...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

we are golden

I went shopping earlier this week, hoping to find a card to give my husband. Today is our 15th wedding anniversary. Fifteen years ago this afternoon, my father flung the sanctuary doors open, revealing me to friends, family, and my soon-to-be husband, and even now, when I think about the way he looked at me in that moment, I tear up.




I've never been a great fan of mass produced greeting cards meant to mark off birthdays, sympathies, or anniversaries. Often I'll stand before the colorful, typically haphazard displays, and become overwhelmed. Other times I'll read each one in a desired category, sometimes more than once, hoping to find the card to best describe what my heart wishes to say to the intended recipient. Very rarely, though, does that seem to happen. Such was the case this week. How do you wrap 15 years of marriage up succinctly in four or five lines of flowery prose when there's so much I want to say to him? I could add my own words to Hallmark's efforts, but when I've done that, I fill the pleasing white space with my charms, causing my husband to twist and turn the card in an acrobatic attempt to read my writing, while I'll have long finished reading the one handed to me moments before. The one signed simply Love, Your Husband.

My husband is a man of few words and I am a woman of many. There are countless nights I lay my head down at the end of the day and wonder why it aches before I remember that it's filled with all the things I wanted to say that day but never got - or took - the chance to, whereas my husband barely gets the words
"good night" out before plunging into a deep sleep. I see it as frustrating. He probably sees it as a gift.

This has not been the easiest year of our marriage. We've spent far more days and nights away from each other than I care to tally. For the first time in its (amazing, impressive) 15 year tenure, we raised our voices to each other, and word(s) we've never said to the other were lobbed like grenades across the length of our living room and left to lie there, waiting to see how the other might react. I'm not at all proud of that. I thank God every day the man who made me well up with tears of happiness 15 years ago today may have ducked and looked for cover, but never once ran away. I pray that he's happy I didn't either.

I can't imagine life without him, the same way I can't fathom how it is 15 years with him have sped by. When I joined him at the altar on our wedding day, I only saw
that day in my mind. I knew we'd have many together. I simply couldn't picture them in that moment. I didn't see our two amazing sons in our future, or the daughter we'll one day reunite with on another realm. I couldn't envision how we'd lift each other out of the depths of depression each of us would go through, or how we'd celebrate that which we have (thankfully, far more often than we've had to mourn for that which we do not). There's not a greeting card for that.

As I write this, my husband is downstairs with our boys, each of them skimming their game pieces across the Sorry board. The man of few words tackles the things I don't particularly care to do while I, the woman with (too) many words, spills a few. I hope he's never been sorry of any of the time we've had together during this rapid-fire 15 years. I'm not. Even though I never truly pictured our life together beyond the moment we married, I'd rush through our courtship and engagement the same way we did then to marry him again today if we were granted a do-over.

I have too many words, and the greeting cards I looked at (and ultimately left without) while on my shopping excursion didn't have the ideal ones, but in this particular moment, I can think of only single words that best convey what I feel today on our anniversary and every day after.




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Blogger bernthis said...

I believe this post would be the best "card" you could give him. Happy anniversary

Thursday, October 15, 2009 12:24:00 AM  
Blogger KriskropMemories said...

Wow, what a wonderful post.
Congrats on the anniversary!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009 1:24:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

This is way better than any pithy card would have been. What a wonderful post and tribute to your husband, your relationship and your love.

Happy Anniversary to you both, and may you have many years to come.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 2:45:00 AM  
Blogger the new girl said...

This is beautiful.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 2:46:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Awesome tribute - happy anniversary! And I love the cards that have the photos of people from the 1950's on the front - what a hilarious era.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 5:52:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

Congrats! What you have is beautiful, and you're even luckier because you know it. Your post was beyond beautiful.

And thank you, by the way, for your very kind words.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:03:00 AM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I agree with the others: you've just written him something better than any greeting card I could imagine.
Happy 15th to you both!
Isn't that like 50 years in this day and age??

Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:41:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

I suppose you should just buy some blank paper. :) Happy anniversary. I'm surround by unhappy people in unhappy marriages, so I love to hear about one that works.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Happy Anniversary to you both, and congratulations!

Truly - I honor the two of you for your love, extended over time. And for the thick-and-thinness of it. You guys 'get it'; thanks, on behalf of Molly and myself, and everyone else who is strengthened and encouraged by your perseverance. . .


WordVer = 'pregu'. . . Hmmmmm. . . ?

Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:56:00 AM  
Blogger Badass Geek said...


Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 9:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary to the two of you. This is a beautiful way to tell him you love him. Way better than a card.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 9:26:00 AM  
Blogger Briya said...

How sweet. Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:01:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

That was beautiful, and your husband is a very lucky man.

All the best to both of you.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

You just gave him a great card.

(at least you didn't rerun a post from last year, like I did)

Thursday, October 15, 2009 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger justmakingourway said...

I think this is perfect.
Happy, happy Anniversary to you both!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009 11:14:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Happy Anniversary, congratulations to you both!

This post alone, is a wonderful gift, give it to him with love.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger calicobebop said...

Happy Anniversary! Beautiful post!

Thursday, October 15, 2009 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger sue said...

Beautiful. Happy Anniversary! To many, many more...

Thursday, October 15, 2009 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Possum said...

*sniff sniff*
This almost crushed my heart through my chest again.
What a beautiful tribute to your love.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 1:30:00 PM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

awww-- just be sure to show him this post in leui of a card!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009 1:48:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Sweet. Now the trick is to just somehow get him to read this post.

Here's to many more years, you two crazy kids.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Happy anniversary

Thursday, October 15, 2009 3:35:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I loved this. Happy anniversary!

Thursday, October 15, 2009 6:16:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...


Happy Anniversary, to FADKOG and her Tool Man. Love you both.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 6:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Belated Happy Anni .....

Thursday, October 15, 2009 6:42:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

If your title is paying homage to the MIKA song then you are officially my favorite ever.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 7:42:00 PM  
Anonymous DCUrbanDad said...

Whoo hoo!!!!! Congratulations and here is to 15 more years.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 8:18:00 PM  
Blogger Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

So beautiful! Happy anniversary. Sounds like you've been there for each other and you surely will be there for each other in the days to come.

I could relate to the board game playing, man of few words, blissfully sleeping husband. Mine just turned in after not being able to stay awake during 30 Rock.

Blessings to you both!

Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:08:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

Beautifully done. And in just the right amount of words, too.

Many more, FADKOG and Tool Man.

Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:30:00 PM  
Blogger OneZenMom said...

So sweet. Happy Anniversary!

Friday, October 16, 2009 11:03:00 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

Happy Anniversary! What a great post! I consider myself a woman of many words, too, but I have to admit the cards, and my posts to my husband, have gotten a lot shorter over the years. Starting to match his ever consistent, "I love you, babe" cards. :)

Friday, October 16, 2009 1:18:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Happy Anniversary! We had our 15th as well this year. I probably should have written something as nice as this, but I took the low road. :)

Congrats...here's to 15 more!

Friday, October 16, 2009 2:27:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Just beautiful. Yep. I'd show this to your husband. Better than any card you could find.

Happy Anniversary.

Friday, October 16, 2009 4:20:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart said...

And I came here thinking that I was good with my writing expressing how I feel to Claire...Clearly I have things to learn from you.


And congratulations.

Saturday, October 17, 2009 8:50:00 AM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Beautiful post. Happy Anniversary. You are so very blessed.

Now if you could just meet Joe Jonas, your life would be complete ;)

Saturday, October 17, 2009 9:27:00 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

happy anniversary, sweetie.


Saturday, October 17, 2009 4:27:00 PM  
Blogger A Vapid Blonde said...

Very sweet loving post. (I didn't even post for my anniversary or a card...um yeah I rock)

Saturday, October 17, 2009 4:34:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Happy Anniversary!
Nice to be married to you best friend!

Saturday, October 17, 2009 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

Glorious post. Like a fine wine, high notes and low notes that come together and leave me grateful for the opportunity to have tasted them both.

Congratulations and thank you for sharing the journey with your humble fans like me. Much love, TGFS.

Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:14:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

My thanks to all of you for your well wishes! They are very much appreciated. We celebrated our anniversary with dinner out with our sons, where they dined on chicken strips and we paid more for them because we went to a restaurant where the food doesn't come in a bag. Later, I shared this post with Tool Man and in true 'man of few words' fashion, he smiled.

Onward and upward now!

Sunday, October 18, 2009 6:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Twenty Four At Heart said...

Happy anniversary! And seriously? It took you 15 years of marriage to raise your voices at each other? Sheesh!

Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:04:00 PM  
Blogger Cynthia said...

Happy Anniversary! Glad to hear it went well:)

Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:27:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

What an amazing post. I wish I could write something half as beautiful for my husband.

Sunday, October 18, 2009 10:57:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

And, as re "It might be a crazy life, but it's our life". . .

That fits us pretty well, too; you don't mind if I borrow it from time to time, do you?

Monday, October 19, 2009 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

Lovely and inspiring, FADKOG. I mean that in the least Hallmark-y sense of the words possible.

So glad you shared this with your Tool Man, by the way. Like others have noted, I only wish I could express these types of thoughts half as well.

Monday, October 19, 2009 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Congrats! I wish I had more to say but I don't.
Much with the lust!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 7:36:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

Your husband sounds like a prince among men. Happy anniversary :)

I am celebrating my 15 year anniversary with my own prince on the 22nd!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 8:24:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

you are indeed blessed, lucky, and dare i add wise to recognise it.

happy belated anniversary. here's to many more years of blessed matrimony.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger Amy W said...

What a beautiful post. It is so refreshing, comforting, and inspiring to see someone who is still so in love after many years and confident that you'd do it all over again. :) Congratulations.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 3:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Bejewell said...

This one made me tear up, and I don't DO that shit. Hope you two had a wonderful anniversary.

Thursday, October 22, 2009 9:20:00 PM  

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