'you know, i'm getting input here that i'm reading as relatively hostile'
Wow! I planned to respond to each of you who very kindly extended birthday greetings to me in the post below, but apparently, the Internet is filled with very nice people (and one really lame dude, but blech...I mean bygones...), which probably explains why I sometimes have a hard time keeping a connection in the morning. As a result, please accept this as my thanks to all of you who commented, sent emails, or tweeted your good wishes to me. Each one was truly appreciated.
You're probably wondering how my birthday was. If I could sum it up in one word, that word would be "meh," which is the theme my family chose to recognize this one day of the year. The following is a list - in no particular order - of those who wished me a happy birthday before anyone in my family did, including my two children who, if I recall correctly, I gave life to on what I believe could be called a 'birth day':
- My insurance agent
- Dairy Queen
- Macaroni Grill
- Cold Stone Creamery
- my state's lottery office
- a former boyfriend
- a college friend
- all of you
- my dentist
What's funny - to me, at least - is I don't eat out that much, nor do I play the state lottery, so their well wishes were quite special to me. So was the birthday greeting from my dentist, which arrived via text message. With a smiley face emoticon. Awesome!
By noon Saturday, I expected to arrive home to find Jake Ryan perched atop my kitchen table, leaning over a flaming birthday cake, and encouraging me to make a wish. By 7 p.m., it was clear there wasn't going to be a birthday cake. Instead, my Tool Man made a hasty retreat (a strategic move for someone seeking safe harbour)(hold up! harbour? did I just totally turn Canadian there for a second? awesome!) and returned 45 minutes later with a tray of store-bought brownies. FYI? They didn't taste that great. In fact, they tasted a little bitter.
And I realize I, too, perhaps taste a little bitter after this experience. It's because of that I hesitate telling you that I spent a huge chunk of the weekend not talking to Tool Man. "Are you a baby or are you 41?" you might be muttering. Sadly, I can totally act like a baby sometimes. Sometimes. Not often. Because I know it's lame.
Besides, Tool Man had the nerve to trick me into talking him when I got home last night from a coffee date with a friend by asking me if I had a good time, and dammit! I totally answered him!
And then I may or may not have had one of those awful leftover store-bought brownies.
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It's at this point in the week where I normally would have a totally new post, but I'm trying out this new thing where I go to bed before the next day kicks in and try to read these new-fangled things I hear they're calling "books." For the most part, this plan would be totally awesome were it not for the fact my body is saying it, too, wants to try something out and thus wakes up at 4 a.m. - always 4 a.m. - every morning. Then, for the next couple hours, my body and my mind lay together in bed in an unholy union and then my mind wanders all over the place and my body is all, "Oh, yeah? Well, check this out! My head is killing me and wow! You should have told her to take me to the doctor immediately after we fell down the stairs a few months ago, because seriously? I fear she's going to take a hatchet to her right leg soon if we don't get this crippling problem fixed."
And then maybe one of the kids gets up to puke, or Tool Man saws down a couple big trees and tosses the limbs on the fire that is his personal body furnace, and really all I end up with in my goal of going to bed earlier to wake up a nicer, well-rested, more refreshed version of me is exactly that. But bitchier.
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So...well...if my Mom read my blog ("What's a blog? Something where you tell intimate details of your life to strangers? On the Internet? Why would you do that? I didn't raise you to talk about your sex life on the computer!"), it would be at this point where she'd say, "Well. Aren't you little Miss Princess Sunshine today!" and then I would scowl at her and she'd ask me why I was so grumpy, and I'd be, "Duh! Didn't you just read my blog?!", and then I'd storm off, down a couple aspirins, take a shower and get ready for yet another exciting day making book recommendations to people who have no idea what they like to read (which is another reason why I'm trying to dig through more books). Because this has been nothing but a bitchy post, I apologize. I'll do better next time. Truly, all of you out there in the Internet (except that one lame dude) are totally amazing, and once again, I thank you. I'll catch up with you soon. Perhaps around 4 a.m.
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 9:00 AM
53 Comments:
Wait, 4 am in the I-A is 5 am here, right? Dude, don't lie in bed with your furnace guy and fret and be bitchy all alone - CALL ME. I'm totally up. We can be bitchy together! Seriously, the power we could harness if we combined this bitchiness? We'd totally fix the economy and overturn Prop 8 and probably end world hunger in like 3 days, just with our wrath. Seriously, what's stopping you?
I'm sorry you had a sucky birthday. Feel free to bitch away about it. You've got the right.
Eh, most of my birthdays have sucked, too. Put on the JoBros one more time and dance naked around the room. It may not help, but it couldn't hurt.
Well, at least a bunch of geeks didn't pay 5 bucks to see your underwear at the school dance.
So, here's where I get all Judas-y paranoid about your 'one lame guy', and ask, all nervous-like. . .
"It's not me, is it?"
:S
That bites. Go buy yourself something special. I always do that on my birthday JUST IN CASE nothing else happens. It's a coping mechanism and it works!
Yeah, birthdays suck. The best I can offer is comiseration. Happy Monday instead!
Not to belabor the obvious, but you have nothing to apologize for. In fact, it seems pretty clear that there are some who need to apologize to you for not taking a few hours out of their busy lives to say, "We love you. Happy birthday." There are 364 other days a year when they can take you for granted. Saturday? Was supposed to be for you.
I've been looking for a good book - got any suggestions?
Kidding!!!! Sorry your birthday sucked. I'd be a big baby about it too. And add me to your 4 AM conference call.
There is just too much pressure to have fun on one's birthday. That's why I tend to celebrate it all week long.
Damn. See what happens when I take a weekend off? I missed your birthday, putting me firmly at the end of the pack. Had I known, I totally would have gone to the store and gotten chips ahoy cookies to commemorate the day...and also to make sure that I actually did a worse job than Tool Man. Meh.
Awww... what a little....bugger!!!!
Sorry about that!
Happy (belated) Birthday!
Well, now he is going to have the whole month of December to make it up to you. Plus, maybe you'll get a little extra from Santa.
I think the birthday rules state that if you get store bought brownies instead of home-baked cake, you're not only allowed to bitch about it, but the next time you make something really extravagant yourself, you're allowed to REFUSE to share it with the rest of your family.
That might even be a law...
4 a.m. is fine with me, I'm probably up anyway.
I generally like to pretend my birthdays don't happen anymore. My husband goes to Wal-mart early the morning of my birthday and purchases the requisite cards from him and from each of the kids. You'd think since I make cards he might plan ahead a little. Sadly, no.
Sorry 'bout the birthday bummer. I don't recall even having a birthday this year. Oh wait, it was 3 months ago. Mine must have sucked too.
Just picked up "The Gone-Away World" by Nick Harkaway this weekend. It's pretty cool so far.
Mean people suck. If I had a truck I'd run them over.
But I have a car. So I'll just drag them.
My husband is not only the worst about birthdays - he also SUCKS at Mother's Day.
I'm sorry about your B-Day. I can completely empathize about how much it sucks to have certain birthday related expectations come crashing down to earth with a hollow thud.
After Mother's Day this year, my sisters and I decided we were all going to go away for a spa day or something. Screw 'em.
Let's face it. Birthdays just blow. Lot like New Years - all talk, no game.
I would have sent a cake had I known. If you could just get used to 4am think of all the stuff you could get done.
Sorry your bday wasn't good, that's no fun.
I do have a truck, so when PAPA's done with the drag...
Man, that WAS a bitchy post. Geez. Obviously, the clown I sent did NOTHING to help. What'd he do, poop in your brownies?
I'm kidding. You know I love you. Not quite in the same way as Creepy Guy, but, hey.
What I really wanted to know was this: Did your grandma feel you up? Because she's right. They ARE getting so perky!
So sorry the day wasn't special, and fun for you.
Add me to the PAPA and goodfather team, I'll bring the follow-up truck...
The odd bitchy post is more than fine!
I can understand the whole 4am syndrome. Not easy.
If I could awake at 4am, and ACTUALLY feel refreshed? I would do my reading then. Or raid the kids Haloween candy.
Sorry the birthday was meh. In my experience, they usually are.
There's almost no way that an ordinary day can live up to the expectation of being special (which you know it must be, 'cause YOU were born on that day), and therefore, we (almost) always end up disappointed.
Did that make sense?
Sorry your birthday sucked. We should have had a Twitter party! My husband failed to acknowledge my birthday last January and he received nothing from my mouth other than snide verbal remarks abut the fact he forgot my birthday until Mother's Day. Mother's Day he came through with a 32gig Ipod Touch. Now it's all good. Until January at least. ;-)
dude, your mom sounds just like mine!
Dang it! I can't believe I forgot to stop by and wish you happy birthday. But if it makes you feel better, be as bitchy in your posts as you want. We'll understand. What are internet friends for? I mean, it's not like we can actually hear your whining and screaching. :o)
I love you, anyway.
I'm up half an hour after you. But I still lust you and stuff.... bitchy or nor....
I whined copiously on my birthday this year (it was equally full of nothing) and I got the ultimate smackdown from a blog troll. It was fun!
I think I'm swearing off birthdays. Wanna join me?
*running finger across throat while making that slashy sound*
just know that JACK (both of them) would never forget you or your special day. me either for that matter.
tool man? dead to me.
Sounds like a normal birthday in my house, I dunno what your problem is.
Seriously though, that sucks royally. You know what ya do next year? You make yourself a cake, take yourself to the spa and buy yourself a gift. Make them all feel guilty.
My mother says the same thing about my blog. Then complains that she knows nothing about my life. Hello...read my blog??
Oh, honey, I missed your birthday! I have been unplugging Friday, Saturday and Sunday in an attempt to hang out with my family and what did it cost me? I'll tell you what it cost me. It cost me the chance to drive to your house, hide myself inside that birthday cake and just after Jake tells you to make a wish and just before you say that it already came true I would come crashing out of your cake. How happy would you be? I'm hoping you don't have one of those glass tables because all the frosting would just make it so slippery. Happy Belated Birthday!
Wow, we have the same broken 4 a.m. alarm clock. I keep trying to throw the damn thing away.
Sometimes Tylenol p.m. is my very best friend.
Sorry I missed your birthday. If I wish you HB now will I still beat some of your family?
Happy Birthday anyway? Or not so much?
Here's a good read if your into over-anylizing every thing, which I am. "The Year of Living Biblically." Holy crap, what a great book. And I thought I over analyzed things. But I have read every word on every page. Ridiculous.
Dude, that's weird. It's like we've got this unexplainable psychic Sixteen Candles brain connection today.
And ya know what there babe? You have every right to be pissy. That's a crap birthday. I've had those kind of birthdays and all I can say is, turnabout is fair play.
Feel better soon. I hope you get some rest and some good book time. Also, I love book recommendations. Feel free to make a list for me.
Hug and kiss.
On a scale of 1 to 10 you go to 11.
Does that make up for me being lame?
Er...wait...were you even talking about me?
Word Verification: "Sureegal", which could be short for "surreal gal" which is you, "sure regal", which is also you, or "Sue Reg all", which just sounds like great advice: that dude is loaded.
You know, I'm a grown up and all, and don't really expect a big to-do with my birthday anymore. But a freaking cake purchased without me telling anyone to do it would be nice, wouldn't it? Are we asking too much?
That is a sucky birthday. And I absolutely do the exact same thing, pout and throw out the cold shoulder when I feel I've been wronger. Learning to discuss my feelings is kidna tough...
That being said, hope things got better, but you hold onto your funk as long as you like. It helps to just wallow in it.
you can call me when you're up at 4am. we can be little miss princess sunshines together ;)
They effing forgot your birthday! They were supposed to get you a pink Trans Am and you were supposed to have sex on a cloud without getting pregnant or herpes. (You could have a black one though, if you want. A black Tran Am, I mean). :)
But you're still funny when you're fussed, so bitch away!!!
I think you should buy yourself a great cake and not let anyone else have any!
BTW, I am almost always up at 4am with a baby who wants a bottle. You know if you want to chat, or wats reruns of Roseanne with me on the phone.
Phew! I just went back threw yesterday's post to make sure I wished you a happy birthday - and I did!
You're allowed to bitch about the day you had...that IS why we blog, right?
word verification is "fucolz"
say it slowly and that sounds like something you'd say to Tool Man after a crappy brownie.
Wait Blog doesn't stand for bitch-log? I may have totally missed the point.
Oh and is it creepy that your dentist has your cell number and texts you? No?
My birthdays are always a little meh, too. Probably because my parents always forgot (and still do)! I'm not bitter, though.
BTW, my mom HAS started to read my blog. I don't mind so much. But she asked if she could give it to my GRANDPARENTS!
And I was all, "Ummmmmmmmmmmm......
No."
(Bet that made you smile.)
Your dentist? Wow.
every year I cry on my goddammed birthday. EVERY YEAR!! I tell everyone it's no big deal, to do nothing, and they BELIEVE ME. jesus.
And, damn that man for forcing you to talk to him. that bastard.
Sorry about the bitter brownies. There's nothing worse than a bad brownie, unless it's a bad birthday.
My mom didn't raise me to talk about my sex life on the internet either....
but sometimes it's fun.
waltz - I may be awake, but I'm not sure my bitchy mind could help conquer the world!
therese - That might give away my feeble grip on reality!
always home - Oh, it would help. Believe me. It would help, indeed...
tattooedminivanmom - Only worth it if I got a cut of the profits!
Des - You're totally good with me!
kimandco - I've got my eye on a little something, believe me!
heather - I'm willing to take any and all sympathy!
twobusy - Will you marry me?
cocotte - I'm amassing a suggestion list I'd be glad to share at 4 a.m.!
prefers her fantasy life - Lord, I like your idea, but the big ball would be dropped big time here!
stiletto mom - Chewy Chips Ahoy. Yes, please!
christina lee - I know, right?! Thanks!
undomestic diva - Thank you, dear!
bee - Oh, that's a nice thought, but history is against me!
michael - That rule is why no one is getting any of my Cold Stone ice cream!
heather - I don't know who will never learn first, us or them.
kaila - I'm adding your book suggestion to my list to check out!
papa - Mmm..violence makes special events go around!
dcd - I am so onboard with a spa idea. I'm passing it on to Tool Man, then doing it myself!
dc urban dad - Totally correct, sir!
heinous - I'd plow through a lot more books, that's for sure!
goodfather - You men are like knights!
ftn - awe, I adore you! Let it be known Dumps was the best part of the birthday. I highly recommend Dumps.
sailor - You all know how I like trucks!
chris - Some days, I'm all about the bitchy!
ES - I totally understood you, and you're right!
seriously mama - Heh...things worked out well for you! Fingers crossed here!
churchpunkmom - I don't know whether to extend my sympathies or my joy!
phyllis - The good thing about me when I'm bitchy is the fantastic silent treatment I give! Win-win for all of you!
savage - and who could be bitchy around you? ;)
aunt becky - A troll smackdown? For real? Sheesh. I may be in with you.
kimmy - You damn well know Jack (both of them) would stop saving and surviving just for me! Also, oh, how I miss the slashy sound!
madwoman - The great thing is my Mom doesn't read my blog! Yeah for me!
steenky bee - My kitchen table is all hardwood, baby! Get your cake jumpin' self on board!
laggin - You would so totally beat some of my family if you were to tell me happy birthday now!
merecat - I've actually had that book here before, but had to return it to work. It remains on my list. I love the idea. Have you read his book about reading through the encyclopedia?
blissfully - I'm still waiting for the rest. I might get it if I stopped plotting revenge!
BP Dad - If there's one thing you aren't (at least in my mind) it's lame. Stay gold, BP Dad...
Heather - Are we asking too much? Um, hell no!
Meg - Tool Man's Jedi mind tricks have forced me out of my funk, but I feel it can kick it at any time!
ali - I love you, Little Miss Princess Sunshine!
Madame Queen - Oh, how your comment made me smile last night! Love it!
biscuit - That I could be as cute as you when I'm being this way, though.... :)
tuesday girl - Roseanne reruns are on then? If they were the good episodes, I should just get up!
swirl girl - Heh...turst that 'fucolz' will find a regular spot in my vocabulary!
mandy lou - Oh! You're right! I totally need to start bitching here more!
weirdgirl - I absolutely smiled! My Mom, heaven help her, would kill me with her eyes if she were to hang out here!
creative-type dad - I know, right? He's a really good dentist, though!
vodka mom - I curse Tool Man's successful attempts at being nice to me!
real live lesbian - Actually, my Mom would probably be more horrified at the number of times I've written of vibrators here, so it's a win-win she doesn't know I do this!
My husband turns 41 next tues. I am taking notes... no bitter brownies!
I'm sorry it was meh.
Next year turn it around to read A-hem!
Tool man? Boys? You know what to do.
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