no we're not gonna work this out tonight...
Me: "So, boys, listen, tomorrow Mommy really wants to go see..."
My sons, in unions: "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GO SEE THE JONAS BROTHERS MOVIE!!"
Me: "...the Jonas Brothers mov...wha? Why? Why can't I go see the Jonas Brothers movie?"
Oldest son: "Um, HELLO!! You're a MOM!!!"
Youngest son: "Yeah! You're a MOM!! And the Jonas Brothers suck!!"
Me: "Listen here, mister, we do not use that word in this house! Do you think Joe Jonas' Mom likes it if he uses that word? I bet she doesn't, and because of that, I bet Joe doesn't even think to use that word, ever!"
(except in my head, Joe TOTALLY knows how to use that word, and he likes to use that word for the reasons that randomly cross my mind so often that he can't help but sing it...)
Oldest son: "But they do!!"
Me: --- wonk eyeing both boys --
Me: "Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to get out of school early tomorrow and go with me to the theater to see it, but since you apparently don't appreciate fine art..."
(words trail off as bait dangles in front of boys, and behind my back, my fingers cross in hopeful anticipation because...well, I need an excuse to go to this movie...)
Youngest son: "I think I'll finish the school day, if that's alright with you. We're having an 'sembly."
Oldest son: "No boys are going to see this movie, Mom, so there's no way we're going with you."
Me: "Boys like the Jonas Brothers!
Oldest son: "Name one, Mom."
Me, ignoring question: "Here, let's watch this video clip again. See!? Right there! There's a boy!"
Oldest son: "That's somebody's Dad, Mom. Besides, you just wanted to watch Joe again."
(I can't argue with the truth. What I can do is inform you - since, honestly, how many of you are going to watch it - that, in the above clip, a random dude does pop up in the crowd at the 1:03 mark. I can also tell you that at the 2:12 mark, the brothers pick up big hoses and shoot even bigger streams of thick foam out onto the crowd of adolescent girls (and no apparent boys), and if that isn't super subliminal - and the fodder of at least two of my recent dreams because hello, Joe, you look very happy squirting your stuff all over the place - I don't know what is. Now, give me four minutes, because I need to watch this clip again...)
Me: "Maybe that Dad said, 'Hey, honey! The Jonas Brothers are going to be playing in concert here today. Want to go see them with me?' and unlike you two, his kid jumped at the chance to spend some time with her parent. Would that suck so bad?"
Youngest son: "I thought you said we don't use that word in this house!"
Me: ...sigh...Long story short, I need a date to this movie! I mean, sure, I went to see Hanson in concert last fall (ha ha - fooled you! You thought that link would take you to Mmmbop, but I like this song, too!)(also, if you clicked on that, why aren't you clicking on the Jonas Brothers clip, hmmmbop?), so why would I not buck up and go to the theater by myself to see this movie? If I were 14, it would be no problem. I'd gather up my posse of fellow JoBro pals - the one who liked Nick and the one who liked Kevin, and the one who would tell me not to use the word posse - and we'd go. But I'm 41, and my posse (that younger girl who told me not to say that word was kind of a bitch, so...) of female friends include several who don't even know who the Jonas Brothers are (which makes me all, "What the hell? Did you just wake up, Snow White? Welcome to Earth, E.T."). I even called my friend WHO HAS A SON NAMED JONAS (coincidence? I think not)(my friend would beg to differ)(also, the kid was born before the Jonas Brothers blew up)(don't even think of telling me you wish the Jonas Brothers would actually blow up!), and the first words out of her mouth were, "Please don't ask me to go see that movie with you," and then I may have stepped outside and rang my doorbell and told her someone was at the door and I had to go (cry).
Anyway, if you're in the Midwest and want to hang out with me in the dark tomorrow, I will spring for the popcorn, and I won't say the word posse (unless you ask, and then we'll say it so much that we laugh and laugh because when we do, it starts to sound like another word, so we'll laugh and laugh some more until the young girls around us tell us to shut up, and I'll turn around and tell them we don't use that word in this house. Well, we don't use either of those words in my house - at least openly - and then we'll giggle, because it felt right). The first showing at theaters here is 12:20 p.m., Friday. Actually, the first showings are at 12:01 A.M., but I feel it necessary to say - again - that I'm not 14 anymore, thus, I'm nobody's spring chicken (as evidenced by the fact I just used the phrase 'nobody's spring chicken').
(I just asked Tool Man if he'd take me tomorrow because he's off work. He laughed at me. I will now officially up my date proposal ante to include a candy item of your choice and - maybe - casually holding hands)
Labels: this is an S.O.S.
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 10:55 PM
53 Comments:
Hot Tamales.
I would lend you a couple of teenage girls to go with you but even THEY wouldn't be seen dead at a Jonas Brothers anything.
Know anyone with pre-pubescent girls that you can bribe with candy and padded bras to go with you?
I know two girls (11 & 8) who'd go with you. It's a bit of drive, though, from here to there.
Let me go wake 'em up and get on the road ... see you in 12 - 15 hrs!
Not even my 12-year-old daughter is interested in seeing this movie. I think your family should consider an intervention... ;-)
If you include airfare to the Midwest, I'm in.
A member of your posse (hhhheeeee!),
Deb
I have an 18 year old that would probably go with you-I think she is really just 5, but that's not the b-day cake said today. Close to Minnesota?
Well, I'm with Deb...you throw in airfare instead of the candy and I'm there. I never pass up a chance to drool over the Jo Bros..as evidenced by the fact that I just watched that clip 4 times in a row.
Also? I like the word posse.
Your boys, ah, they'll grow to appreciate the finer things!
Joe shooting his "stuff" into the crowd was more symblolism than I want to see from a teenybopper band. But you go have fun, FADKOG!
You do know you have a roast coming up, right?
An airline ticket, 1/2 pound of red swedish fish and I'll be there. And since we are old enough we could smuggle in some booze too.
Man, I so wish I lived in the Midwest, just for today. Cause I love me some goobers.
And MAYBE some Jonas Brothers too...shhhhh, don't tell.
You could go under the guise that you are "previewing" it before allowing your young daughter(s) to see it!
I'll go see the Jonas brothers with you, if you sit through the Twilight movie with me again-I cant get a date either ( and they both technically suck) :):)
Bribe them. Growing boys are like Scooby-Doo, and Pizzas are like Scooby Snacks.
I bet they'd go if you barter with a trip to the home of one Mister Frommage...
Oh, and by the way- "Wonk eyeing"? Pure genius.
I totally would never want to see this movie, but!!! BUT!! I am a good friend and good friends do things they don't necessarily wanna do, so that being said...I would totally go with you if I lived in your 'hood and I would even pretend to know the words they are singing and I swear I wouldn't comment on their need to have their eyebrows plucked, because really it's not nice to throw stones, especially at teenage boys. So yeah, I would totally go cause I love me some movie theatre popcorn (with butter!) and if it would make ya feel better, I'd totally put my arm around ya and feel up your boob.
I know, right, good friend I am!!!
i said totally 4 times.
i swear i'm not a teenage girl from the valley.
word.
Just let me access My Love's frequent flier miles ...
You will make out with me after BB Good, right?
You'd better check the film's MPAA rating before you go - just in case there's an upper age limit...
Man, I love movie theatre popcorn and sour patch kids and all sorts of delicious movie food, but sadly, even the lure of movie treats cannot intice me to see the Jonas Bros. Good luck finding a movie buddy.
okay, okay.. if you'll pick me up, i'll go with you.
i'll check with the man. we can make it a date..
but i don't have a vehicle. (hence the you need to drive)
but hey, i'm local-ish.. right? heh ;)
do you need me to loan you my emily? ;)
You need a daughter! I would definitely go with you if we weren't seperated by so many miles! My daughter is at camp this weekend otherwise I'm sure I'd be going. I mentioned to my friends I thought the JoBros were hot and they called me a cougar! *gasp*
Hmmmmm. . . the 'Giant Hose of Spunk'. . .
That's not subliminal, my dear, that's full-blown (HAH!) liminal. Maybe even super-liminal. . .
I'm with Michael. Someone definitely needs to save you from yourself. . . ;)
I'd go with you in a second. But it would take me sixteen hours to get there.
Y'know....FADKOG....I have always enjoyed your writing style...and I think you're smart, funny and sexy...but this is...
WRONG.
On so many levels.
Just say no!!
FMD
you're not really serious are you?
please tell me no. otherwise, i will have to start weeping for you...
Yes, she's serious, and she had two more orgasms thinking about Joe while you wrote that last sentence.
I would so be there if I was still in Missouri. Road trip and the Jonas Bros! Does it get any better than that? I think not.
Couldn't pay me enough. Not even with luscious luscious candy. But it IS ok to go to the movies alone. I see people do it all the time.
If you weren't 2000 miles away I'd go with you, and we might even be able to convince my boys to join us because they don't even know what's cool yet. I'm sure it'll SO beat Dog Hotel which was the last movie we saw.
Oh honey, sorry I can't help you out. I don't have anything against the Jonas Bros per se, I just don't care for ANY of the Disney produced groups. They all sound the same to me.
Enjoy your 3D experience! (What's the plot of that movie, btw?)
one time we were in godfather's pizza (it was a chain of three in kck where the k stands for kansas) and someone intentionally played MMmmbop six times in a row. Totally ruined my pepperoni pizza.
Now I kinda miss it.
I can't wait to use "Did you just wake up, Snow White?" in conversation.
You already owe me for this zombie virus. So I expect popcorn, m&m's AND a diet pepsi. My husband never takes me to the movies, so I'm game for anything.
Oh yeah, which one is Joe?
Fadkog - you know my love for you, but I can't get on this bandwagon. I think the only knowledge I have of the Jonas Brothers is from reading your blog and perhaps a slight glimpse of their "performance" at the grammys. I hope you get a posse and enjoy yourself nonetheless!
So? Did you go?
(I can't decide if my stalking of you would extend to attending this movie - luckily, I'm here after the fact. So I can leave it ambiguous.)
Babe, I'd so be there, but by the time I read this post- I think I'm too late :(
Not that I care for the Jonas brothers, having a pre-pubescent girl in the house I get enough of them- but to sit with you in the dark, and say posse repeatedly? Oh yeah, now we're livin'
It's a little late for my two cents as you have probably already gone and seen it... No I would not have gone with. As kick ass as your rack happens to be I couldn't. I'd go to a new kids thing with you because you know they're Hangin' Tough.. But sorry I just am not a fan of the Jonas Brothers
I had no idea that anyone over the age of 14 had even heard a Jonas Bothers song. Now I may need to go back up and click on the video, just to understand the big deal.
posse posse posse posse posse...hee hee. That does make me lol.
You have just proven, once and for all, that the mere MENTION of the title of the MmmBop song is capable of worming its way into my ear and not letting go. Even all these years later, that shit's STILL got it.
You are so adorable! (Cue the Cure's "The Lovecats.") You know that I'd do anything for you other than seeing a Jonas Brothers movie unless you took me to a bar first. Hell, if you took me to a bar, there's no telling what you could talk me into!
I saw in the paper today that the bros made a surprise appearance at the Charlotte showing yesterday, sending a gaggle of tweener girls into the same panic attack Duran Duran sent me into 25 years ago. But I'm old now and say things like, "Kids today don't appreciate real music," just like my parents said to me back then.
BP Dad - And the loudest squeal is for you. :)
Kelley - I wish! No one I know with daughters trust me not to make them cry when I fight them for Joe.
CT Mom - It's nicer here today than where you are, if you want to rethink your plans!
Michael - My family pretty much gave up on me when I declared myself Mrs. Simon LeBon at the age of 14.
Deb - Welcome to the posse!
tamilyn - So close to Minnesota that Minnesota is always telling me to scooch over!
MadWoman - Thank you for admitting you watched the clip, and that you'd drool for the JoBros, and for calling them the JoBros!
Chris - I suppose if there was a band called the Jonas Sisters, this would be an entirely different post!
Cocotte - Give me a minute to think about that scene again... ;)
TwoBusy - Trust me. It was at the forefront of my mind the entire time I was writing this post!
Marla - I didn't even think of adding booze to my proposition! Perhaps the number of takers would have grown considerably!
Petra - I won't tell. I'll take all the JoBros loving abuse. Pity you don't live in the Midwest. We could have gone toy shopping after the movie!
Under the Influence - Oh! That is smart thinking right there!
Christina Lee - Um...I'm not sure I can make that kind of deal. ;)
Chas - I'll cave to a lot of things, but I'm not so sure I can cave to a trip to Charles la Fromage. At least not so soon after our last trip!
kimmy - Oh, I would TOTALLY let you grope my boob if you totally went with me to this movie, so why don't you totally load up the car and get your heiny down (over?)(kitty corner?) over here and totally tell me to calm down when Joe comes on the screen?! :)
kimmy - You can totally never use the word totally too often around here. Totally.
Always Home - A potential male taker! WOO HOO!
Always Home - Like you'd even have to ask, Love Bug! ;)
Brian - Are you suggesting they cap it at cougar?
Meg - What if I said it would be ok if you napped during it?
ChurchPunkMom - Very localish! Close enough for you to roll your eyes at me, I bet!
Ali - PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE?!?!?!?
imom - Wear that cougar label proudly! Also, put in that whole 'you need a daughter' message to my husband, would you?
Des - I will so be the downfall of myself. Especially when you take into account my love of the superliminal!
MereCat - Where are you?! You should be here by now?!
Fu Manchu Dad - But I am all those things, on so many levels!
Mandy - Um...commence weeping... ;)
ftn - ...make that four times....
Kat - WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MOVE TO ENGLAND?! They'll be playing Wembley soon... :)
Heather - I'm going to have to do this one alone, I think. The better for no one to see how much popcorn I can put down.
Zip n Tizzy - Not even Lisa Kudrow breaking out into Love Bug in the middle of Dog Hotel would make Dog Hotel better!
weirdgirl - The plot? Just some cute boys (sigh...emphasis on boys) bopping around a stage for an hour and a half.
papatv - You comment contains three glorious things - pepperoni pizza, MmmBop and Godfather's Pizza. Godfather's Pizza is the tits!
Chag - I may totally overuse that phrase now...
HoodChick - I would spring for all that. No problem there. And Joe? Joe's the cute one (with straight hair and the biggest eyebrows!)
kaila - Even though you have somehow avoided being enveloped in the Jonas Brothers goodness aside from here, you can join the posse around here for good!
Dana - Stalking kind of goes hand-in-hand with having to do my bidding! :)
Sailor - The thing is, as I'm responding to these comments, I'm sitting in my dark living room and I've typed the word posse more than I've used it conversation in my entire life!
Savage - sidebar: NKOTB is playing a concert here next month. The tickets cost so much I laugh in irony at the thought. Going to a movie with me is far, far cheaper, mister! ;)
Musings of the Mrs. - I may start a write-in campaign attempting to convince the Jonas Brothers to write a song using the word posse now!
bejewell - Honestly, how anyone can honestly claim they hate the song Mmmbop is beyond me!
That Girl - I noticed on the Jonas Brothers' YouTube chanel (um, yeah, so I sometimes go there...) that they were going to make surprise visits around the country at theaters this weekend, and I told Tool Man he'd have to pay with my wrath if I found out they showed up locally and I wasn't at the theater!
Dearest FADKOG, when I saw 45 comments, I totally believed that they were all going to be OH HELLS YEAH LET'S GO and btw you will totally let me get to third base later, right?
internets, I am Officially Disappointed In You (gives stern Wonk Eye). This is OUR FADKOG! She needs our love, support, and oodles of buttery popcorn! I will completely admit that I can't tell a Jonas Brother from a Jonas Brother from a Jonas Brother, but who the hell cares?
Girl, I am totally with ya on this one. Still technically and physically located in Alabama, of course, yet totally with ya.
1blueshi1 - Are you with me even if you don't get to go to third base with me? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that is off the table, I'm just needing to clarify here...
;)
When guys like prepubecent girls, that is creepy...when women like prepubecent guys...well, it is still creepy, but in a different kind of way.
Bogart - Probably in a totally weird, not as sexy as it sounds in my head, creepy way, right? :)
A guy in my office took his daughters to see them Saturday (8 and 12), but I think it was because he wanted to go. They were bummed because the Brothers showed up in person for the next show and they didn't get to scream at them for real instead of for 3D.
Oh I am with you all the way, Fadkog, regardless! Just so you know, my intentions are not pure....hehehe ;)
JoeinVegas - Lucky (or unlucky!) for me, I know that, based on where I live, the Jonas Brothers weren't going to make any surprise visits to the theaters here, but had they and I missed them, I'd have cried through the whole movie! ;)
1blueshi1 - I'm still available!
So I'm way behind on the blog reading, and just getting around to this, and that's hilarious. I love the parentheticals. Also, did you get a date? :)
PS, the word verification word is Deferate, which made me think of defacate, which made me think of shit, and we don't say that word in this house.
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