and so, now...

Just a year ago, my dear friend Shawn died unexpectedly. The loss of everything we loved about him has been a gaping hole in my heart and the hearts of those who love him. I hate that I cry when I think of him instead of beg him to stop what he's doing because it's making me laugh so hard that I'm crying. Two weeks ago, on the anniversary of his death, I took time to pray for his two sons, and I spoke with his wife, Penny. Last Sunday, during the busy transition period between our church services, I smiled across the room at Penny, then made my way to her to hug her and tell her I love her.

This morning...

This morning, en route to church yet again, I growled when I heard my cell phone start to ring from somewhere at the bottom of my purse, and stabbed my arm into the bag several times before my fingers made contact with the tiny device I think I now officially hate.

"I have some news, and it's not good."

God, seriously, I hate these phone calls.

Unexpected.

Unwelcome.

My friend Penny killed herself early this morning.

Unhappy.

Undone.

I simply have no words, and the few I do seem pointless. I know none of you had the honor of having either of these individuals as your friend, but I just needed to put these few words down here as a reminder to me when I come back to them that, yes, this is all true. There's yet another reason to cry.