i didn't get a lot in class
From time to time, you very kind people tell me how awesome I am. It makes me blush and say things like "Thank you, but I think you have me confused with someone actually awesome," and "Gee, shucks!" It also sometimes makes me wonder why no one living outside my laptop seems to see this same level of awesomeness I must have, but that's a story for another day.
I appreciate your kind words. I really do. However, lest you start a campaign to crown me Queen of All That Is Awesome (potential campaign slogan - Awesome! Just like 'Awful,' But With A Little Something Extra!), I feel now is a good time to burst your bubbles. Ready?
I left work this afternoon with a giant smile on my face. It had been a productive day. I'd killed customers with kindness. Hell, I'd even gotten a 25 cent an hour raise! It was the kind of day you'd all probably be jealous of, and I'd say who could blame you, really. You can't buy a day better than the one I had, not even with an extra $1.25 a shift before taxes!
I left work with a spring in my step, got in my mini, and proceeded to drive home. Smiling. Singing. The usual (which is different from the bad day usual which involves driving, scowling, and singing). My good mood rendered me somewhat oblivious to my surroundings, so when I approached a busy intersection as the light was changing from red to green, I was startled by a loud squealing of car tires nearby. The sound was so pronounced, I thought someone in the lane next to me was stupidly showing off or there had been a collision next to me, and so I slammed on my brakes, coming to one of those stops where, had my Mom been driving, she'd have reached her arm across the seat to brace me from impact.
I sat there for several seconds while cars kept whizzing past me and finally the person behind me honked their horn and then changed lanes to race by. It was only then that I realized where the screeching tires had come from.
Remember the one with the awesome songs on it? That one.
Want to know what was playing when I thought the world was crashing around me?
Yep. 'My Prerogative' by Bobby Brown. The four-second (four!) sound effect of squealing tires at the start of the song caused me to think the world around me was ending and nearly caused me to cause an actual accident. I don't need permission. Make my own decisions. That's my stupidity.
Still think I'm awesome? I think the person who zoomed by me flashing her finger was telling me I am, indeed, awesome. In fact, according to her, I'm apparently the number one most awesome person on the planet!
For what it's worth, I place the blame for this mind blip on an injury I incurred over the weekend, one that, oddly enough, also involved driving and my iPod. I was on the way to my church small group gathering last night, appropriately enough singing along to Madonna's absolutely impossible NOT to sing along with (don't click on the link unless you're prepared to belt it out no matter where you are) 'Like A Prayer' (here's where you could say something like "Ha ha ha! Isn't it ironic?" and I'd say, "Don'tcha think?" and also "Don't worry. I've got that one on my iPod, too!"). Like today, all was well, and when 'Like A Prayer' ended, the next song kicked in.
Haddaway's 'What Is Love'.
Oh, yes. You read that right.
(sidebar - Are you like me and gone your entire life without ever seeing the official video for that song? Change that now.)
Do you know what you are obligated to do when you hear that song? If you answered "Fast forward immediately past it and/or throw it on the floor and smash it up into a million tiny pieces and/or steal your iPod and put better music on it when you're not looking," your answer is wrong and you have no soul. Heathens.
The correct answer is you're obligated to bob your head side to side to the beat with a level of enthusiasm that borders on illegal. Or just embarrassing when you're still doing it at the stoplight and you glance over on the downbeat and notice the motorist stopped next to you is watching, which totally happened to me. Of course. But you know what? OH WELL! Because I was feeling it, friends!
And then I was feeling my head slam against the driver's side window after I bobbed a little too voraciously to the left and made the kind of violent impact that would have resulted in tiny bluebirds and stars circling my head if I was in a cartoon world. Talk about your baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more! It appears my head didn't get the request even though I'd asked it t0 more than 10 of the nearly 20 times the song makes you sing it. Thankfully, no other motorists saw me take that punch.
As a result of this event last night, I have a large, tender spot on the side of my head and a pronounced lack of wisdom. Long story short, I probably should start listening to books on tape when I drive. I should also think about tossing that extra $1.25 a shift before taxes into the Queen of All That Is Awesome campaign fund, too.