...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

i can feel it coming in the air tonight

To the inventors of medicine, I would like to extend my greatest thanks. Your healing powers, the ones I am now starting to bask in after sucking up the co-pay to see a doctor and pleading for potions that would make me feel better, are beginning to take hold, and the light I see at the end of this long illness no longer involves my grandparents waving me over to the great beyond with promises of quarters and M&M's.

I love you, medicine inventors. I'd kiss you, but I'm probably still a carrier. So, just close your eyes and imagine Please don't touch me in places reserved for the down there doctor, though. I love you, but I'm not going all the way with you. Unless you approach me after I've downed my afternoon codeine cocktail. Then we'll have to see how things play out. Just ask my husband. I'm pretty sure my virulent love germs are what gave my Tool Man the vapors two days ago, thus marking the opening ceremonies of the "Ohhh, my body aches and I've got a fever-lympics" at my house. Games include tissue tossing, bucket hurdles, and endurance whining. The torch isn't snuffed until the last person pukes on it.

Thank you all for the get well wishes and Ferris quotes. I actually missed the majority of the television broadcast Monday because I was able to get a morning doctor's appointment. Here's a tip to getting those. Call as soon as the office opens. Begin crying as soon as you get a live voice. Yes, I can be there at 9 a.m.! Thank you, gracious lady who serves at the gateway between me and the doctor. Thank you.

Eventually I'll have a real post that doesn't involve me whining or talking about eggs. I can't promise that I'll not be quoting from movies I love, though, so don't expect miracles. I am the girl who cranked more than 30 comments out of a post about Dennis DeYoung, after all.

In the meantime, I'd like to extend my thanks to the person who found my blog via a search for "farting contests and cool moms." My kids will be packed and waiting on the front steps, bloated and ready to impress, within 20 minutes of getting home from school today. I'll toss in the Tool Man at no additional charge. I look forward to clearing the air, and allowing our non-existent dog to rest easy, not having to shoulder so much blame.

Additionally, thank you to the person whose multiple Google searches for "Bigfoot stalking near homes" keeps them coming back to me. Like I need that stress! It's bad enough I fear Bigfoot, but now I have to fear when the hairy beast shows up, he's going to be bringing a friend. I'm under enough stress right now as it is.

Except it will all be better soon. Just like me, because right now, it's time for my medicine. I've been thinking things over as I write this, and I think I will, in fact, go all the way with the inventor of codeine. Would someone please do a Google search and find out who that is so I can let them know? Fingers crossed it's not Bigfoot. Fingers and toes crossed it's not a farting Bigfoot.

Labels:

18 Comments:

Blogger Melody said...

I had someone recently find me by googling 'fart monkey hamburger'. I can't for the life of me figure out why...

Some things are probably best left unknown, I'm sure...

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Pierre-Jean Robiquet. He's French, so good luck with that. Plus, he's been dead for like 150 years.

Glad you are feeling better. Hope you can kick the addiction. I'd hate to see you selling yourself on the streets for your next codeine high.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Ewwwww, does that mean that fadkog is going to be going all the way with a corpse?

I'm sooooo not into necrophilia, I hope you don't post on this one. ick.

Glad though, that the medicine-inventors invention is helping.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Well, dang, I was just thinkin' that you should've used 'My body's achin' and my time is at hand' for your tag line. . .

'Cuz, see, I can do the James Taylor lyrics, too. . .

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

I also think you should invest in some Beano and then that inventor would be a happy camper too!!! lol

Shit...wait...I invented Beano, does that mean i get to score?? lol

P.S. Farting's HOT!

hehehehe

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 5:09:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

ftn lies. I invented codeine. I have small feet, and a bottle of Beano, so we're good to go.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 5:55:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

codeine rocks when you're sick.
or not.

i hope you feel better. i mean, are you dying?

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 8:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Dude, you so have to watch kicking it old school just because there is a re-occurrence of the character, Cameron Frye.... That and the tons of eighties references and old-school fun like toys....
Contagion or not I still lust that which is you!

As fuzzy as I am I am sure there is sasquatch in the family bloodline....

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 9:14:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I told somebody we should sacrifice a pair of shoes to the chemical deities that invented Vicodin. We can throw an extra pair for you if you want. ;o)

Glad you're feeling better!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 10:28:00 PM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Farting bigfoot = skunk ape. I saw a special about it on some cable station last week. It's a scientific fact. (Kind of.)

Thursday, April 03, 2008 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

I need to make my blog viewable/searchable via the search engines. It seems like those who do have so much fun.

Thursday, April 03, 2008 8:17:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Enjoy the codine fog - it's not as pretty on the other side. But feel better soon!

Thursday, April 03, 2008 2:56:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Melody - I think 'fart monkey hamburger' is the newest burger they're trying to sell at Hardee's this month. Cheese is 10 cents extra!

FTN - Around 2 a.m., just hours after my last hit on the codeine, I was in bed, coughing, shaking and wondering if it was too soon to go down and get another hit. I caved. French dudes totally make me do that.

Sailor - Blech! I can be pretty gross sometimes, but I'm not going to ever have a thing for the long dead. Well, I mean, except for my never-ending love for Michael Hutchence!

Des - I'm not as down with the James Taylor lyrics. I can do a few Carly Simon, though. I know. Not the same, but close enough.

"Mock (yeah)"

"...ing (yeah)"

"bird (yeah)"

"yeah (yeah)"

Choppzs - Well, well, well, Heather! Let's get it on!

Biscuit - Might you be in that nurse's uniform still? Rawr!

kimmy - They should totally bottle up this codeine.

Wait a minute! They DID bottle up this codeine! Delish...

I'm getting better, one 2 tsp. dosage at a time. Miss you!

Savage - Dude, where exactly is it you're fuzzy?

Bee - Would the gods be as giving to me if I were to sacrifice a pair of my sensible shoes?

Twobusy - Because I totally get approximately 83 percent of my smarts from television, I don't doubt you at all about this Skunk Ape.

Bogart - Doing so opens you up to a world of scary, yet humorous delights out there.

Mandy - Are you saying I should definitely get a refill on this bottle, whether I need it or not?!

Thursday, April 03, 2008 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Just keep downing that liquid codeine baby! Bigfoot will be the last thing on your mind. Now, pass the bottle. Please...

Saturday, April 05, 2008 1:28:00 AM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

without reading any of the fourteen comments already left, I am guessing that AT LEAST ten of them are from people claiming to have invented codeine....or at the very least, some expensive initials after their name to prescribe some ;)

Saturday, April 05, 2008 5:39:00 PM  
Blogger Southern Gentleman said...

In case you want the "real facts" on Bigfoot populations in the US, try this: http://www.bfro.net/GDB/

Codeine inventor? With all that Bigfoot activity going on, the invention of codeine just seems insignificant, don't you think?

Saturday, April 05, 2008 11:36:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - I had a codeine-fueled dream that I was married to a Big Foot, but then I was supa excited, yo, cause you know what they say about unsubstantiated creatures with big feet!

1blueshi1 - Ah! Interesting thought, but alas, no one up there wanted to share my germs! The nerve!

Southern Gentleman - AHHH! I got this just before going to bed last night, and I looked at it! And I found that my county has the second highest Bigfoot sightings for my state!!! Granted, they were all nearly 30 years ago, but still, from now on, when I wake up in the middle of the night now, I'll no longer look out my bedroom window to see what might be going on under the street lights!

Sunday, April 06, 2008 9:47:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Well, they were married for a while. . .

Monday, April 07, 2008 10:27:00 AM  

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