what you gonna do with all that junk? all that junk inside your trunk?*

*and several of life's other mysteries that continue to perplex me.

• Remember when I used to blog regularly? Ah, yes. Back in the olden days. I remember the spring of 2009 fondly. Good times. Good, good times.
• Have I told you lately that I love you?
• Did you know that song was one my husband and I had performed in our wedding, which, coincidentally, also took place in the olden days?
• What is it about Frisbee golf that compels players to strip off their shirts and play bare chested? Every night when I ride my bike through our city park, I feel I must pay a cover charge and maybe order a plate of questionable nachos because of all the half-assed nudity being flung around there along with the flying discs. By half-assed, I thankfully do not mean bare assed...though I fear it's only a matter of time.
• Is anyone else as scared to light their gas grill as I am?
  
• Remember when I wrote meaty posts ripe with topics for potential discourse and compelling opinions that successfully swayed your mind on topics important to the masses? Then you've read this far and didn't realize until just now that you were on the wrong blog.
• What's the deal with those door-to-door Kirby vacuum salespeople, huh?
• Why does my neighbor seem to annex more and more of my yard every time he mows? And why does it make me stressed out and annoyed that he's now basically mowing my entire front yard, because hey! Free lawn mowing!
• Maybe it's just me, but when any of you see a bulging garbage bag tossed recklessly into a ditch, is the first thing you think, "Hey, I wonder if that thing's filled with severed body parts?" That's just me, isn't it? Because that's the ONLY thing I think when I see one, and if I see TWO garbage bags tossed recklessly into a ditch, I morph into Buffalo Bill asking "Oh, wait. Was she a great big fat person?"
  
• Why did YouTube recommend Celine Dion's video for "Think Twice" to me when I went there to look up a "Silence of the Lambs" clip?
• Why can't the neighborhood children remember to ring the doorbell like I've kindly reminded them to every time they come here and press their sweaty, slimy kid faces and hands against my windows? There's enough DNA on my front door to replicate an army of children, and maybe I'd be compelled to do just that, but if science has shown us anything, it's proven that we couldn't pull off flying cars by 2010 AND that messing around with cloning never goes well. Also, these children have already proven they have poor listening skills and I don't need any more of that going on in my life.
• You remember a while back when I asked you what you thought of when you see bulging garbage bags tossed recklessly into a ditch? Good times. Well, what's your thoughts on spying an old Styrofoam cooler on the side of a gravel road? Is it to tsk, tsk someone so uncaring about our environment, or is it to enact the final scene of se7en, like I did yesterday while driving home from work? "What's in the box? What's in the #&@ boooxxx???"
• You ever think maybe I read too many horrifying books? Well, try this on for size. When I see one shoe on the side of the road (say it with me now - "What's up with that?"), I always hope the person who owned that shoe was running so fast they ran out of that beat up New Balance and saved themselves from their potential attacker. However, if I see a PAIR of shoes strung up on an overhead electrical wire (kids, those are how old timers got power to their homes), I think it's an unfortunate the victim made their attacker so angry they threw their shoes up in the air as if to show their victim they were mad before, but now they're REALLY mad.
  
• Remember how frickin' hot Brad Pitt used to be?
• How awesome is How I Met Your Mother? Seriously.
• How old is too old for tossing up the rock hands? Before you answer, bear in mind I ask as a 42 year old woman who is, at this very moment, pulling off some seriously awesome pig tails that, on first blush, might make you think I look like the world's oldest preschooler. I ask because I'm guilty of tossing rock hands at various points in any given day, and sometimes when I do, I notice the younger people - those it would seem would be more attuned to tossing the horns - looking at me oddly. Is it because I gave the salute after the delivery of some less than awesome news, or because I'm too old for the rock? The lifestyles newspaper in my state publishes a lot of photos taken at bars and public events and in almost every photo, there's a group of people who, when in front of a camera, resort to the rock hands and I just think "Well, that's really a shame," so now I'm curious and maybe a bit paranoid.
• \m/ \m/
• Can you believe I didn't write jack for two weeks and then I came back and gave you this?
• Any questions?