...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, March 09, 2012

'ha ha ha bless your soul'

Yesterday at the bookstore, I helped a gentleman who wished to purchase two copies of the Guinness Book of World Records. Before he placed his purchase on the counter, he informed me he'd be paying with cash and I assured him that would be a delight. Then he informed me he wanted me to keep his purchases because he had to use the rest room. I had no way of knowing if that, too, would be a delight, but I let him know his books were safe with me until his return.

Several minutes later, he made that return. As I handed him his bag, our hands briefly touched, our eyes met and locked, and I knew in an instant, I'd found my soul mate.

Not really. If you know the meet cute story of my husband and I, you already know he and I met years ago at a Barnes and Noble, so I'm now off limits to random dudes purchasing world record books.

Our hands did brush against each others,though, and while I didn't fall in love, of course, I did wonder if he'd washed those paws upon completing any and all bathroom duties he'd been away doing, which, if you recall from two paragraphs ago, was for several minutes. It was when we pulled away from each other, though, when the fun began.

"I am a very famous engineer," the man informed me.

"Oh?" I responded.

"Yes," he continued. "When I was a child, I drew the space shuttle on a launch pad and NASA used my designs as part of the space program."

"Oh?" I responded, but truth is, I was thinking "Uh oh..."

"Yes," he continued. "Also, I created a variety of different bar code systems, including ones used for different security companies, the government, and as well as by McDonald's for their Happy Meals."

"Sounds like you've led an incredibly diverse life," I said, noticing now that the man was outfitted in some type of jumpsuit made from what appeared to be reinforced blue tissue paper, which may have explained why it took him so long in the bathroom...and that's the explanation I'm going with because I've been made aware of OTHER things that have taken place in the men's room at the bookstore and I care not to think that this man might have been involved in such business because, let me remind you, our hands touched for an uncomfortable number of minutes.

"Somewhere out there, there's a trust that's been established in my name, and when I find it, I know there will be enough money contained within to wipe out the entire national debt," my guest continued.

"Well, when you find that trust, maybe you'd want to come back here and find me and maybe give me some of that money!" I said with a chuckle.

He just looked at me like I was crazy.



Blogger Craig said...

Jen (who spends more time in our local neighborhood during business hours than I do, and is thus more, uh, familiar with the assortment of characters to be found wandering up and down our city's main thoroughfare) often says that, if you've got to be crazy, it's at least merciful if you can be happy at the same time. . .

Friday, March 09, 2012 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger Just Two Chicks said...

LOL... how funny!! Oh, and I love the song from your blog title. I listen to it ALL the time, and that is my favorite part. "Ha, ha, ha, bless your soul... do you really think--- you're in controlll?"

What would the world be without the weirdos! I'd be wearing dish gloves behind the register though. :)

Friday, March 09, 2012 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger cat said...

Twice in one day you have made me wistful for my bookstore days. Ahhh, the characters we'd encounter. Now I just have to deal with upper muckity mucks who think they are God's Gift to Life because they run things.

I'm sorry you had to touch him though. Hmm, I'd disinfect pretty thoroughly if I were you.

Friday, March 09, 2012 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Bahahaha! What a character! Although usually, folks like this scare me, as they are convinced everything is a government conspiracy.

And now we know who buys those world records books!

Friday, March 09, 2012 1:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha, I think I met the same dude years ago when i worked the Burger King. Still looking for his trust-fund, huh? That's OK, seems like he's doing fine without it.

BTW- If you see him again you might want to warn him to be careful who he shares his history with, I missed out on a job because of my invention history .... ;-) ... but that's another story.

Friday, March 09, 2012 3:57:00 PM  
Blogger tattytiara said...

Oh you told that beautifully. Y'know, I always wondered what kind of person bought those guinness records books, and somehow I'm not even slightly surprised to learn the answer.

Friday, March 09, 2012 7:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Kate Coveny Hood said...

By far my favorite thing I've read all day. He sounds a lot like the people who frequent my local library.

Friday, March 09, 2012 10:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Karen said...


Must be Crazy Person Week. I am just headed over to my blog to write a post about a couple of crazies -- uhhh I mean someone who's elevator doesn't quite reach the top floor -- that I encountered at Costco last week. Maybe there's a full moon? At any rate, at least it gave you a laugh. And a good hand scrubbing after, no doubt! :)

Sunday, March 11, 2012 5:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE this story.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012 12:35:00 AM  

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