...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

'a fool could see just how much i adore you...'

Last Sunday night, my Tool Man and I capped off the weekend at our small group gathering. As you might remember from last week, we're in the midst of a sermon series about strengthening marriages and personal relationships, and last week's topic was how we persevere during difficult times.

(btw - this week's "That's what she said!" moment came courtesy of my friend Tim, who, while sharing what his wife does to appreciate him, cheered, "I don't know what it is she's doing, but she sure knows how to rub me the right way!" It wasn't exactly as great as last week's smoked meat delight, but still! Cha-ching! Thanks for that deposit in the Bank of Awesome! Earlier in the day, Seth, my inner 14 year old boy, had been all, "But I wanna go to the mall and hang out with my friends tonight, man! Don't make me go to small group! Let me swallow this bitter pill with a chug offa that whine, dude," but as soon as Tim shared his respects, Seth totally tapped my shoulder and was all, "You're freakin' awesome, Old Lady I Live In!" and I was all, "As if you didn't already know that, Seth," and then we did this little finger wiggle high 5 thing we always end up messing up.)

As the couples around us chattered about never going to bed angry, talking openly about problems, and not holding grudges, I leaned over Tool Man, patted his knee, and whispered, "Isn't it great we've been married all this time and have never had an argument, dear?"

"Sure," my sweet talkin' man said.

"'Sure'? What do you mean 'Sure'?! Dude! We have NEVER had an argument!" I responded. If you'd seen me, you'd have totally said my gritted teeth looked like a smile.

"Honey," Tool Man whispered. "You're right. We've never had an argument."

"Oooh! Give Momma some more of that good, good stuff!" I whispered back

"You're right. You're always right," Tool Man replied.

"That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's what I like to hear!" I quietly cheered. "Also? Trust I'm never going to refer to myself as 'Momma' ever again."

"Good," Tool Man said. "And you realize, right, that we have had arguments in our marriage, don't you?"

"When? Tell me one time we've argued," I said.

It was Tool Man's turn to pat my knee. "Well, what about right now?"

"This? This is more of a discussion," I said.

"Exactly. This is how we argue. Two passive-aggressive people, just hanging out, having a little discussion, maybe getting some dinner," he said.

"You're right. You're not always right, but in this case, you're right," I said.

"Damn right, Momma," he said.

I'm sure there are some who would say arguing is good for a couple, that it can be a necessary tool in a relationship for partners to get to know each other better. I won't deny that there have been times I've tried to goad Tool Man into a cage match, but today's our 14th wedding anniversary, and if that's the reward for not arguing, then I'll take it. The dude is pretty damn awesome. Want to know why? OK, I'll tell you:
  • For putting up with the porn sounds I made while watching him clean out our garage!
  • For dancing with me in said garage once we could see the floor again. Club mix, yo!
  • Except it turned into a slow dance, with the garage door open and the cul-de-sac to see, which was awesome!
  • For giving me a kid who will run to the bus stop with me humming the Indiana Jones theme.
  • For always being my big strong man and squeezing my tuna. My can of tuna. Dude, seriously.
  • For the compassion he has for others, including our friends and the random old school celebrity.
  • For routinely taking bets on how many bites of my dinner I'll be able to take before spilling food down my chest (For the record, the average is eight).
  • For initiating me into the wacker club.

Most of all, I dig my Tool Man for standing with me, and often holding me up, during the last few years, the ones that absolutely qualify as the hardest of our marriage simply by proxy of what was going on in our lives at the time. There were countless opportunities to argue during that time, and never once did he step into that arena, and for that, there's not enough in the world I could give him to repay him.

Every night Tool Man and I have gotten into bed together (including those before we were married, but shhhh....), we've fallen asleep holding the other's hand. I'm not going to lie. That habit makes it a little hard for me to read before drifting off, and probably is to blame for the stacks of books I'm slowly working my way through, but you know what? If someone like Tool Man is going to put up with someone like me for 14 years, I'll hold his hand. I'm not going to argue with the man.

I'm also seriously never going to refer to myself as 'Momma' ever, ever again.


Labels:

57 Comments:

Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Love all the love!!

Congrats on 14 years. Sounds like you two will be holding hands for eternity! :)

Hallie

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:51:00 AM  
Blogger Will said...

Congratulations on 14 wonderful years. And here's to many more.

I think Gay Ray is going to be devastated when he reads that he isn't your numero uno.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

Porn sounds while cleanng the garage? Please run the tape recorder next time so the judges may properly evaluate your technique at a secluded location at the proper time. Thanks for playing.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Sweet post, my dear. Happy Anniversary to you both. And seriously - it only gets better, if you keep working at it. . .

Even just this morning, I was appreciating, deep within my being, the wonderfulness of waking up intertwined with the naked Molly for, I dunno, something like the 10,000th time. . .

Molly and I have had some pretty, uh, titanic arguments; that's sorta the kind of people we are. We have close friends (married longer than us) who have never had a 'fight' (but yes, they've had 'disagreements'). But I think the thing is not so much whether or not you argue, as it is that you 'fight fair', and work them thru. . .

And, on the premise that every good marriage strengthens every other marriage - Thank You. . .

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

Damn woman, you know how to write an anniversary post.

You are one hot momma.

Heh.

Congrats to you and the Toolman. Here's to many more nights of handholding and passive aggressive non-arguing.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:05:00 AM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

First of all, I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one with a Seth living in my brain.

Second, I, too, can rarely make it through dinner without ending up with food on myself.

Happy Anniversary! Keep on holding hands.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:09:00 AM  
Blogger Chas said...

Congrats. The little things like hand holding- thats the stuff of life.

My hubby and I, too, celebrated 14 years in May. His tradition for me? (among others) Every burp is followed closely by "I Love You."

But he reaches the tall cupboards for me, so I keep him around.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:13:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

I am so lovin' this Loverboy while I comment! Haven't heard that song in ages.

Happy Anniversary FADKOG! I'm in awe of the hand holding.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:17:00 AM  
Blogger Momma Trish said...

Happy anniversary!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:45:00 AM  
Blogger KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

What a great post! Happy Anniversary! We are almost to #7 and I hope for many more!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:14:00 AM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

Wow, I kinda have a crush on Tool Man now. I mean, cleaning the garage in itself is hot, but throw in porn sounds and you are speaking my language.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:27:00 AM  
OpenID abdpbt said...

Nothing says the 80s like a vintage TV set crashing against a row of amplifiers like so much trash.

Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Heinous said...

Congrats and Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

What's with all of these sappy posts??? :) :) :)
I dig them! Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Congrats!

Dr. Phil said that a man doing housework or cleaning up the garage is a turn on for some women and now I know it's true.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Claire said...

You post the best videos. I, too, live in the 80s, and am proud of it.

Congrats on a wonderful 14 years. Pretty rare these days to find someone who is still in love after this much time.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Sammanthia said...

You are one lucky woman... congratulations to the two of you for 14 years and counting.
Cheers.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger Bekah said...

you know i was browsing a book store and saw a book titled "porn for women" and Im fairly certain a guy cleaning the garage was one of the pictures so I really feel that the sound were appropriate.

very dear post.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

Happy Anniversary! Great post

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:22:00 AM  
Blogger Kori said...

I would make porn sounds for any guy who would clean anything for me, no kidding.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:33:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

Aww, y'all are so sweet!

I'm totally digging the dancing in the garage, although we do our dancing on the back patio or in the driveway... garage works, too.

Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:41:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

what a terrific tribute. And congratulations on 14 years. Sounds like you have a great relationship, and much appreciation for it as well. That makes me smile.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Wood said...

Well done on the 14 years!

(and for managing 8 bites before spilling!)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I wanted to say something sweet and sappy and congratulatory, but hearing about how you so often have a 14-year old boy inside of you is creeping me out and making me want to call the cops on you.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

And, I've probably told you before that, when I sweep the kitchen floor, Molly calls it 'foreplay'. . .

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis Renée said...

Happy, happy anniversay! Really. Cause you've got a great guy in the Tool Man. I mean, dang, he'll hold your hand AND squeeze your tuna? That's awesome!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 1:04:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

Loverboy?!?! Awesome!! FADKOG, you just made my day!!

Congrats to you and the Tool Man. Marriage is hard, but the fact that we have good guys to tough it out with makes it better.

I bet someone's getting lucky tonight! Bow chicka wow wow!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 1:38:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

Awwwwww...how sweet! I love all the love!!! :)

(another april?? what/??)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 1:51:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Anne said...

14 years? Me too!!!
I think it is the sweetest thing that you guys hold hands when you go to sleep...and also that at least every other post the thought "get a room you two" pops into my head. You can tell your are both crazy about eachother. Ah love...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 2:34:00 PM  
Blogger Andrea with the Flipflops said...

Congrats on your special day! I hope the evening brings many more porn sounds ... from the garage ... um er .... ok anywho ...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 2:59:00 PM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Ironic - but perhaps not coincidental - that your inner junior high perv is the exact same age as your marriage. Congrats on the apparent vigor and strength of both at age 14!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:07:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis Renée said...

You know, I'm a little concerned. This 14 year old boy living inside you -- are you sure he's not your twin??

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:21:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:25:00 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

Congrats on 14 years! It is so sweet that you guys fall asleep holding hands. I could never do it cause I am a total touch-me-not at night, but I find it awfully sweet when I hear about others doing things like that. Congrats again.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:59:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

In 14 years, I imagine I'll be on husband #4. But who knows.

Happy Anniversary! Hope you get some.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 4:23:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Aw. Congrats on 14 years. We just made it to 8 and we rarely fight too. But we do sometimes...usually when hubby forgets to agree with me.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 4:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Farmer Jane said...

Love this post. I wish I could get my hubby to take some sort of classes with me. He won't. We do argue and its not good. You're posts are inspiring.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 4:50:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Happy Anniversary!
We won't talk about the lack of laundry folding on this special day, but tomorrow...should you ever need an excuse to throw him in the center of the arena? I got your excuses.

Enjoy your special day!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 5:16:00 PM  
Anonymous DC Urban Dad said...

Happy 14th. The wife and I just celebrated our Ocho. I can't argue with my wife - she is an attorney. What's the point.

But when I am right I do an end zone dance.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 6:10:00 PM  
Blogger DCD said...

Happy Anniversary!!

What a great post. We get to 13 next year and I have to say the past four or so have put up more challenges than the first nine. It's work to be sure - but so worth it.

I love the 80's, but MAN, that was one weak video, Loverboy!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 6:12:00 PM  
Blogger Ms Picket To You said...

14 years in September for me and the Kid and never a passive aggressive argument once: just the full fledged dukes-out matches. go me!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 6:29:00 PM  
Blogger justlori2day said...

Happy anniversary!!!!!!!!

We do passive agressive too.. Him passive, me agressive.

I usually win.

Ok, he usually walks away, so that in my head is a win.

Happy anniversary yo!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:02:00 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

Porn sounds while cleaning the garage. Ha!

Also, how sad is it that I recognized that your video was Loverboy before it even started playing. I yelled LOVERBOY! My husband came a running down the hall (he was outside making our garage a mess)

Apparently, he thought I was talking about him when I called Loverboy. We just sat here at watched "Hot Girls in Love". Thank you for that! Bless you too. As always, I'm a hot girl in love for you.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 9:29:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Congrats on 14 years! And now arguing? Amazing, as usual, I'm in awe of your awesomeness!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:00:00 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

That's cool that it works for you that way. Thomas and I get along really well, and laugh a lot. But every 6 months or so we go through about a month of bickering that turns into HUGE fights. After the spell is over, though, it reminds me how perfectly sweet our marriage is.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:10:00 PM  
OpenID blissfullycaffeinated said...

This was an awesome post because 1) I love it when Seth makes an appearance and 2) you touched my ice cold heart.

Congrats!

Thursday, October 16, 2008 3:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Bee said...

Congrats to both of you!
And many more!!!! :o)



P.S.
Hubs and I never argue either. We have discussions on our opposing points of view. In which, at the end, we agree that I am right and he’s a big poopy head.

Thursday, October 16, 2008 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

I'm just watching the video over and over again.

Thursday, October 16, 2008 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Happy anniversary - sounds like you two made a great decision!

Thursday, October 16, 2008 2:22:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Here's to many more years of awesome...

Thursday, October 16, 2008 5:37:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

I must be completely nuts because I was positive I already left a comment here.

Congratulations on your anniversary!

Thursday, October 16, 2008 8:47:00 PM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...

That was perfect.
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008 9:19:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

To every one of you - Thank you so much for all the well wishes and comments. I appreciate it. I also would like to think that Mike Reno and the other, nameless, members of Loverboy would also appreciate the lovefest showered upon them here!

Thursday, October 16, 2008 10:31:00 PM  
Blogger Stella B said...

Happy belated anniversary!

Porn sounds for a clean garage, huh? Actually, I thought about you and your cleaning fetish last night when I was steam cleaning our carpet (Hi, Seth!)

Saturday, October 18, 2008 11:56:00 AM  
Blogger iMommy said...

Happy anniversary (belated)!!

What a wonderful thing to fall asleep holding hands after 14 years.

I am so putting that as a challenge to Hubby. Might be hard, though. We're both the kind of sleepers who hate to be touched :)

Sunday, October 19, 2008 8:35:00 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

Happy Anniversary! Awesome post!

Sorry I am so fricking late with the congrats. I've been a little behind lately. For no good reason even.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 10:00:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

My two little stragglers, thank you for coming over and extending your good wishes, too! :)

Sunday, October 26, 2008 10:51:00 PM  

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