yeah i'm sorry, i can't afford a ferrari
Depending on the day and how much Christmas spirit I have left in me after toiling for some minimum wage bounty, I also like to call these lists either 'A young boy's letter to his unrequited love' or 'A ransom note for Santa.' Seriously, the penmanship of these two! I bet you can't tell which was written by my 13 year old and which was penned by my 8 year old. Here's a hint - one of them broke their arm not once, but twice in the last four months and still had the guts to ask for a skateboard, a pogo stick, and electric scooter and a trampoline.
Every day over the month since writing their lists, one of the boys will come tell me they have an addition they'd like to make. Alas, it's impossible at this point because they've filled up both sides of the paper, and I draw the line at a second print run. I've drawn the line on shopping, too. For the first time ever, I finished my holiday shopping in early December and have spent the weeks since gloating about it. Heck, they're already wrapped, too. Take that, slackers! Every item I purchased seem to come in an odd shaped package (that's what she said), so the wrapping looks like I was trying to do it with not one, but two broken arms, but it's done. It's a Christmas miracle! Take that again, slackers!
Of course, just because my shopping has been done forever (don't tell my kids, but there's no computer under the tree, and there's definitely no trampoline!), it doesn't mean I've not been out in the maddening crowds almost daily. That's the beauty of working retail. Until late last week, my holiday spirit was in full bloom. Then I had to clean up puke. That will dampen more than the floor and surrounding walls. It also dampened my spirit. As of today, mine is a big pile of steaming reindeer droppings. Just one more shift. That's all I have to get through, which is good after today ("Do you have Chicka Chicka 123? "No. I just have Chicka Chicka ABC in stock now." "What's the difference between the two?" "....")
If any of you are still around, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. I'd attach the Christmas card my Mom emailed me, but honest to baby Jesus, it involved a penis and a Santa hat, and if there's one thing the Internet frowns upon, it's penis pictures, so imagine what it would do if said picture came from my Mom? Gasp audibly, that's what it would do. At least, that's what I did when I opened that bit of holiday cheer.