...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

yeah i'm sorry, i can't afford a ferrari



The above are the first installments of my boys' Christmas wish lists, or as I like to call them, the lunatic ramblings of those who seem to forget our house already feels overwhelmed with toys and/or the part where their parents are broke. Ho, ho, ho!

Depending on the day and how much Christmas spirit I have left in me after toiling for some minimum wage bounty, I also like to call these lists either 'A young boy's letter to his unrequited love' or 'A ransom note for Santa.' Seriously, the penmanship of these two! I bet you can't tell which was written by my 13 year old and which was penned by my 8 year old. Here's a hint - one of them broke their arm not once, but twice in the last four months and still had the guts to ask for a skateboard, a pogo stick, and electric scooter and a trampoline.

Every day over the month since writing their lists, one of the boys will come tell me they have an addition they'd like to make. Alas, it's impossible at this point because they've filled up both sides of the paper, and I draw the line at a second print run. I've drawn the line on shopping, too. For the first time ever, I finished my holiday shopping in early December and have spent the weeks since gloating about it. Heck, they're already wrapped, too. Take that, slackers! Every item I purchased seem to come in an odd shaped package (that's what she said), so the wrapping looks like I was trying to do it with not one, but two broken arms, but it's done. It's a Christmas miracle! Take that again, slackers!

Of course, just because my shopping has been done forever (don't tell my kids, but there's no computer under the tree, and there's definitely no trampoline!), it doesn't mean I've not been out in the maddening crowds almost daily. That's the beauty of working retail. Until late last week, my holiday spirit was in full bloom. Then I had to clean up puke. That will dampen more than the floor and surrounding walls. It also dampened my spirit. As of today, mine is a big pile of steaming reindeer droppings. Just one more shift. That's all I have to get through, which is good after today ("Do you have Chicka Chicka 123? "No. I just have Chicka Chicka ABC in stock now." "What's the difference between the two?" "....")

If any of you are still around, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. I'd attach the Christmas card my Mom emailed me, but honest to baby Jesus, it involved a penis and a Santa hat, and if there's one thing the Internet frowns upon, it's penis pictures, so imagine what it would do if said picture came from my Mom? Gasp audibly, that's what it would do. At least, that's what I did when I opened that bit of holiday cheer.

Merry Christmas.

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18 Comments:

Blogger Cocotte said...

LOVE the lists! LOL, my 18 yo middle child still does 'the list' though it's not nearly as lengthy as what you deal with!

And what kind of a mother do you have??? Seriously!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 4:37:00 PM  
Blogger zeghsy said...

I'm done with the acquisition of gifts. Tomorrow I will wrap them. Then I will send my letter to Santa asking for a clean house with new windows. Or should I just send that letter to you? ;)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 4:39:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

But...a picture of a penis and a Santa hat would have contributed IMMEASURABLY to my Christmas cheer today (especially if the penis was WEARING the Santa hat)!!!

Wishing you a festal Chriskwaannukah, you mischievous redheaded minx.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 7:09:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Boys will be boys...
Have yourself a holly jolly Christmas...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 7:18:00 PM  
Blogger Logical Libby said...

If we asked Meg to make a list the only thing on it would be "pie."

Thank God.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 7:43:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

They are so very thorough!

Merry Christmas, Girl xoxo

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:03:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

My word veri is WATHEDIC which seems a fitting way to end my time with you this morning.

Can you at least send a picture of the card to me? I need some holiday cheer. Oh, and a moon pie pogo stick.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

I'd say something about wishing I had something furry to keep my head warm, but you know how the Internet is. . .

Yeah, Jen and I sat down last night to assess our acquisitional progress, and I'm happy to say that we had half the kids mostly done, and only two that we still had to fish around for gift ideas. And heck, there's still three more shopping days left!

(*face-palm*)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

I give you mad props for surviving yet another Christmas season working in retail. Too bad about the trampoline. I would've loved to see that wrapped up under the tree.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 8:59:00 AM  
Anonymous goodfather said...

Not that it's any comfort, but mine would use the skateboard, pogo stick, electric scooter and a trampoline all simultaneously, were he provided with such gifts. Heh.

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I am *wishing* we'd get comprehensive lists, at least then there's some idea that they might want/use what they get.

Ours have looked at us blankly, and said, "I dunno".

Ugh.

(Well, except for Rob, who wants an Island, a House, and Cuba).

Wednesday, December 22, 2010 4:47:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Good God woman! Those lists are long!

My son turned in a list with every known video game on the planet plus a Mac computer at which point I laughed in his face. If Mamma don't mac, nobody macs around here!

My daughter however, who still believes, wrote her letter to Santa. Ready? "All I want is the happiest Christmas ever."

Do they sell that at stores????

Merry Merry FADKOG, you are the bestest!

Friday, December 24, 2010 8:56:00 AM  
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Saturday, December 25, 2010 6:36:00 AM  
Blogger Homemaker Man said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours, Fadkog. And also, tell your mom I'd like her to come over for some drinkin'. My wife and I would surely enjoy her company.

Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

Merry belated Christmas! wish I saw the card from your mom. Sounds like our moms would get along just fine. But probably good for the whole world if they are not in the same room with each other (like Clark Kent and Superman).

Monday, December 27, 2010 2:15:00 PM  
Blogger SciFi Dad said...

Bless me internet, for I have sinned. It has been far too long since I visited.

Hope your Christmas was fun yet injury free.

Monday, December 27, 2010 7:16:00 PM  
Blogger TwoBusy said...

Christmas isn't Christmas without a dick joke from your mom.

Hope you & yours had a holly jolly one.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

No joke - I've never seen anything like those lists! I'm so glad my kids can't write yet. They can only remember so many desired items at a time. But this was the first year of catalog lust for them. How many times did they makes me look at all of their favorites? It was cute - brought back memories.

Thursday, December 30, 2010 11:12:00 PM  

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