'and these are the hands we're given...'
i·ro·ny - [ahy-ruh-nee, ahy-er-] – noun, plural -nies: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
- That my period starts on the first day of spring break. Two kids + one loaner dog + 10 days + three letters that provoke fear in my house = lots of deep breaths and perhaps explaining why Mama is crying. Again.
- That my period also starts on the first date day I've had with my husband in six months. Really, biology? Really? Add the lack of lucky to the above equation and God help anyone who crosses my path for the next four to six days.
- That the first date day I've had with my husband in six months involved him doing our taxes. "Hey, baby. Wanna get it on? No? Can't? Then I think I'll look up my federal lover." In seduction, IRS always trumps PMS. Always.
My week has barely started and it already feels like it's come full circle.
Which is like a period.
Which, seriously? Over spring break?
Deep breath...deep breath...
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 8:40 AM
20 Comments:
*pats your shoulder supportively*
There, there.
;)
Good luck!!!
My prescription:
Chocolate, taken as brownies or Hershey Kisses or Lindt truffles, PRN, up to 200 doses per day.
In addition, peanut butter in large doses.
If all else fails, run screaming from the house (assuming the tool man is home to watch the children and dog) and get the to a nail salon, ASAP. Get the pedicure too, you deserve it.
Isn't that always the way it happens!?! I feel your pain...
Four to six days? Really? I mean, aside from the TMI aspects of that, it makes me (what's the word?) hella glad that Molly's have been two days, three tops, for as long as I can remember. . .
And, can you find it in yer heart to cut the Tool Man just a tiny bit of slack? . . . He's just tryin' to keep a couple of his more significant sex organs (uh, his hands and his brain) constructively occupied until his for-real lover is available. . .
Would all of this be anything like rain on your wedding day?
Perhaps like a free ride, when you've already paid?
do what i do-get in the shower and get your swurve on. that way if the tool mans got blood running down his leg he can just wash it off lickity split.
win win situation.
the dog and the kids will amuse themselves for the twenty minutes or so it takes to um..wash your hair.
hmm, I can see where discussions of Dennis DeYoung are preferable...good luck, sweetie!
Reading this just reminded me of an unrelated song by Dan Baird (except for the title).
I Love You Period
"I love you period
Do you love me, question mark
Please please exclamation point
I wanna hold you in parentheses"
Maybe singing it to yourself will have the indirect effect of making it easier to accept over Spring Break.
Of course, singing it to myself just now made me want to do nothing more than beat my head against the wall.
That's a major bummer, sorry to hear about that timing.
Thankfully, Lynn's are shorter than that, that's way too long.
My husband knows what's coming when I do this:
Bee: [normal] Hey Babe! :o) [half a second later batshit crazy] WTF!! Didn't I put a Twix in this drawer? Did you eat my Twix?? TELL ME YOU DIDN'T EAT MY TWIX!!!!!!
Poor Andy.
Also "eat my Twix" made me giggle.
Shopping List:
Midol
Chocolate (not the bossy dove kind)
Diet Coke
More Midol
And copious amounts of Alcohol
Should solve the problem
Period? What's that? I THINK I remember that.... I might have last seen that 12 yearrs ago, at age 26, when I underwent my most favorite surgery ever!! God Bless my hysterectomy. NO MORE PERIOD EVER!
And since I already had 2 great kiddos and didnt want more, my life got infinitely better from that surgery on!!
Hallie :)
Yah, in the same boat here. And last month...the day before V-Day. Aunt Flo can go suck a big one as far as I am concerned! lol
Well, that's a shame. I'm sorry it worked out that way and hope your next few days aren't too awful.
And Desmond, two days? You seriously don't know how spoiled you (and Molly) are.
Sorry, I don't even remember what that's like. It's been 18 years since the good doctor removed that horrible part of my life. What I have trouble with is having a date night and then both of us being in the mood to do anything. Either he's, um, up to it and I'm not or I'm in the mood and he's not. So often what happens is just taking it when it's offered or going without for longer than either of us wants.
Oh Man! That is ONE THING I DO NOT MISS! I don't envy you this bit...but it will pass and chocolate does make it better...I don't care what "they" say!
Stacie
That fucking sucks. :P
Yeah, OK, can't relate .... sorry.
Queenie can't anymore either ....
Only one word...sucky. Is that a word? I dunno...I guess it is now.
Sucky.
Cat - (whimper, whimper) "Thank you." (sigh. whimper)
Bunny - My hips say "YES! Chocolate!" My nails say "Hey! What a great idea!" Alas, I'm unarmed in both.
Melody - Karma is a cruel one!
Des - TMI?! That was TMI?! Dude, I got your sex life down to a near science! Additionally, what kind of magic woman are you married to?!
FTN - Isn't it ironic...don't you think?
kimmy - Please tell the Tool Man some things need only take 20 minutes and I'll gladly race the hot water heater for such a thing!
1blueshi1 - Dennis DeYoung at leats gives me the great videos, so I'm torn. Ha!
Backpacking Dad - Oh, um, yeah, so don't throw up in your mouth again when I tell you I not only have that song in my collection, but I have referenced here in a post, a quick check of which indicates it was nearly a year ago and, um, sorta mentions the same theme as referenced here. I need new material...
Sailor - As one who lives it with style and grace, believe me, it's way too long. And that 'style and grace' part is probably a lie.
Bee - I was completely in hysterics reading "eat my twix," and then I got to the part where yo said it made you giggle, and I started laughing harder. I am now, you should know, calling all relations of the candy bar kind 'eat my twix.'
Mandy - I would perhaps rearrange that shopping list to put the alcohol on the top. Other than that, I think that's a spot on list!
WWW - Is it the same if some months I feel an overwhelming urge to reach up there and yank it out? No? Sigh..
Choppzs - We're like sorority sisters! Living in the same house and now on the same cycle!
Therese - No kidding, right?! I mean TWO DAYS?!
Phyllis - This past month your example has been the story of my life!
Stacie - A do love the chocolate! I just wish the chocolate loved me in that "we won't make your jeans tight and your ass big" kind of way.
Nan - Amen. Not as in a 'suck your cheeks in and pose' kind of sucks, because that is a suck unlike any I ever hope to experience again, but it does suck!
XI - The virtual world is dominated by women who don't seem to have this experience anymore.
Bogart - In my way of thinking, sucky is definitely a word, and it's very sucky. The experience. Not the word!
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