...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

this post brought to you today by the letter B

I planned to be a bitch today.

To be the best bitch on a day begging for bitchdom, I brainstormed and blueprinted and banged out a mission. I'd cry "Just because!" while banishing boys to the basement, then retrace my steps and return to my bed to burrow under blankets and perhaps even bawl. Find my inner Betty Draper, bend my hair into a bun. Imbibe in badly mixed elixirs while brooding about my day, bury myself face first into pillows once tastefully cornered on the davenport. My mind was bent on saying davenport rather than sofa or couch, because it's what my grandmother would say, and though she is forever among my beloved, she could also be quite a bitch, and today, that trait was going to run in the family.

I planned to be a bitch today.

But instead...

Instead I chose to burst forth upon the day where burst forth was the eager understudy for take a moment to stretch my weary bones. "Nay," I broadcast. "I shall not be a bitch today!"

Instead of banishing boys to the basement, I bunched them both up, the one who is a beanstalk and the other who answers to the nickname Boo, and we banded together to bake blueberry muffins. Because we don't believe in store bought mixes here (no offense to the other Betty, this one a Crocker), we blended and buttered and beat our way through bags of flour, sugar and broken eggs - blissfully, just two. Blessed with but only a 1/2 teaspoon measuring spoon where 2 teaspoons were a must, we bent our brains around the business of beefing up fractions (thank you, seventh grade math, chapter 2, for backing us up and bolstering our egos), then we watched the all the pretty flour(s) bloom upon the counter top.

While waiting for tiny blue pillows to burst, we also made these, and while I can think of no B-words to describe them and blow you away, I can break the news these cookies are the bomb. The secret ingredient? Banana pudding. "Best believe it," boasts the beanstalk, so you can bank on it being true.

Then the boy nicknamed Boo brought forth books and a query, so we buried ourselves in the pages. A blow-by-blow account of a chicken with a craving and a belly in need of filling, he set out to brew up bites for his buddies while they watched the big game. But just then came the big twist in the story! Those buffalo wings? They weren't quite what they seemed!

After bursting into laughter at our protagonist's beguiling tale, we broke free of the building to brave the great outdoors, where we backed down from blowing bubbles because we were blown away by the breeze before boogieing back inside to sample our fruity treats. The night is still young, there's time yet for burgers that have been barbecued and Buffy's season six exploits, but I already believe we've made the best of this day.

I planned to be a bitch today, but I'm blessed to know I thought better of it.



Blogger The Savage said...


Sunday, September 27, 2009 8:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Brian said...

Bonzo bloggery by bitchless babe!

Sunday, September 27, 2009 8:12:00 PM  
Blogger Stone Fox said...

awesome. i adore alliteration.

Sunday, September 27, 2009 8:16:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

Mmmmmmm, muffins with magnificent mom.

Sunday, September 27, 2009 8:43:00 PM  
Blogger shrink on the couch said...

You were a bitch today .. you wrote a bitchin' essay!

Sunday, September 27, 2009 9:22:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Can I come over?

Sunday, September 27, 2009 11:13:00 PM  
Blogger tracey.becker1@gmail.com said...

B.b.b.b.b.b.b.b... Remember Goldie Hawn in Overboard?


I need me some blueberry muffins.

Monday, September 28, 2009 1:21:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I need that cookie recipe! Does Jessica Simpson get royalties off of that book?

Monday, September 28, 2009 6:29:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

What a beautiful way to not be bitchy. We love to bake away the bitch in us, too. (That would be me and my pms alter ego that I've developed as of late. I call her Eunice.)

Monday, September 28, 2009 7:30:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

"Letter B, Letter B,
Letter B, Letter B;
B-b-b-b-b-b-b, Letter B. . ."

Beautiful Bit of bloggery, babe. . .

Monday, September 28, 2009 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

I would just have gotten blotto on beer, but I'm a brew hound -- best believe it.

Monday, September 28, 2009 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

AAWWWWW what a sweet day- I love it!

Monday, September 28, 2009 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

I was boing to try to be all "B" like, but I'll just reference Brian's comment and say:


Monday, September 28, 2009 10:54:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

You had me at "davenport."

Monday, September 28, 2009 11:28:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

Speaking of Betty Draper, I've also been in the mood for a davenport or, to the point of last night's episode, a fainting couch . . .

Glad you were able to bake your way through the bitchery temptation; I do it too. Where some people see a Kitchen Aid mixer, I see sugary Prozac. But seriously, sounds like a lovely day.

Monday, September 28, 2009 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

My befuddled brain couldn't match your brilliant bustle of "B"s.

Monday, September 28, 2009 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart said...

Hopefully you did not BOGART all the muffins...and you did not forget to read all about teamBOGART and his wonderful adventures.

Monday, September 28, 2009 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

Bring me cookies, bitch.

Monday, September 28, 2009 1:19:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

i was all set to beg for bunches of cookies until you reveale dthe secret ingredient was bananas. bananas make me blow up and stop breathing....talk about a bitch of a day...

but the blueberry muffins...mmm....

Monday, September 28, 2009 2:03:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Very cool use of the b word!

Monday, September 28, 2009 3:03:00 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Please tell me it took you hours to right this post. It was Brilliant!

Monday, September 28, 2009 4:47:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

If I were clever I could come up with some more B words to use in my comment, but I can't so I'll just say...my MOM says davenport and I tease her mercilessly.

Monday, September 28, 2009 8:57:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

BRILLIANT! love the BBBBBB post!

bookmarking this blog, biatch!

Monday, September 28, 2009 10:18:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Did you make Buffalo wings? That would be a perfect way to end a B day. Beer and Buffalo Wings.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 7:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bee-yoo-tiful post! I love me some B's.

I'm impressed with the baking skills and the hanging out skills. Good job FADKOG, I mean Martha Stewart.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 10:25:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

It's great to know we CAN turn things around. The only thing you're missing is the Beer.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger justmakingourway said...

From bitchy to beautiful through baking. I think I should give that a try!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 3:46:00 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

In Australia we call them biscuits. but they all look beautiful and bake-tastic! ;)

Thursday, October 01, 2009 1:18:00 AM  
Blogger msprimadonna67 said...

Such a creative post! I love it.

Sunday, October 04, 2009 5:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Rebecca said...

So, you just add banana pudding mix to the cookies or something, cause I'm completely hooked. Must Have Recipe!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009 3:53:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home