I'm gonna put on 'the thong song' and we'll tear this place apart

See that title up there? I've had it languishing in my Blogger account for more than a year. I remember hearing it somewhere, 'shushing' anyone who wished to speak to me, as I repeated it over and over in my head while I searched wildly for a piece of paper and pen to jot it down in my serial killer penmanship and one day use it as the title of a blog post. Apparently, I must have wanted to write something about how wild and kooky my life is, and thought referencing thongs would be a great jumping off point.

A couple problems with that. First, I don't wear thongs (I have shockingly used the word "panties" or "underwear" on this blog 24 times. Actually, that seems really low when you consider I have more than 300 posts up. Either way, you're welcome.)

The second problem is I don't have a wild and kooky life. Shocked? I know. It happens. Learning this is like finding out there's no Santa Claus. I just ask that you keep that information to yourselves because I have at least one kid who still believes those boxes of toys under the Christmas tree have been made by elves, and who cares if they've been made by Target elves, m'kay?

So, anyway, I thought I'd tell you about my weekend. Here goes: I cleaned, took my sons out for Happy Meals, and read a couple book. Oh, and are you sitting down? I made banana bread!

"Wow. You're really living the dream. The rock star life must be super tiring," you're probably saying, to which I'd respond, "Word. You have no idea. Plus, this time change thing is really screwing me up."

Yeah. That's exciting.

Lacking the fodder, I thought maybe I'd write a post about the Google search words that drive people to my blog. I always like those when I read them elsewhere. You all get some great keyword searches. You know what I get?

• "My wife dresses me in panties"
• "Can I borrow your panties?"
• "I'd like to get inside your panties"

A lot of my other search strings are quite pornographic, using words I pretend I don't say, but when my Mom's not around, I use a lot. Some of them are scary pornographic. When you think fetishes and monkey porn, rest assured I'm the first thing to cross your mind! Also, a lot of people really mangle up some Duran Duran lyrics and then land on my blog. However, that's not my point. My point is do you see what happens when you mention panties in excess of 20 times (although I think credit for that second example really rests with my raging love for "Sixteen Candles" and not so much with underpants), and now I've tossed "thong" into the mix.

Anyway, long story short, I am devoid of blog fodder today. I've probably been devoid of fodder for quite awhile now and you're all just far too nice to tell me. The point of this pointless post, though, is I got to use the line I've had sitting around for more than a year AND I've added to my panty post count at the same time. Stellar.

I'm going to go eat some banana bread now. While not wearing a thong. Yeah, I really know how to tear this place up. Totally living the dream. Feel free to go all crazy in the comments.

P.S. Speaking of going wild, I'm thinking of going to go see Hanson when they play here later this week. If you say you don't like "Mmmbop" you're a damn dirty liar. Also, Taylor grew up super hot, and I have a lot of panties to toss.

P.P. S. My birthday is coming up in less than two weeks if you want to start planning accordingly. Woo hoo!