...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

tell me! tell me! how to be a millionaire!

I sell books for a living. It's not even a living. It's for grocery money and maybe a tank of gas for the mini if the price per gallon ever falls below $2.89, and I haven't had to buy snacks this month for the kindergarten class on my grocery run.

So I don't make enough money to put up with some of the stuff I put up with. I do it because I like books. I would marry books if books were in love with me, too. You know why? They don't talk back. All their words are contained between pretty pictures.

I wouldn't marry Danielle Steele books, though. I don't love them.

(OMG, in making this confession, I glanced up to look at my Tool Man sitting here next to me - the one who is reaching around the screen and pretending to type on my computer keyboard and saying, "They'll think you're drunk! They'll think you're drunk at 9 a.m., and wonder what it is you're talking about!" - to which I responded, "I think they may think that already, and if I were drunk and typing this, I'd be telling them I loved them and wondering if they wanted to sleep with me and bending over so they could see my assets." - and I realized "OMG! I'm already married to a book!")

Anyway, I don't make enough to put up with attitude. I've got enough of my own, thanks. Minimum wage buys you a ton. So to the lady who called me stupid yesterday? Thanks. I planned to give you excellent customer service after you asked me a question and I told you we didn't have the product you were desiring. I didn't even roll my eyes secretly when you rephrased your question and thought you could trick me into changing my answer. I'm above such antics.

Until I get called "stupid." Then I am done. Thanks for giving me your bad day. Thanks for stooping to name calling for no reason.Thanks for showing your kids how to treat people. It makes cashing my tiny little check every Friday so rewarding.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

OK.

This is the best I have today, People I'd Sleep With If I Was Drunk. Please don't secretly roll your eyes at me behind my back. Now I'm off for a bit to enjoy a few hours with my husband before he leaves for the next five days, have Chinese for lunch (a little extra in that paltry paycheck last week! Woo hoo!), and prep for an early out play date this afternoon. This involves making cupcakes in case you were wanting to come over, too. If you bring drinks, I may show you the finger quotes - cupcakes - finger quotes.

Sure.

Now, show me the love.

Just don't call me stupid!

Labels:

25 Comments:

Blogger Desmond Jones said...

You'd sleep with me if you were drunk? Really?

What are you - stupid?

(damn it!)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 10:51:00 AM  
Blogger cat said...

I think most people who sell books for a living dislike Danielle Steele books. It's in our blood. :)

Gas was $3.94 a gallon in Orlando.. at least I am pretty sure it was 3.94. And the entire time I was trying to figure out what that would translate to in Canadian (per litre... and you know I can't. So I gave up caring and just sat back in my Disney Bus and enjoyed my vacation!)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I don't sell books for a living, merely read them voraciously and spend waaaaay too much money on them. But, I promise, I'll let you sleep with them, and never call you stupid, if I can see the cupcakes.

And Danielle Steele- I haven't figured out who buys them, cuz no one will confess to liking them, or even reading them. Perhaps you have insight into this mystery, working as you do for the bookseller that doesn't pay enough?

Hmmm? It's what I need to know now- Who buys Danielle Steele?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

I cannot imagine anyone EVER calling you stupid!

In my perfect life I am independently wealthy and spend all my days completely engrossed in a book.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

I'm afraid, if someone ever called me stupid while I was trying to help them, that would be the day I would be both fired, and arrested for assualt and battery. Seriously. I have no tolerance for people like that these days. NONE.

ps..if you show me your "cupcakes" I'll show you my "cupcakes"
stacie

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

The bookstore life is probably much like the library life -- of course, at the library, they expect stellar customer service because their "tax dollars" are paying for it. And they can walk out with 100 books for free, which they may or may not return with bits of weed in the pages.

"Do you have that book by that one guy? I think it had a green cover."

or

"Where ya'all keep yer mag-zines?"

or

"I've got a 40-page report on World War II due tomorrow morning. You got anything about World War II?"

When all else fails, show 'em your cupcakes. That's what I say.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 1:06:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

Wait - what are cupcakes? Do I have cupcakes? Cause if I do, I think I have nice cupcakes.

I think stupid is a stupid word. I can't believe people use it.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 1:16:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

That makes my blood boil. Why is it that people assume you're stupid just because you didn't give them the answer that they wanted? Technically that makes you smart - cause at least you could answer the question!

But don't let me rant on about how people treat other people, there's just not enough room in the comment box :-)

And I would happily get drunk with you at 9am if cupcakes were involved (real cupcakes though - I've get my own set of the air quote cupcakes)!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 1:56:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

You and your cheap gas... we're paying around $3.50 a gallon here.

You should have pointed out to the woman that if *you* were stupid and *she* is asking you for help, what does that make her?!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 5:35:00 PM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

again no words to add, but wanted to say hi and hope I could make the list. :)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 5:51:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

2.89 for gas? nice. we're over 3 bucks.

dude, when that woman called you stupid you shoulda said "takes one to know one!" I don't know-when name calling is pulled out i revert to a 12 year old little girl.

You shoulda kicked her ass right there in between the psychology books and the cooking/recipe books.

what kinna chinese didja eat? cream of some young guy. *snort* sorry. that was the 12 year old boy in me who said that one.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 5:52:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I work with brainless people that have a voice box but I'm lucky enough not to have to deal with customers who are "always right". The people I deal with are attorneys and I can be as bitchy as I want. Actually, I can be bitchy to my co-workers too so I think I'm reasonably happy! :o)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 7:34:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Oh yeah, I was gonna CUSTOMER SERVICE/RETAIL SUCKS!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 7:36:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Check out this blog whose all about people getting revenge.

http://www.retailhellunderground.com/

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 7:37:00 PM  
Blogger Bunny said...

First, I can't believe someone was so rude. Second, in front of kids??? Not that it wasn't bad enough anyway, but one definitely shouldn't be rude in front of kids (her own or anyone else's).

Don't you wish you could just ban people from the store when they act like that? Hang their picture in the entryway, have alarms go off when they enter, and have a couple big bouncer dudes to toss them on out on their butts?

Thursday, February 28, 2008 6:36:00 AM  
Blogger Melody said...

I just paid over $3.00 per gallon for the first time on Tuesday, and I'm pretty broken up about it.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 7:27:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Des - To be fair, by ratio of drinking to sleeping with someone is small. I mixed my drinks, but not the other. And now? Talking too much!

Cat - I think they also have a marginal dislike of Nora Roberts as well. Maybe that's just me!

Sailor - You should get a job in a bookstore! Discounts, baby! And, truth be told, I do sleep with books. I tend to let them smack me around a bit, too. At least, they're always falling down in my face and waking me up when I fall asleep reading them.

As for the Danielle Steele readers. Most try to find out what section of the store she's in (fiction) and then never ask again. If we happen upon them while they're browsing, they avoid eye contact or scurry away. Most are older womer.

Phyllis - I know, right? It was, to say the least, very surprising to me.

I have a huge, huge stack of books mocking me in my house right now, just waiting for me to become independently wealthy.

Stacie - I was so surprised by it, and yet had to keep helping her (yep, she still wanted to carry on and ask me more questions) that I figured the best I could do is take it out anonymously among people who would stand up in arms with me!

Oh, and I added my cupcakes up there for you! Your turn!

FTN - I'd lose it in a library. Lose it. But it's good to know I'd be well prepared for the same questions we get at the bookstore:

"I'm looking or a book..."
"I was here six months ago and you had this one book. It was red. It was over there."
"No, my paper is due tomorrow morning, I need it tonight"
"Can you help me find a book for my son who is 12 and doesn't like to read and I don't know what he likes?" (which I got last week and then was left just randomly pulling things off shelves to end the transaction)

The cupcakes are armed and ready.

RS - You know. Cupcakes. Cupcake Cupcakes.

And stupid is a stupid word. We don't allow it to be used in my house, and I can't imagine even applying it to another person.

Mandy - That's exactly what I thought. It wasn't like I was making up things to get her out of my world.

Come over anytime! There are cupcakes leftover and, even if I say so myself, they're delicious!

Michael - Makes her super stupid, ha! I'll try now to be super happy when I'm filling up my gas tank. Everyone else seems to have it much worse than me!

Ed - You can leave any words, anytime, sir!

kimmy - I thought about engaging her in a full on slap fight, but there were kids around and who am I to corrupt a kid!? Then I wanted to dance around her, all "I know you are, but what am I?" and "I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces offa me and sticks to you! Pffft!"

'Cause you and me? We're super classy like that!

My Chinese? I had a serving of One Hung Man. Oh, that's hilarious!! That's my inner 12 year old boy. His name's Seth. Say hi to Kimmy, Seth. Hi, Kimmy!

Bee - In that respect, you have a dream job! I bet you don't have secret shoppers, which is even more cool! Thanks for the website link, too. I killed some time on that last night, and they took so many words right out of my mouth!

Bunny - One night, when it was slow, a coworker and I concocted an entire scenario to ban rude customers from our store. It involved sirens, large man-eating tigers tethered to the entrances, bars descending from the ceiling and a team of employees to mock them. It was a very slow night!

Melody - Goodness! I'm broken up for you. We're so close to over $3/gallon now, though, that I'm hardly going anywhere these days.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

You would think that people would understand that if they want something, a cool smile, a look directly into the eyes, and a polite word will get them what they want...when you start calling people who are HELPING you names, you are in for a giant bad day.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 9:28:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

You crack me up! One Hung Man?? LMAO! I haven't heard those in years. Oh wait, Hubs still says shit like that! lol Cracks me up!

As for that lady, well i don't have any defense for her. Just that she's an idiot and has no class! You on the the other hand madam, have the classiest cupcakes ever!!

Thursday, February 28, 2008 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

It only takes one person with their stupid attitude (that's right, I said it) to ruin a day.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 2:05:00 PM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

There's some kind of joke waiting to be made here about Hostess Cupcakes and the hostess' cupcakes.

(crickets)

Yeah, I'm glad that didn't occur to me, either.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 3:53:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Bogart - I can deduct points for a person's bad day, but I know that even in my worst days, I've not been rude to anyone who've I've sought out for help. I guess I take things like that for granted in the world I function in a few hours a week.

Choppzs - You're so kind! My cupcakes and I thank you. So does One Hung Man!

Melissa - My sentiments exactly!

Twobusy - It's those kind of jokes that get me everytime!

Friday, February 29, 2008 7:36:00 AM  
Blogger Scarlett Wanna Be said...

Sooo....uhhhh....we should probably never get drunk together.

Who called you stupid?! I will twist their nipples off and use them as earrings!

Friday, February 29, 2008 8:49:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Your cupcakes look delicious. So very, very pale--I might love pale cupcakes!

Spicoli loves to do the same shit to me when I'm on the computer, especially when I'm chatting--ha, but you already know this. a;ljdajpwoejapojpoabn men, grrrr.

Friday, February 29, 2008 1:32:00 PM  
Blogger justlori2day said...

Tell him he is high if he thinks we will think that you are drunk. Or hell, instead, lets just get drunk! I could use tying one on - is that even how you spell that? Pretend I am drunk and it will look right!

So is this lady maybe related to the I.D.I.O.T. with the weird child who had to poop in an overly academic way? Or the one who changed a diaper in the aisle?

Oy, you get winners!

BTW, if you do book a spa brunch will you call me? I will give you my number! :)~

lo


** for the record, this is the 4th time I am trying your super secret "keep the creepies" out secret code! maybe I am drunk!

Friday, February 29, 2008 10:40:00 PM  

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