in stock!! It came out today, didn't it?!"

SB: "Indeed it did, ma'am. Unfortunately, we sometimes don't receive all lesser known titles immediately upon release..."

GGL (interrupting): "Listen, it was on the TODAY show today. You guys should really think about gettin' some!!"

SB (smiling agreeably, thinking "As should you, ma'am. I already did, and I didn't need a book to get it. In fact, I'm thinkin' I'm gonna get some more later..."): "That's the ultimate goal, isn't it, ma'am? I'll be sure to short list it."



Blogger Michael said...

If she's not getting any, you can't really blame her for being grumpy now can you? ;-)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 1:21:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

It is inconceivable to me that someone else is up as late as I am stalking your blog.


You ought to have suggested the penis-shaped book to her. "Ma'am. Here. It's called a vibrator. It just came out today; see what you can to about that."

Wow. I'm a little filthy this late at night.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 1:38:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Hmmmm. I don't think I want to stop at 101 days though. Did this couple have to turn the TV back on at day 102? Did all satisfaction come to a halt then?

Sigh, guess I'll have to buy the book and see how it turned out.

Let me know when you get some, will ya?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 7:06:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart said...

you should have told her to take the TV out of her bedroom, put on some pretty underwear, and welcome her husband home wearing one of his button up shirts...

Maybe then she would not need a book and probably would not be so grumpy.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 7:28:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Poor Super Grouchy Lady. The remote control is stiff competition.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 7:48:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Stiff competition. Heh heh.

If it was on the TODAY show, you guys should OBVIOUSLY have it. Don't you make the purchasing decisions for your store?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO @ Biscuit.

It's all about the TODAY Show.

Glad I'm not needing a book yet to "get some."

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 9:07:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Hey, I've seen that book! And another one like it, called '365 Nights', where the couple went every day for a year. Which, frankly, I'm a little bit in awe of. The longest streak we've had has been on the order of 10 days. At some point, you just gotta 'let the protein build back up', as Molly is wont to say. . .

And, wow - "That's the ultimate goal, isn't it, ma'am?"

I absolutely tip my hat to you on that one. . .

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

The flaw I see this book is the suggestion that the TV is less interesting than your spouse of partner.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Wow, she sounds like my husband after 2 days of not getting any! lol

I need to get in the game man!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

And jeez, with all the grouchy, grumpy, heavy, deep sighing, it kinda makes you wonder what's up, doesn't it? I mean, just the title of the book sorta begs for just a little bit of enthusiasm, doesn't it?

Or did her husband send her to get it, maybe, and she's all, "Oh, great, now the big doofus is never gonna leave me alone. . ."

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 12:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In such a panic, did she need that much printed help?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 1:36:00 PM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

You are the greatest!

"That's the ultimate goal, isn't it, ma'am?"

I bow to your greatness!!

My guess is that she was covering her embarrasment at buying a sex book with grumpiness, although I suppose it could be the obvious reason.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 2:52:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Hilarious! Nicely done, Stunning Bookseller.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 4:56:00 PM  
Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

Had I known I needed a book to get some I would have skipped the nagging, demanding, bitching, always needy - oh wait, that isnt Jim, thats me... If he knew all he needed was a book he would have... oh, you know!

Love it Stunning! You should change the name of your blog to "Stunning Bookseller writes novel on how Grumpy Grouchy Ladies can get laid in less than 101 days".

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 5:15:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

You are awesome - and she probably didn't even get it! At least it's clear as to why she is a SUPER grumpy lady.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 5:44:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

101 days? are you fucking kidding?
christ don't let that shit get out around these parts. my god.

i'm never going to the bookstore again.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 6:05:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

the ONLY thing that would make that story better would be if your customer was named Thongamouth Banditvong. I seriously spoke to a woman named that yesterday. Thank God for the mute button; I believe my intermittent bursts of hysteria were quite concealed as I maintained my professional Bank demeanor while calling everyone within a six desk radius over to my cubicle just to watch THEIR jaws drop in disbelief.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 7:59:00 PM  
Blogger Manager Mom said...

I think my husband probably bought her only copy. He emailed me the second he read about the book. And followed up with daily reminders for a week...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 8:14:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

What about peanut butter and raisins on panty liners?????

Hallie :)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 8:33:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

OMG I hate mean people. And people who get their book list from the TODAY show. Or Oprah.

But yeah, I want to know why only 101 days? What about For Ever??

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 9:28:00 PM  
Blogger Bee's Dark Side said...

Ha! I read about this book on someone's blog somewhere.

The sighers annoy me. I want to put a cork in there mouth but then I fear where that air will eventually come out of...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 10:12:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Michael - I was hoping if she got my sympathetic joke, she'd at least smile somehow. Alas, I didn't get lucky.

BP Dad - It's cute the way you think you're the only one lurking around my place, peeking in the window, doing stuff I can't see just under the window sill. And look at you, all filthy. I shouldn't say that before I read your comment this morning, I was vibrator shopping online. Look who's filthy now that a new day has dawned in the Midwest!

Sailor - I think this book is classified as one of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. A new ending depending on which page you choose! Woo hoo!

Bogart - It's a method that's never failed me. You should publish that. Really short, but really effective, book!

Biscuit - I almost shudder to think if she's glanced over at the stiff remote a time or two and thought "hmmm..."

ftn - We only stock Oprah books, then we open the farm gates and watch the sheep file in. Oprah must not ever have sex, I guess!

Real Live Lesbian - I just like to look at the books for the pictures, but I'd rather be distracted away from the reading!

Des - Tool Man and I have a very small sex book library. You tend to stop buying them when you have to buy them from a coworker. Anyway, we long ago decided you learn better by doing, and that's where I tip my hat!

Meg - Some of my best "man dreams" have come as a result of a "Dirty Jobs" marathon, I gotta admit!

Choppzs - Cliff Notes version: No TV. Cuddle. Have Sex. The End. Woo HOO!

Des - There seems to have been a wealth of irritations behind her grouchiness!

Kate - No kidding, right? If it was that necessary to get some, who's going to stop and thumb through a book?! Thanks for your visit and comment!

Melody - Ha! Thank you. She must have just wanted to get herself some, because she didn't pull the usual "Here's some random book and a magazine I'll put on top of the sex book" technique!

Kelly - Thank you!

Lori - I could perhaps start an entire side blog dedicated to getting people laid. However, I think I should be getting too much, thus making it hard to dedicate time to such a blog!

Mandy - If she really did go home last night and get herself some, I am going to come home raging one day next week just to see what it gets me!

kimmy - I'll just tell Jamie sometimes you need a 101 day recovery period!

1blueshi1 - That cracked me up! If I ever pen a guide to getting it on book and/or blog, I intend to use that name!

Manager Mom - Do you find post-it notes all over your house and car, all from your husband? Or is that just mine doing that?

WWoW - Honey, I gotta draw the line at the rice cakes!

April - I know! Mean people exhaust me. People who think Oprah writes all those classics exhaust me more. I say let us all get exhausted by having FOREVER sex!

Bee - I get especially peeved by the loud sighers. Gah! And those who couple the sighs with the eye rolls? Please...

Thursday, June 26, 2008 12:18:00 AM  
Blogger Better Than Coffee said...

hello.. reading..

Thursday, June 26, 2008 11:49:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Iago's Mom - stop back again sometime and let me know what you thought!

Friday, June 27, 2008 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

come on find your lovers, underneath the covers...

You are a much stronger person than me! And you freakin' crack me up.

Thanks for the last comment you left me while I was down at the coast entertaining my nephews. See the one I left you back and e-mail me. I'd like to get to know you well so we can be one we can be one together, my published friend. Will you be my mentor? :)

Saturday, June 28, 2008 2:39:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

That girl - I have made the move to be one with you! I'm probably a lousy mentor, but I am a very good giggler!

Sunday, June 29, 2008 9:23:00 PM  

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