...what have i done for you lately?

i'm coming clean right now with all of you and admitting something about myself that causes me a great deal of frustration and kills my time.

deep breath. ok.

i'm just a girl who can't say no.

i have a feeling all my girls out there are nodding, cheering 'yes!' to the 'no' problem because they know of what i speak. and part of me hopes the boys who so loyally stop by or hide out in the bushes and peek in through my windows are sitting back in their chairs, clasping their hands behind their head, smirking and saying 'alright!'

sorry, boys. hard to believe, but sometimes i do have the ability to say no.

well, only to the jehoviah's witnesses and magazine pimps who come to my door on a regular basis, but that usually just involves me holing up like a hostage in my house until they leave, so i'm not so much exerting my freewill as i am just being a coward.

in my unintentional quest to be the nicest damn girl you've ever encountered, i've been consumed lately with appointments, tasks and time killers that ensures me a gold medal win in people pleasing (again, this is where i picture the boys now rubbing their hands together...). i feel that i alone have the ability to make you happy, ensure your comfort, bestow you with fine gifts and perhaps meet your sales quota for the quarter. just this week, i've:

• attended a super fun mary kay facial party! why can't i go to one of these every week!? i adore getting pressured into spending insane amounts of cash on potions and creams i can get at target at a price (clearance, baby!) that won't make me feel guilty. no offense to anyone in the mary kay mob, but seriously, these are the women i've come to respect for they do know the power of 'no' and how to plow right through it until you're crying 'yes' in such an ecstatic state you need to change your panties. you will not escape attending a party. if you're like me, you also won't escape buying something, and the cheapest thing is pretty much the cost of groceries at my house for two weeks.
• gotten myself sucked into creating a yearly child care schedule for church. this will also inevitably involve me having to do some of said care even though i kept saying no, no, really no, i don't want to do this (obviously that worked out well for me...). my anxiety at getting roped into this has caused me to not call people and therefore suffer the wrath of those demanding it. ah, a church of love...
• been guilted into going to work on days i wasn't scheduled, only to stand around being bored, which i can do at home pretty well. the only upside, well, is money.
• attended the second of three baby showers for a relative, and bought a damn gift each time.

perhaps these seem pretty tame, but as women, we're made to feel inferior or rude if we don't say yes to everything asked of us. you can only fake a busy schedule, blame your spouse or kids for eating your time or simply hide out and not answer the telephone for so long, my friends. women are bitches if we don't say yes to things, but we respect and are in awe of those among us who can say 'no.' it makes my stomach knot and i bitch to everyone (like all of you, suckers!) about how i don't want to do what i've put myself out there for except the person to whom i really want to say no to. this would explain the countless times i've agreed to dog sit, attend yet another pampered chef, candle or jewelry party and agreed to make dinner for someone 'just because.'

come to think of it, it may also explain how i ended up married.

hmmm...there's something to ponder for another post.

at any rate, it's obvious i'm a sucker (again, you boys are so hot for me now, aren't you? good, good boys). you can ask me anything because really...no, really...i just want you to be happy.

but god, please, no more mary kay parties for awhile, ok? i'm weak.