confucius say "make it good one"
Fortune cookies.
One moment they're all "Oh, baby, I love you! You're so very pretty! How 'bout you bite me, baby?" Then they're telling you blatant lies.
But now!? Now it seems fortune cookies want to pimp me out! Nice, stale fortune cookie that tasted like a soggy saltine cracker. Real nice.
Alas, because I put all my stock in fortune cookies and my horoscope, I'm disappointed that a week after getting this fortune, I'm still waiting for a proposition to accept! If you've got one for me, feel free to drop it here. Creativity is three-fourths of your grade.
(Also, if you could maybe toss in a side of hot and sour soup and a crab rangoon along with it, I just may accept before you're even done propositioning me.)
Labels: all propositions must end with the words "...in bed"
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 10:00 AM
20 Comments:
I'd like to take you across the road into a cave as my dog streaks behind us, jumping over a rock and then between two trees.
Wait.. Did you say proposition? Shoot, I thought you meant something else.
Damn. . . and I was SO sure that FTN was gonna ask to see yer BOOBS!
But, listen. . . I got me here a whole quart of hot-and-sour soup (my favorite, if you really wanna know), and a half-dozen crab rangoons. And a shrimp egg roll.
So, how's about it?
(I think I'm supposed to actually propose something if I'm making a proposition, tho, aren't I? *sigh*)
I propose that some day, you and I meet up somewhere for lunch and maybe a beer or two, or a cocktail, whatever, and we chit chat until lunch turns into dinner and then we chitchat some more until our voices get all scratchy and hoarse. Of course, there will be crab rangoons aplenty and fortune cookies galore and after each fortune we read aloud we will add the words "in bed" and giggle and drink another beer.
We can even wear pigtails if ya want....
Stacie
What?! No propositions from the Tool Man? !? He's slacking off . . . .
I propose all we blogging SAHMs run off to someplace exotic, like Ellsworth, WI (Cheese Curd Capital of Wisconsin), and let our inner wild women do their thing. You know, for a day or two, until we miss our kids too much. You in?
I can one up Bunny's proposition...
I propose that all you blogging SAHMs run off somewhere exotic, like Birmingham, Alabama (The Magic City and 8th worse homicide city in the US) and let your inner wild women do their thing......in bed.
Oh, and since y'all will be here in B'ham I'd get to join in, right? :)
If Big Daddy read this, his comment would be "I've got a proposition for ya" and he'd grab his crotch while he said it. He wears the big glasses and has the big nerd eyes, but he is still a gross boy.
I like Stacie's idea, but only if I can come, and since I have touched her boobs for real, I think she'll let me.
How did that not turn into accepting a proposition in bed with the Tool Man?
I got that same fortune once and on the way home a stinky, scary homeless guy suggested that I do a few things to him. Strangely enough I opted not to. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, what are the karmic repercussions of not doing what your fortune cookie tells you to do?
::blushing:: I have never propositioned anybody in my life. Except that one time I was in Tijuana and there was this donkey... uh never mind. I was thinking of somebody else that is not me.
I got nothing....
Strange. I know. I tried but my creativity is lacking at the moment.
I can't think of anything to proposition you for, but I'll just buy ya a thousand grand bar..a hot cup of coffee...and...we can eat and drink them in bed watchin' Lost tomorrow night.
I know..I'm good like that.
How about if I bathe in hot and sour soup, and then get crabs in bed?
No? qamzna
No, I did not accidentally type my word veri in the comment window. I just invented a new swear word is all.
Let's share a voyage of discovery together - we'll unravel the secrets of the Universe, and reveal the answers to life's mysteries. We will finally - at long last - feel the freedom of absolute wisdom, as we uncover the answers to life's long-pondered questions.
Such as:
- Different... HOW?
- Why do they call it Hot and Sour, when it isn't hot and isn't sour? Is that some kind of Chinese double entendre?
- What the heck IS that nubbin thing, anyway?
- Since when is a statement like "You look pretty" a fortune?
- Are there any BAD fortunes in those cookies? Do those have a frowny face, or maybe a scary face, instead of the smiley face? (Or maybe they suck you in with a smiley face at first, and the fortune starts out sounding good, but then gets ominous, and the second face is...REALLY scary!) Whoa!
- Isn't "qamzna" the word "Mork from Ork" used for "kick ass"?
- Will I ever be able to see what the neighbor kid saw?
- Is that qamzna schnugrak of yours REALLY "kick-ass"?
- Can there be anything better than the hot, steamy center of a fresh baked biscuit? (And, yeah, that one was a double entendre, all right...)
- HOW Different?
Let's find out together, ....(in bed)
I say we watch reruns of 90210 surrounded by moo-sho chicken all the while reliving when Brenda Walsh lost her virginity to Dylan Mckay and Brandon wrecked his beloved Mondale while driving under the influence. We will watch every damn episode together. in bed. holding hands. and reliving the glory days.
You are a brave, brave woman excepting propositions from fellow bloggers!!! lol
Now with that said, I had this dream of you, me and those piggies the other night.......
Will you take a nap with me....in bed? Points for practical propositions maybe? ;)
Just read the label there - one of the women at work got us all adding "in bed" to the end of our fortunes. Makes some of them extremely interesting!
FTN - I would like to know if you intend to do me harm inside the cave and hide the evidence underneath a large rock.
Des - If a request comes down for something like that, we've agreed we'd handle such a transaction via email. Very succinct and business-like, he and I. How about I let you keep that shrimp egg roll and you spot me an extra crab rangoon?
Stacie - You know, we should get on this plan immediately because right now my throat is very scratchy and from time to time, I switch from sounding like a very young girl to a grizzled old man. I will DEFINITELY wear pigtails!
Bunny - In his defense, the Tool Man took off shortly after we enjoyed the Chinese food greatness and was gone most of the week. After that, I was sick. However? Still waiting!! Your proposition sounds enticing, and I say this as a woman who had the great fortune of going to the Wisconsin Dells for her honeymoon. In October. Good, good times. Naturally, my first stop must be for cheese curds.
Chuck - You're selling Birmingham hardcore with this 8th worse homicide city in the nation! We'll have a great time dodging shifty characters and letting our inner wildness out!
Scarlett - Tool Man would glance at me, smirk, and shift his gaze down, then up. Down, then up. Then he might glance at me. Perhaps chuckle. Minus the big glasses and big nerd eyes, I believe my husband is working from the same playbook as BD!
I hope you'll don some pigtails and join Stacie and me, but I must ask. Will you and I potentially touch boobs?
Mandy Lou - I dare not even imagine what the karmic repercussions are of not obeying the fortune cookie fortune! Oh, just thinking about NOT doing what you're told by this random slice of paper (which is apparently not exclusive to just one person!) is much, much too frightening!
Bee - Anytime you want to work on our non-donkey show propositions, you know where to find me!
Savage - Perhaps, given your comment, I shouldn't tack "...in bed" at the end of it, eh?
kimmy - Let's definitely partake of some 100 Grand bars while pondering the mysteries of the island and those creepy, creepy island dwellers. Then we can cuddle and fall asleep, if you're OK with that. I don't want a lot of spooning. I do like my space in bed.
Biscuit - You are totally getting me all hot and sour soup bothered. Rawr...We can totally qamzna
SNB - You're a curious bird, aren't ya? Let me see if I can give our queries the justice they deserve:
-- How different? Oh. I am very, very different, sir!
-- Maybe you're getting your hot and sour from the wrong place. My hot and sour leans heavily toward hot, but maybe lacks in the sour. Regardless, I love it!
-- I think that nubbin is actually a skin tag. Skin tags creep me out, yet compel me in some sick, sick way.
-- A slip of paper saying "You look pretty" isn't so much a fortune as a statement of truth. How's that?
-- You know what a bad fortune would be? A bad fortune would be if you cracked that delicious little cookie (assuming they're fresh) open and a smoky ooze of yellow toxic gas began to pour out of it. And that than toxic gas took the shape of a gnarly hand, and that hand wound itself up and wrapped itself around your throat and squeezed. That, I think, would be a really crappy fortune.
-- I may have missed that episode when Mork said a word for "kick ass". Was that before or after he married Mindy?
-- Close your eyes and concentrate really hard, or come over and play after school some day.
-- Most freakin' definitely.
-- I can't imagine that there is. I really can't. Especially if that biscuit had melty butter and strawberry jam on it.
-- Oh, so very, very different.
Katie - This sounds like a very good plan. Want to know what I did yesterday afternoon? I watched the episode where Brenda and Dylan break up and at the end of the show, there's Dylan, in Kelly's bedroom. Cue making out. And Andrea got hit by a car. Oh, and David and Donna were talking about how they weren't having sex. Again. That never got old. Let's make our viewing room into a replica of the Peach Pit After Dark!! (btw, who new that quirky little David Silver would grow up and be so hot!).
Choppzs - Believe me, I've gotten some propositions even WITHOUT having to put up a post like this! And oh, my! What a very interesting dream! I just hope the piggies were not anywhere actually close to us! Or were actually delicious strips of crispy bacon. Mmmmm....
Nan - Oh, I would do that for you. Definitely...
Melissa - My husband always gets really sucky fortunes, so to make him feel better, I always tack on "in bed" at the end of it. It seems to brighten his day!
What a nice fortune :)
Wethyb - It beats the one I got the other day, which was something about my business growing proportionally. Whatever!
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