naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm...

See that over there? That's a glimpse of how I intend to spend my evening. Words can't begin to express my deep love for The Breakfast Club. That's probably because when I speak of The Breakfast Club, I do so with every possible quote from the film I can break out with faster than the person I'm speaking to. I've proudly had entire conversations while innocently acting it out.

"I'm thinking of trying out for a scholarship."

To this day, 22 years after first seeing this masterpiece, my heart swells at the idea of having a real life John Bender. However, while my love for the movie is untarnished and pure, I've learned sometimes the Brian Johnsons of the world are the best route to go. Not all John Benders are as good for you as the movie version.

"Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So...are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?"

I was sharing a conversation with a friend at work recently when, suddenly, I started quoting from this film (honestly, it's sometimes like I have Turrets Syndrome where TBC is concerned!). At a perfectly timed moment in our talk, I looked at this young man and said, "Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the latin, and the physics club... physics club."

He just looked at me. So, naturally, I continued. "Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics."

What I wanted from him was to fall right into play and give me the classic "So it's sorta social. Demented and sad, but social. Right?" and I'd have been thrilled and then maybe a little in lust and quite possibly would've had to excuse myself. But he was absolutely clueless!

Then I realized he was 23 years old. Just barely older than this movie (and probably more inclined to be able to quote from the actual movie Clueless)! When I asked if he'd ever seen The Breakfast Club, he said he'd not. My jaw dropped. Sacrilegious! The Breakfast Club should be mandatory viewing before anyone earns their high school diploma! I suggest it be shown over an extended lunch period where viewers are offered pb & j with the crusts cut off.

"Uh, Dick? Excuse me; Rich. Will milk be made available to us?"

In the meantime, I'll be watching it again in all it's glory. Tonight. And probably again over the weekend.

"Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar."

I've lost count of how many times I've seen it, and it doesn't matter. Why doesn't it matter?

Because "you see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions..."

Because unlike the world, this movie is perfect.

"Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place."

And seriously, I'm not kidding about those John Benders. Even if they lean in and whisper, "Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?" Just run across the football field, far away from them!

I'll be waiting for you, and we'll watch this together. Maybe sing the theme song. Good times.

"Well, well. Here we are. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. You may not talk, you will not move from these seats. Any questions?"

What's that? Will I share my popcorn and pop with you? Yes. But I won't make you make out with me, though. Unless you're a straight up Brian Johnson. Then prepare.

"You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?"

I've got no problem with sushi.