...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, August 22, 2008

'come with me friday, don't say maybe'

So, yeah, it's Friday (Happy Friday those of you who like to cheer "TGIF!" and/or are all "Did someone say Friday? Oh, no! It's Beer Day!" or stuff like that), and I'm a little bereft of ideas. It's been a rather random week, and because of that, I thought, "You know what the people want? They want random. You've deprived them of the random for a long time, Doll Face!" and I said, "You know what? You're right. I'm going to give them the random. For them. I will do it for them!"

And then my Tool Man peeked up from playing Space Fight on Facebook and asked, "Did you say something?" because I apparently said that last part outloud and he got a bit excited when he heard the word 'give,' but I told him to just get back to playing with his little computer friends because I had tales of whimsy to write. For my little computer friends. So. Yeah...

Anyway, here we go:
  • I don't really refer to myself as 'Doll Face' when I talk to myself in my head. I use a variety of endearments, some of which include 'hun,' and 'luv,' and (most common) 'Hottie O' McHottenshire of the Scottish highland O'McHottenshires.' You may call me whatever you wish.
  • Yesterday I was watching some cartoon program with my youngest son before we ventured down for his school bus. All was delightful and charm, and then one of the older, wiser characters told the younger that their goal today was lowering the expectations of women, because if you get their expectations too high, you'll never get them off your back. Hold up!! This is what is going on on cartoons today? This is what's being taught? What the hell happened to wily coyotes trying to drop anvils on pesky roadrunners and snarky, closeted rabbits? Why, back in my day, cats and mice played friskily with one another. They didn't pull this type of thing out of their hats! Get off my lawn, you pesky new-fangled cartoon characters! Ever the wise one, Tool Man wandered through the living room and said, "What's the big deal? It's true, you know." And that, my little computer friends, is why Tool Man plays with other boys and their pretend space ships on the computer.
  • I kid, I kid.
  • After the cartoon self-help lesson, I walked with my son down to the corner to catch his bus. After the heinous bus driver my kids had last year, it's like I'm living in an adorable sitcom world this year. My son's new bus driver is waving to us and grinning broadly as he pulls to the corner, and offers a charming "GOOD MORNING TO YOU ALL!" when the door swings open. It makes me want to jump on the bus and give him a huge hug, but I wasn't kidding the other day when I said the driver is my old 7th grade math teacher, and I'm afraid if he sees me up close, as I tend to hug up close, he'll toss out some random geometry question, and if I fail (which, without question, I would), he'd deny safe passage for my first grade son. I've done parent pick up and drop off. I still break out into a cold sweat and shakes when I drive by the school parking lot, even on weekends. I don't want to go through that hell ever again. So I flip my hair a little bit so it's covering my face (Because yes, I look EXACTLY like I did when I was in 7th grade. Only cooler. Sure), adjust my sunglasses, and bid him a good day as he pulls away, thanking him for not being jaded about a bus full of noisy, bouncy kids.
  • And wishing I could be a little less jaded about them, too, but working in the kid's department at the book store has broken me, people. I swear. OK, maybe it's not the kids, but it's the parents. Or the parents who wander in an hour later after their kid has destroyed the department, then announce loudly, often in some sing-songy baby talk voice that makes me want to stab myself in the thigh with a fork, as they're yanking their kids out of there that they can just leave the mess they've made because someone (ME!) will pick it all up (or have to return it because it's been destroyed). Deep breath. Deep breath.
  • I dig kids. I really do. I just don't dig the kid's department all the time. Because I also dig grown ups who don't wander into the kid's department, especially those who don't call me stupid.
  • Speaking of hair, I was getting tired of stepping on my bangs as I attempted to go about my days, so I got my hair cut Wednesday night. My appointment was late in the evening, which is when no good typically happens out in the world. Because I had a hot date planned to come home and put pajamas on and watch television with Tool Man (do not be jealous of our molten hot love!), my stylist decided I should look super fancy. Which is the polar opposite of what she typically does if I get my haircut in the morning and have truly grand plans mapped out for the remainder of the day. Anyway, she cut my hair so I could see now, blew it all dry, secured it into a huge ponytail atop my head, then proceeded to curl waves into said ponytail. By the time she removed the Scrunchee and let my hair fall (nay - cascade down my shoulders like rivers of rich, succulent amber fire), I had big, flouncy hot girl curls. I was, to say the least, delighted! I tipped her handsomely, then made a quick stop at the nearest Kum & Go to stun the clerks with my hot hair and quench that fire with a Diet Mountain Dew. Googly eyes! Success! I got home, ready to bring the thunder with my Tool Man. Ten minutes later, a new space ship secured, he turned away from his computer game, locked eyes with my amber waves of fire, and announced, "You've got porn hair!" Little computer friends, I have seen some porn in my day. I've seen what goes on in the hair of some of those on porn. I didn't have that aspect of porn hair, thank you very much. However, if Tool Man meant that my hair appeared to be like that of the BOOBS! of a porn actress - that is, enhanced beyond the realm of safe, comfortable, and/or natural - then yes, I did have porn hair. So I gave him my patented come hither look, which, apparently, wasn't as enticing as earning space ships, so Tool Man went back to protecting the universe from evil doers. Two days later, my hair is now flat (or, in porn terms, my hair is now flaccid), and I hope that the people in the pretend world of Space Fight feel safer.
  • I've rambled long enough. Oh, I see you, all shaking your head and saying, "No! No! Go on! We love your ramblings!", but I'm hungry, my house is a holy mess, and I'm going to tell you that I plan to rectify both those matters (when in reality I'm going to likely sit around for a bit longer and psych myself up and watch shows on the Food Network. Or listen to the Jonas Brothers. Seriously. I can't stop thinking of that cute Joe...).
  • Oh, but before I forget, the above ramblings? They're really just overdrawn musings on what I probably already rambled about on Twitter this week, and if you aren't already part of this time suck brigade, I say good for you! Hold strong! But! If you are, and you want to sit in the dark of your mom's basement and yell out, "Show me your tweets, Doll Face!", you can follow me there by looking for me under FADKOG. I'm sure I'll marvel you with my random pronouncements of how bored I am, and how I'd take a punch in the face if someone were to share a frozen Snickers with me.

Don't be scared of me. I wish you nothing but a happy weekend. Try not to think about me too much. I'll be around. We're good. I heart you all so hard. Now how about giving me some random in the comments!



Blogger patty said...

I'd have hidden from the 7th grade math teacher, too. Although he wasn't as scary as my 7th grade English teacher, a flamboyant silver-haired French woman with a mane halfway down her back and, no kidding, leather pants. We all called her Mrs. Manny, The Teenage Granny.

Friday, August 22, 2008 9:41:00 AM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

Can I get a t-shirt that says "Show me your tweets, Dollface"? Cause that would be awesome.

Friday, August 22, 2008 9:49:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

My husband calls it "sex hair." When I recently asked him how he prefers my hair, he said all loose, wavy, and tousled, like I just rolled out of bed. So that's how I've been doing my hair recently. And I have to say, looking this unkempt is a lot of work!

Friday, August 22, 2008 9:58:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

So. . . the Tool Man makes the 'porn hair' comment, and then goes back to online gaming?

(*rending garment*)

And, just one time (altho it would certainly be your last day on that job), wouldn't you want to just grab the 'Someone-will-clean-it-up' Mom, and say, in your own sternest mommy-voice, "And that someone is gonna be YOU, Doll-face; you and your Spawn of Destruction. Now you march right back in there and start picking stuff up! Asses and elbows!"

(*sigh*) But isn't it pretty to think so? . . .

Friday, August 22, 2008 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

whatever...you could totally ramble all day...i'll listen to it. twice. ;)

Friday, August 22, 2008 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger Roaming With A Hungry Heart said...

You think working in a bookstore has ruined you? Try waitressing in a family-friendly restaurant for 3 years and then we'll see how broken you are.
Picking up crushed and soggy crackers all over the table, floor, and high chair.
Having to replace all the sugar packets bc parents won't tell their children that they're not toys.
One mother that drags in a whole gang of prissy little girls after just getting done up like Hannah Montana at Libby Lu in the mall and having a check of all of $30 for a group of 10, or the mom that totes in the whole neighborhood for the Sundae Bar with free ice cream refills and free water and a check of $12, tip of maybe $2.
Those of some great times.

Friday, August 22, 2008 10:07:00 AM  
Blogger Roaming With A Hungry Heart said...

And so jealous of your ability to have long, bouncy, voluptuous curls. My hair does not hold volume to save my life. Hence I tend to go with shorter haircuts, bc long hair on me just sort of hangs there, straight and limp. Am considering a body perm though.
And what a waste of a sexy hairstyle if space ships are more interesting. Silly husbands, mine gets sucked into playing soduko and solitare online.

Friday, August 22, 2008 10:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Friday, August 22, 2008 10:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rock out the porn hair. It's been so humid (ie I've been so lazy) in Michigan the past week I've been wrapping my long hair up in a tangled mess of a bun and keeping it off my neck. It's quite sexy, but by no means porn hair. It's old lady hair. Or Cat Lady hair. Or, I just got out of the shower hair.

I'm envious of your porn hair. Even if it is flaccid.

p.s. I just failed your damn word verification thing TWICE. I need to go back to elementary school, apparantly.
The randow word now includes HO. Is it trying to tell me something?

Friday, August 22, 2008 10:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"... in porn terms, my hair is now flaccid."

Best sentence I've read this week. Not even close.

Friday, August 22, 2008 11:14:00 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

Space Fight is meh... Mob Wars is where the real action happens!

Friday, August 22, 2008 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

I've heard they invented a more healthy Twinkie. My neck itches. Hey, a penny!

Friday, August 22, 2008 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

I'm with Michael..Mob Wars is where it's AT!

and random? I'll have to think of something because the moment you said you wanted random, all random related comments I had on the tip of my fingers promptly disappeared. I hate when that happens!

Friday, August 22, 2008 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I see all of the other Facebook mob warriors, and I PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.

Because my mob boss is just that kind of guy. That's how he rolls.

A couple of things I need to note: I'm guessing that your husband is watching a different variety of porn than you are, from the sounds of it. Just a guess.

Also, this:

"...lowering the expectations of women, because if you get their expectations too high, you'll never get them off your back."

To that, I say amen, random 21st century cartoon character.

Friday, August 22, 2008 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Loving the randomness - as you well know!

I rarely achieve porn hair, and when I do it becomes flaccid all to quickly - clearly I wouldn't make it in the world of porn hair (I hear you have to have stamina for that kind of thing).

Friday, August 22, 2008 12:38:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

mandy lou - as in porn, a good head of cascading amber waves requires a dedicated fluffer! :)

Friday, August 22, 2008 12:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Porn hair, space ships, teachers and smart mouth cartoons? Yup, that's the making for a rambling Friday alright!

Friday, August 22, 2008 1:16:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

My husband calls it sex hair too. He likes it long and sleek, just like I like my men.
: )

Friday, August 22, 2008 2:12:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

The wax I ordered on ebay come today and I'm STOKED! Nobody napped today, and I'm on my second pot of coffee. It really needs to rain here. According to my kids, a ball is the best plaything ever created. I can't wait to wear my new tennis shoes!

Friday, August 22, 2008 2:45:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

The same in 7th grade? Umm, how old is that? (Sorry, from England). Glad the new bus driver is less of an ogre.

Friday, August 22, 2008 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

you want rambling-you got it.

i dont know what twitter is. i've seen it around but i dunno nothin bout it and i think that's okay.

i've been thinking about cutting my hair but then i found an old pic of my hair when my face was fat and i wonder what was i thinkin? then i dont think about it anymore.

i need new tennis shoes.

that's all i got for right now as i'm in dire need of a nap and a shower.

miss you. love you. mean it.

Friday, August 22, 2008 4:03:00 PM  
Blogger Bunny said...

Ohhh, that reminds me - I have one of the almond Snickers in my freezer right now . . .


Friday, August 22, 2008 7:45:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

random ramblings:
School is kicking my ass. I got up this AM at 5:30 and STILL had to dropkick them both to the bus at 7AM. WHY did I want to have children, again? Because the life of the full time working mother in America is an enviable one! See my ability to wash dishes with hot water, toil through endless loads of laundry, and clean toilets in a single bound!

Friday, August 22, 2008 7:50:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Here's random:
If I had half a brain I'd leave my job but half a brain is what keeps me there.

They are showing a commercial of Nightmare Before Christmas and it scares the beejeebus out of me!

My dog Tazz keeps trying to hump my dog Mocha but he was fixed when he was a month old due to a hernia, how does he know of what he has never known?

My freakin Frosted Flakes are stale but I am the only to blame since Andy doesn't like cereal! Who doesn't like cereal??? He's a freak of nature I tell you!

Now I'm sleepy.

Friday, August 22, 2008 11:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

random you say?

I have a zit on my arse. WTF? When did it happen that the universe deigned that I was to be an arsehat? Cause only arsehats get arsezits.

I totally want something fat and greasy covered in salt. So I had a yogurt. Like THAT is gunna work.

Watching the pole vaulting and wondering how the guys 'package' didn't hook over the top of that pole.

And I totally want porn hair.

Saturday, August 23, 2008 1:28:00 AM  
Blogger graham's mom said...

thought process:

mmmmmm...frozen snickers. what a good idea.

wait, what about something else frozen? like, uh, a slush puppy? oh, a FOR REAL slush puppy would be so good. i would totally put extra pumps in there. hee hee. extra pumps.

what's in the freezer? hmm. baby food. chickpeas. tomato sauce. ICE! there is ICE! perhaps i will simply gnaw on some ice!

i wonder if my iron is a little low.

Saturday, August 23, 2008 8:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, My Fave Diff Kinda Gal, why the hell do i always find myself drinking coffee when i read your hilarious posts!! inevitably i have coffee snorting out of my nose by the time i am done here!!
god you crack my shit!!

I was in the kid's section of the bookstore with Joe last nite and it looked like a damn hurricane went thru it. and i remember thinking, somebody is gonna have to clean all this crap up!! damn! hehe. you're a good woman, Diff Gal.

okay so you asked for randomness...

how about...

Donna Martin graduates!! wohooooooo!

see, we hadn't discussed our mutual love of 90210 lately. so i'd say that was a pretty randon comment right there. oh, and why wasn't donna going to graduate anyways? was it drug use? or didn't she get wasted at the prom? or did she cheat with David Silver on some exam? can't remember!

Okay, i have gone on for far too long!

Happy Sunday to ya, love ya-mean it. :)

Sunday, August 24, 2008 6:33:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Porn hair ... I want porn hair!

Sunday, August 24, 2008 9:02:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

The most I can do is a porn-stache....

Heres lusting at you, kid.

Sunday, August 24, 2008 10:41:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

Chris, from your picture there, you already have it! ;op

Sunday, August 24, 2008 10:18:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Patty - It wasn't until college that I feared any English teachers. Actually, I just feared the grammer lessons they were trying to teach me. Who the hell diagrams sentences, anyway?!

(no offense, random sentence diagram lovers out there, btw...)

Madame Queen - OH!! I want an entire week's worth of those! We should totally get on that, for indeed, that would be awesome! That would be awesome dipped in awesome then rolled in kick ass!

Therese - Seriously!! Sex hair takes a heck of a lot of work, and so far, my sex hair doesn't look a thing like what my stylist did to me! I need to hire her to come to my house and give me the sex hair!

Des - You have no idea how often the thought of putting a particularly destructive crew to work crosses my mind. I must discover a better attitude under the piles of crap and ripped up books that gets left behind!

ali - I'm totally sweet on you! Let's just sit and stare at each other and laugh at how awesome we are!

Tulip - I could never have the fortitude to be a waitress. Seriously. I have nothing but respect for wait staff, and I always keep that in mind when the check comes. Then I'd write a note on the bill, saying, "Come work in a bookstore..." :)

Also, by all accounts (those accounts being when I do my own hair), my hair is as straight and unbending as a virgin!

Meg - Maybe the word verification was trying to tell you we should all aspire for ho hair, which, really, sounds like it would be a lot more work than porn hair. Or riddled with disease.

twobusy - (blushing at the kind comment, brushing the flaccid hair that falls into my eyes as I humbly bow)

Michael - Cripes, he's playing so many games on there lately, it's quite possible he has a Mob War in full effect! I'm almost afraid to ask him,though, for fear of giving him ideas!

Always Home - I like cheese. Backpacking Dad thinks I'm gonna break up with him to try and date you. Do you think I'm pretty? Turtles scare me.

Stacie - I've tried to write random for weeks, and have had it slip from my fingers the moment I've logged on! This random turned into more of a manifesto to my lameness!

ftn - Your mob boss is a bad ass. Respect. Also, there's not enough shampoo in the world that would make me dig the kind of porn I may or may not have seen that is different than what my husband is watching. He's apparently watching those preachy little cartoons while I'm on the porn. Did I mention that you, too, are bad ass? Bad ass.

Mandy lou - See below your comment!

Lovely blog author - You totally made yourself giggle when you typed that comment to Mandy Lou, didn't you? Rushed right in to leave it before anyone else could leave something similar, yeah? High five, girl. High five indeed.

Cece - Alas, I've pretty much rambled like this all weekend, minus the fabulous porn hair!

Tuesday girl - Word. :)

Merecat - I'm a freak when it comes to cleaning. I should be sleeping. I have 84 books that are yelling at me to read them. I miss naps. Yeah!

Chris - OK, maybe not EXACTLY like I did in 7th grade. I look far less pissed off at the world in my school pictures these days!

kimmy - I had super short hair when my youngest was born. I'm talking SHORT, like, "Hi, we see your brain working in there under your scalp." I thought it was awesome. Awesome and easy. Then I saw pictures of me and my brand new boy, and the only cute thing in those pictures was the baby. My super short hair was, in fact, NOT AWESOME. I was hideous, and I was pissed no one had told me! The tears I cried for weeks later were not those of a post-partum mother, but someone who desperately needed her hair to grow back, pronto!

Bunny - I did, too, and I can never hold off on that first bite!

1blueshi1 - I'm so happy to see you back around these parts! Next week I'm a single parent. It's the first full week of school. Not a morning person. FYI, it's gonna suck. And I didn't even mention the homework part of it all yet...

Bee - My brain says it'll never be able to work a 'real' job again. I'll soon be dealing with Christmas at work and THAT scares the beejeebus out of me. I didn't know how to spell 'beejeebus' and had to go back up to your comment to find out. I don't get the whole "you've never had this, so how do you know" business about animal humping, but it freaks me out. WHAT AM I DOING THAT I DON'T KNOW!? I mean, we're nothing but a bunch of animals, too, right?! Frosted Flakes make my teeth hurt, but that doesn't stop me from buying them, or bitching at Tool Man if they're stale. I REALLY am tired...

Kelley - Frickin' arse zits. It's like a curse. Hi. I'm 40. Please, pox me with the pimples like I was 14, eh? Pole vault scares me. I'm afraid the pole would snap, and then what? Screwed. That's what you are.

graham's mom - What is this magical slush puppy you speak of and how do I go about getting it to enter a state of bliss?!

katie - Donna totally drank during prom and got drunk and that's why she couldn't graduate. At least not until a student protest paved the way for her to finally get that diploma! Yeah, West Beverly High! Boo, Tori Spelling, for being all peevish and not agreeing to be on the new 90210. Last I checked, you were all about saying how much you needed to work, yo. But oh, yeah, I'll definitely be watching the new series!

Chris - Porn hair is a commitment. You have to nurture it!

Savage - Grow me a porn-stache, mister!

Bee - It actually looks a wee bit 70s key party swinger'ish to me!

Monday, August 25, 2008 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

If you break up with me I'm totally going to go all emo and write tragic 3-chord dirges on my guitar, and each verse is going to be alliterative, using a different letter of your name every time.

Monday, August 25, 2008 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

BP Dad - The only songs you'll be writing for me, baby, are love songs about how totally awesome we are together. The kind of songs that make jaded old people stop, listen, and look at their spouse, all old and jaded, too, and take their hand. The kind that make grumpy people not so grumpy. That's right. The kind that makes me love you even more.

U + Me = 4ever

Monday, August 25, 2008 12:34:00 AM  

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