check this hand 'cause i'm marvelous

So. Well. Here we are. Not much's going on around here, which is nice, really, because that means more room for my simmering bad mood and overall sense of 'meh' that's been hovering around like a spirit unwilling to cross over these last few days. Or maybe it's been weeks? Months? Suffice to say it's been awhile.

But I don't want to burden you with my sad trombone, friends. Instead, I've decided to compile a list of things that make me forget the time(s) I've been far too 'woe is me' lately. Before I do, though, I feel I should warn you there are a few things on here that might compel you to make fun of me, so just let me remind you to be gentle, m'kay?

M'kay. Here goes. For no one's pleasure other than my own:

• Jimmy Fallon's Emmy opening number. I seriously can't stop watching this. See also 'freezing the picture on Jon Hamm.'

• A tub of Cool Whip, a spoon, and some alone time. To eat directly from the container, sickos! What did you think I meant? Listen, what you do on your own time with a delicious non-dairy whipped topping is your own business.

• Constantly being peppered with 'Would you rather...' questions by the guys I work with. When faced with the choice of bending my fingers backward and rendering them broken once a year, every year, or purchasing a bag of spicy Doritos and using one to scoop my own eyeball out, I always choose the annual broken fingers.

• Just Dance for Wii. It's sweaty, loud, ugly, and potentially deadly, but if you want to bring it 'Wannabe' style, I have just two words for you -Bring. It.

• Season 4 of 'Dexter.' Holy hell, this show is so fantastic (aside from the Batista/Laguerta romance, which, yawn)! Sure, even though, thanks to the Internet, I knew how things ended, I still gasped. Yes. I gasped.

• Speaking of the Internet (and strangers and friends and amazing people outside this little box), did you hear about Cure JM?! After a roller coaster ride on the final day of voting for a Pepsi Refresh grant, they topped the choices for a $250k grant! Kudos to Kevin and his family for their tireless efforts, and thank you to all of you who voted!
  

• (pssst - have have the urge to do some more harmless Internet voting for a good cause? My friend the weirdgirl and I hope you'll consider supporting her community's efforts to rebuild their elementary school, which was destroyed by an arsonist's fire. I know, right? Please visit her to learn how you can help. I have. It didn't hurt at all. Do it. Please?)

• 'Talking To Girls About Duran Duran' by Rob Sheffield - Get thee to a bookstore and buy this one, OK? Don't just grab it off the shelf, find a comfy chair, and then camp out all day reading it for free. You'll be cheating yourself and possibly annoying those of us who work at bookstores. I'm not kidding. Especially about that annoying bit. Seriously. Would you throw your feet up on that coffee table, stuff your hand down the front of your pants and then maybe take a 2 hour nap in your own house? You would? Well, OK. Can you just do it there and not where I work, though?

• Cutting 10+ inches off my hair. TEN! MORE THAN! The last time I cut more than 10 inches of anything out of my life, I told that guy I was getting married the following Saturday and maybe it would be nice if he'd quit calling me already.

• My dear best friend who, when she finally saw me for the first time after this major hair transformation, told me I could pass for 19.

• The fact that I'll never, ever, ever have to be 19 again. Even though I may or may not have made out with above mentioned best friend after her declaration, which may or may not have been something I would have considered exploring at 19.
  

• Mario Badescu Drying Lotion for killing the giant bald-headed man who emerged from my chin this week and was all, "Hey, whassup?" and I was all, "Um, my nose? Which you clearly have a bird's eye view into?" I'm a pretty, pretty princess.

• (now if I could only use it to kill the chin zit's accomplice currently residing in a Locale That Shall Not Be Named)(did I mention I'm a pretty, pretty princess? The prettiest!)

• The fact that I wasn't killed in my sleep last night by the ghost of a 14-year-old girl who was murdered and locked away who now apparently exacts her revenge upon the world by brutally killing those who don't forward text messages about her while they slumber. Sorry, teenage boy who keeps texting me despite the fact I keep (stupidly) responding (in complete and correctly spelled sentences - a dead - heh, no pun intended - giveaway that no, I don't know him and yes, I AM likely old enough to be his mother. Of course, tonight's another night, so if you don't hear from me after this, it's been nice knowing you!

• Speaking of things getting killed, sayonara, solid dark chocolate Dove Easter bunny. Never again will I write of you.

• Did I mention it's nice how dark chocolate doesn't seem to go bad even after almost two years? And I wonder why I have a giant chin zit...

• Hooray! Last year's jeans still fit!

• Tomorrow, I'm going to spend the entire day holding a newborn baby girl. The entire day. Hours. Holding a newborn. I'm probably going to spend at least two of those hours plotting a way out of the house with said newborn girl undetected, but you didn't hear that from me.

• 'Camp Rock 2' premieres Friday night (um, yeah, have we met?!)!! I predict some alone time in my future (with or without Cool Whip)!! Hush.
  

• That Nick Jonas sure has come into his own lately...

• I know. Relax. I'm forever a Joe girl. Woman. Old lady. Whatever.

• Pecan Sandies. Seriously, I am SO thankful last year's jeans still fit.

• Polite Fictions. Are you (please!) reading us there? Oh, I wish you would! There's some great stuff happening there as we round out our "What Happens After..." theme. I don't know what it is about this go 'round, but I've gotten teary reading every single contributor's entry. Even my own! It's like all my friends there live in my heart and are wrapping beautiful words around the voices I hear in my head. If you want to know the real me, go there. Please read! Please! No voting involved!
  

• This clip from 'Phineas and Ferb':
  

This was how I was dancing (to, um, 'Come Sail Away.' So sue me) in the kitchen tonight when the boys walked in and discovered me. "She's sportin' major kinkification' may be my new mantra. And this? This is bordering manifesto territory, so I'll be going now, a little bit happier than I was when I started. Your results may vary.