...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

i got chills, they're multiplying...

...and I'm losing control.

Of my bodily functions.

At least it seems as though I am.

Still with me? Good. I promise this won't be super gross.

So, remember that time I wrote about how I sometimes faked being sick when I was growing up because it was fun to hang out in my house alone and listen to records and do other things? I know it's been awhile, like three days ago, so let me refresh your memory.

What? I didn't mention what some of those other things were when I talked about singing along to my records? Use your imagination.

Anyway, did you get to the part in that entry where I said I tread the straight and narrow now? That I never fake, and that I never miss a day of work (I hear you, you with your "Big deal, big shot. You only work about 20 hours a week, Miss Fancy Pants/Sensible Shoes. You got plenty of other time in the week to be sick.")?

Well, guess what? I'm sick!! Full blown (literally!), hardcore sick! I think I was dancing on the edge of sickness when I finished that post last Friday, and that when I felt my stomach turn a bit when I wrote about my son throwing up, it was really my intestinal track saying, "Buckle up, baby, because in a few hours, you're going to be just like that lady in Kansas who became one with with her toilet. Enjoy your last few hours of freedom!"

Except it was my hands that graced the commode for several hours. I mean, for the most part, OK? I promised you, this wasn't going to get super gross.

Let me just say that having long hair rocks. Showers at 4:30 a.m., when you forget you have long hair and your husband has moved his sleeping efforts eslewhere and is unable to hold your hair back do not rock.

The last 48 hours I've been spinning in and out of a fever, coughing, expelling various science experiments and not sleeping. I am not a good sick person. I moan and groan a lot. There might have been some tears earlier tonight. I hope it's over soon before there's an IV drip and talk of "it's for your own good, dear," taking place.

So, about that perfect work attendance record I mentioned last week? I believe, with little doubt, that tomorrow it will get a mark in the 'absent' column, and I will stay home, curled up on the couch armed with blankets and buckets and the television remote. And what will I be doing on my little respite, you wonder? Well, hopefully I'll not be throwing up anymore, because I'd hate to miss a moment while watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off on WGN at 8 a.m. (seriously, I'm too weak to paw through the DVD cabinet for my copy, and this way, I can doze through the copious number of commercials on network television. Thanks for the heads up on this, backpacking dad!).

Now, before I somehow spread my germs onto you through some weird blog osmosis, I'm suggesting you leave before I have to get snooty.

Snooty?

Snotty.

Snotty?

Sigh. Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.

Even when I'm not faking the sickness.

Labels:

24 Comments:

Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

You're just faking so you can watch Ferris tomorrow.

Your sister is gonna rat you out and then make out with Charlie Sheen.

Or possibly perform in some sort of abortion-necessitated dance thing with Patrick Swayze.

Sunday, March 30, 2008 10:52:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

If I knew how to get there, I'd hold your hair back for you. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Monday, March 31, 2008 5:58:00 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

I know what you mean about the hair. Bah.

I hope you feel better quickly and are back to dancing and whatnot.

Monday, March 31, 2008 6:26:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Get well soon. And please don't breathe on me.

Monday, March 31, 2008 7:53:00 AM  
Blogger Melody said...

Only you could make being sick sound (almost) funny.

I really hope you feel better soon!

Save Ferris!

Monday, March 31, 2008 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

I was accused by another blogger of getting her sick. I let her know my time of making out with chicks is long gone. I just wanted to point that out before anybody became suspicious.

Hope you feel better soon!

Monday, March 31, 2008 9:15:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

That sucks...hope you feel better soon.

Monday, March 31, 2008 9:16:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Shall I don my nurse's outfit and head over?

Heh heh...the last two letter of my verification are "bj."

Monday, March 31, 2008 9:26:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

I'm so sorry you're sick. Hopefully it ends with you and doesn't spread to the rest of your family. You'd hate to have to take care of them and yourself at the same time.

Monday, March 31, 2008 9:58:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Ack! I hate puking! Even without the holding-the-hair-back thing (well, there was that summer in high school when I'd have had to hold it back; it was the 70s, y'know?). I'd do almost anything to avoid puking, even tho I always feel so much better afterward. . .

So, when I get sick, I get smitten with sinus infections, one of which I just got over. Ever had you head filled with a couple quarts of rubber cement? Then you know how I felt. . .

But seriously, hope you're yer old chipper self soon. . .

Monday, March 31, 2008 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Thankfully, if/when I get sick, I don't have the hair thing to worry bout; holding back my daughter's is enough.

Hoping you feel better quickly- and enjoyed Ferris!

Monday, March 31, 2008 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Scarlett Wanna Be said...

Big Daddy had the same thing on Easter Sunday. He went to the bedroom to lay down and then suddenly, I heard a dragon. I ran to the bedroom to see the new pet only to realize it was Big Daddy blowing chunks. It was awful. He also groaned all night, until I finally told him, "I get it,you don't feel well! Shut the door!" Needless to say,I don't have the gift of mercy.

Monday, March 31, 2008 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

This might be one of those karmic things... be careful what you blog about!

Perhaps, some music. (Note: not work safe)

Monday, March 31, 2008 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Yucko.... bet you are washing your hands a lot! Bet you'd even wash after touching a dead mouse, huh?

Hallie :)

Monday, March 31, 2008 12:59:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

did your hubby turn the ceiling fan on so he wouldn't have to listen to ya??? ha!!

man i'm sorry you're sick.
the whole world stops when a momma gets sick.

stay in bed. and if need be-i'll write you a note excusing you from work. you just say the word. by the time i'm done they'll have "save dkog" on the water tower in that podunk town of yours.

Monday, March 31, 2008 6:23:00 PM  
Blogger Tajalude said...

Not so sure I buy all this... I'm pretty sure I saw you LICK YOUR PALMS! (Or "pahms", as the legend would say it.)

Monday, March 31, 2008 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Aww man, that sucks!

Oh and fyi, groaning is not attractive! lol just kidding, but it really does iritate the hell out of me cause Hubs is a groaner! But you probably clean up after you throw up all over don't ya?? He doesn't, and it is soooo gross! lol Men are pigs! lol

Monday, March 31, 2008 8:41:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Hugs and lust... I'd even hold your hair and fix up some kick ass home made (yes, even the noodles) chicken soup (unless you prefer something else whilst in the trials and tribulations of ailing). All because of my massive lust that which is you Your Rackaliciousness!

Monday, March 31, 2008 9:43:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

I finally figured out where I got this illness. THANKS A LOT!

That blows.

Monday, March 31, 2008 9:59:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Ew, long hair + stomach flu = yucky. On the plus side, at least the ToolMan will hold your hair for you. If I were in that situation Scott would toss me a scrunchy as he went running from the bathroom. Fell better babe!

Monday, March 31, 2008 10:02:00 PM  
Blogger XI Summit said...

Hmmm, maybe the little bugger wasn't faking after all!

Here's hoping for a fast recovery. And a day off for, you know, Danke Shein is calling you.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 9:09:00 AM  
Blogger Wethyb said...

Hope you're feeling better now! At least you did get a day off...sick or not :)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 4:08:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

I KNEW there had to be a reason that you had not emailed me! It was impossible for me to imagine (sniff, small tear) that you did not love me any more with a mad inappropriate long distance virtual love (hehehe)
feel bettah baybay!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 7:16:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Very clever play of the tag lines my darlin'. You're the one that I want!

Saturday, April 05, 2008 1:32:00 AM  

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