things i learned while watching the super bowl, which, truth be told, i didn't care about. at all.*
*alternate title: Just wrap your legs under this Not An Official Snuggie slanket and strap your hands across this book because I'd have preferred staying home rather than watching the Super Bowl
- Watching a game you don't understand with a roomful of armchair quarterbacks is not The Awesome, as evidenced by the schooling I took from the roomful of men after inquiring about when Kurt Warner (whose name I only know because he's an Iowa boy) would be taking the field. Huh. So, let me see if I've got this straight - football is a game of offense and defense? Good to know.
- A can of tomato juice and a can of beans does not a pot of chili make.
- Hey, Biggest Armchair Quarterback Of Them All, I know there's a vague similarity there, but Steeler's Coach Mike Tomlin is not, in fact, in this Pepsi commercial with Bob Dylan. That would be will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. Don't fight me on this and insist Tomlin had time to actually film a soft drink commercial:
- Apparently Heroes starts up again on Monday.
- Sitting on a folding chair for four hours to watch the game I didn't want to go watch in the first place is about as comfortable as I imagine a bunch of men who've run around and tackled each other for as long must feel. I'd have liked to call a flag on the sofa at some point in the action.
- Fine church-going folks in the room with me probably won't chuckle at the GoDaddy.com commercials, but Seth and I will.
- Reece's Pieces that fall into your bra during the first quarter of the game make for a delicious treat when you discover them in the middle of the third quarter. Mmmmm....melty!
- Tool Man totally over analyzes commercials. Yes, dear, it's feasibly impossible for a a team of grasshoppers to cart off a bottle of coke. Get over it now.
- Apparently wishing super hard that Bruce won't perform Glory Days during his 12-minute half-time extravaganza won't keep it from happening.
- Bruce is like my crazy uncle from from Jersey. If I had a crazy uncle from Jersey, that is.
- There's a pretty good chance I got a wee bit of a girly boner for Bruce after he slid across the stage a couple times.
- Tool Man got a boy boner when he saw the commercial for the new Star Trek movie. Good to know he's still capable of such a thing.
- Did I mention the Reece's Pieces in the bra thing? You know you'd eat them, too.
Labels: we gotta get out while we're young so I can get home and watch 'The Office'
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 11:25 PM
59 Comments:
The Boss does what the Boss wants.
I napped and went grocery shopping during the game.
Which reminds me - it's pretty much a frickin' rule you have to make a lame Boss joke when the Boss is on stage, as evidenced by this from tonight's viewing party - "Well, the Boss told me I gotta turn up the noise, so I'm turnin' up the noise!" before our host cranked the volume on the TV.
Guess you had to be there.
Your joke, Backpacking Dad, is allowed, for clearly, as anyone who has been here awhile knows, there's no lame around this joint.
Ahem....
(also, waking up from a nap to find Reece's Pieces in your bra is also a fantastic pleasure. just a little fyi...)
Mmmm, bra Reese's...
I learned that this summer all my cherished childhood memories of television and cartoons are going to be violently raped. Again. Without lube. Again. Hollywood, where nostalgia goes to die!
I'm pretty sure the Boss cracked his nuts on one of the cameras on one of those slides.
we opted for going to see twilight. loved the books and the movie, but i'm sorry. vampires do not sparkle.
The Superbowl was today?
you know what I learned?
I learned that the one doritos commercial, in which the girls clothing mirculously flies off? Yeah, THAT one. My husband went to high school with that girl. Yeah, THAT girl, the one with the perfect body? He knows her.
I'll never eat doritos again.
I hung out on the internetz the entire game.
HAHAHA girlie boner. TOO FUNNY.
I went to bed and missed the whole thing. Football fan I am not - but I'm Canadian, we're all about hockey. LOL
I only made it to half time. In my defense it was 1am by that time here.
I failed to put down the chicken fingers at The Boss's command. Does this make me less of an American?
Mmm, now I can eat Reece's Pieces without ever thinking of E.T. again.
Who knew a 59-year old could be so... flexible?
My wife and I are with you on the Omar Epps resemblance. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't eat the Reece's Pieces straight from your bra though.
I looked up from my book to see The Boss slide, after husband remarked on the moves. Could not look away. Googled age, b/c really, is he 59?! And your rundown entertained me way more than the actual game. True.
Tell me that wasn't the actual chili recipe.
A couple of things....
Yum love me some Reece's.
Yep, Omar Epps would play Mike Tomlin.
And finally I still have a boner from the GI Joe preview. Sorry Will that will rock.
The highlight of the Super Bowl? The new episode of THE OFFICE right after!!
Hallie
i swear to god...all i could think during the entire game was "who let Dr. Foreman on the field"
hahaha
I learned not to attend Super Bowl parties hosted by vegetarians* who don't buy enough booze. Melty Reese's Pieces would have been a godsend, which might explain why I hoovered a half-empty package of same upon returning home.
*Apologies to any vegetarians out there: I'm certain you're all fine people, but please, for the love of all things holy, do not serve only carrot sticks & Doritos and call it a meal. XOXO.
Am I the only chick in this crowd that actually LOVES football!!! what an awesome game although now I will hate the Steelers even more, being a Browns fan!!!! But I gotta give them street cred now :)
oh and I think both Tomlin and Epps are quite yummy :)Ok and the boss..... or maybe I am just hard up right now-it's possible...
Mmmm. . . melty Reese's Pieces. I would have eaten them from my bra. . . or yours.
Sadly enough, I watched the Super Bowl all alone. Everyone abandoned me, and I had no invitation to a Super Bowl party anywhere. Apparently I'm a pariah. Doesn't stop me from barging in here and leaving a comment though.
You know, I'm showing my age when I say that I remember when Dick LeBeau played for the Lions. . . And yeah, pretty much anybody in professional football whose name is 'Dick' is surely used to the commentary on his name, by now. . .
And, uh, who got to eat the Reese's from your bra - you or Tool Man? 'Cuz, you know, I might have been wishing, for just a split-second, that I could've been him. . .
I know, it's another sign of my creeping old-fart-ness that I'd never, technically, actually seen Bruce Springsteen perform anything until halftime last night. Pretty high-energy show for a guy pushing 60 himself, I thought. And the little phallic kneel he did with the mike-stand in the first 15 seconds was. . . interesting. I wasn't supposed to notice that it was phallic, was I? . . .
And the guys I watched the game with took meticulous note of the fact that two (2) commercials made fairly explicit reference to sex with animals. Just sayin'. . .
So, is it Seth LeBeau then?
What about the 3-D commercials? I had those glasses on all night.
I would have eaten the Reece's Pieces too.
he DOES look like Omar Epps! Thank you!! I thought that all night!
Don't be dissing my man, Bruce.
He so totally rocks.
I got a girlie boner!!!
We watched the Back to the Future trilogy On Demand. I'll keep in touch :-)
I must admit I can never remember whether the Superbowl is American Football or Baseball...
Ahhh, the Super Bowl. I was on the couch, in my PJ's, hopped up on vicodin thanks to being ill and trying to fight the pain. It was a great game though. My hubby's from Pittsburgh, so this was a happy house.
yeah, we went to the lamest of all lame-ass Super Bowl parties and I was falling asleep by 9 and wanted to go home. I also had NO interest in it whatsoever. I think next year I will stay home and drink and watch awesome girlie movies.
Oh yeah, and I missed the Office. WTF?
Oh, the GoDaddy commercial. That was so creative and tasteful...
I was thinking that Crotch-Cam slide across the stage had to have scared the bejezus out of the cameraman.
Am I the only one here that loves football and thought it was a fantastic game? It would have been better if I hadn't eaten 12 pounds of salsa. Blech. Our "party" was us, the kids, and my wife's parents. In our tiny living room. It was a vicious cycle of the kids being too loud, me turning up the volume on the game, and them, in turn, being louder.
BTW, Danica Patrick in the shower gives ME a bit of a girlie boner. Wait... uh, you know what I mean.
I'm a woman who loves herself some football and even I have a hard time making it through the four and a half hours of game, commercials and analysis. You have my sympathies.
Although I did get a girlie boner for the new Captain Kirk. just a lil one.
Chili and Reeses Pieces hijinx.
Well. I'm just knocked stupid by the whole thing.
I had a bad Bourbon and Reeses Pieces experience and sort of swore them off.
I think I'll reconsider.
There was a game on this weekend? And nothing beats surprise bra candy.
I would totally eat them! And I would probably loudly rejoice my score of new-found Reeces and then get a bit pissy when everyone else gave me the "I can't believe she's eating out of her bra... and TALKING about it" fish-eye. I mean, really, those armchair quarterbacks spend way too much time studying other men's butts to suddenly get squeamish about a little bra snackage.
Tomato juice and beans? PLEASE. Superbowl food is supposed to be the tits. Which does not necessarily mean you have to put it IN your tits. Would you pass the Reece's, please?
You should have come to our house - my husband made killer chili. Unfortunately, we did not have Reese's Pieces - so clearly, we lost!
This post is LeAwesome.
Also, I've been saying The Awesome for weeks now. See what you've done!?
Is Mike Tomlin any relation to Lily? And why do people laugh at me when I ask that?
I'm lucky. The husband did not watch the Superbowl and instead fixed my brakes. also, I got a girl boner from the Star Trek preview because OMG that dude is HOT!
I'll have to sacrifice myself and go see it with the hubs... ;o)
Dick LeBeau? That is a total porn name.... I approve.
I'd eat the reeses that stuck to your boobs.... again, porn reference.
Speaking of porn... I am so still totally lusting you muchly!!!
I hate football and I avoid the Superbowl and any parties like the plague. My dad and brother won't come to my house on Thanksgiving because I won't allow it on my tv.
Actually, my all-time favorite 'football name' is Dick Butkus. . .
I said the SAME THING about Coach Tomlin and Omar Epps. They could be twins!
When The Boss slid across the stage and hit the camera? Yeah, that's when I fell for ol' Brucie just a little bit.
Did you notice when Bruce slid across the stage on time, he totally hit a camera man in the face WITH HIS CROTCH? Took me a good 10 minutes to get over that.
My mother-in-law thinks chili is made precisely that way. The entire family prays for her to make HER mother-in-law's chili recipe instead- which is "the tits". The woman is just spiteful enough to go out of town for 2 weeks and make a big ole pot of her tomato juice and beans for her husband to eat while she's gone instead of the good stuff. I'm pretty sure my father-in-law dumps it down the drain the second she's out the door and lives off bacon and eggs instead. I know I would.
Bejewell, I'm not sure, but I suppose the fact that coach Tomlin is black and Lily was, well, lily-white might have something to do with it. . . I mean, she's old enough to be his mom, and one never knows, but. . . that might account for some of the laughter. . .
I might have had a little girly boner for Bruce too!
Bruce. That is all.
Like I said before, one of the best things about being married to a Brit is not having to watch American football.
You're a fine woman, Diff Girl. And quite a catch!
Next year, come to our Super Bowl party. Plenty to drink, plenty to eat, plenty to laugh at.
BTW, the best "athlete" (if you consider car racing an athletic event, and there are those nearby that would kill me for questioning such a thing) name is former race car driver Dick Trickle.
I do like football. And the Steelers won me $125 bucks on that game. Woo-hoo I can afford my salon trip and lunch this week. I'm not actually a Steelers fan, but when money's involved I'll root for almost anyone.
Thanks for the clear up, every time I see Tomlin I think, man, who does that guy look like?
If I were wearing a bra I'd warm myself up some pieces.
Oh yeah, listen...about responding to these comments. I'll do it. Soon. Not now, though. Seriously, I am totally tired or something. You guys are great, though. When I get home from work tomorrow, I'm totally going to love on you all.
He totally is Omar Epps, I agree 100%. You had great comments about our contest over at Sherendipity. Email if you are interested in hosting your own. Email me anytime drewg@webmerchantsinc.com
girly.boner.
I fecking love you.
Will - Mmmm, indeed. Lo that they only sold them that way. And for the other thing? Agreed. Completely.
Heather - I think something definitely cracked in that move!
zeghsy - Oh, no, no, no. Vampires should only glisten from the blood that covers their sharp-toothed maws after they've dug into some hapless soul.
Claire - Heh...I tried to get out of it, too.
bekah - Gah! Really? I'd have been off the Reece's Pieces the rest of the night if I'd heard that in my house!
Cocotte - I honestly pondered taking the laptop along, but someone here said that would be rude...whatever, Tool Man. Whatever...
Sam - I understand hockey about as much as I understand football!
Kat - But you at least caught Bruce's nut slide, yeah? :)
Always Home - I do what I can to help you. I'll let the chicken finger thing slide, but I can't speak for what Bruce might have to say about it. Dude IS the Boss, you know.
Meg - Amen, my friend. A.Men. :)
Heinous - Bra Reece's are something of an acquired taste, I'll admit. :)
Bethany - I asked our host if the halftime show was on DVR because I wanted to rewind that slide a couple times, but he didn't seem to think I needed to do that, dammit!
TwoBusy - Sadly, yes. Seriously. It was worse than ketchup and water spaghetti sauce, which I've also had there before...
DC Urban Dad - I missed the GI Joe trailer. Someone yelled out "GI Joe!" at the start of one commercial, but it turned out to be for the next Transformers movie.
WWoW - Agreed. We finally got to watch it the other night, and it was hilarious!
Ali - It was insanely distracting, wasn't it?! :)
legallyblondemel - There wasn't a vegetable in sight at this spread, unless you count the salsa in the layered bean dip. Sadly, there wasn't any beer in sight, either, so that probably explains why I ate the weight of my head in Reece's Pieces.
Christina Lee - Oh, I developed a bit of a thing for The Boss by the time it was all said and done. However, I am actually hard up, so... ;)
trueself - You can barge on in anytime you like. I don't always have Reece's Pieces, but please don't let that stop you!
Des - You can take my word for it - the microphone stand between his legs moment at the start of his show was inspired and very much appreciated by at least this viewing member of the audience!
Chris - Seth LeBeau, please report to the principal's office. Yeah. Has a nice ring to it!
kaila - By about the middle of the thii quarter, I was wearing the 3D glasses full-time!
Karen - They're just as delish melty as they are straight out of the bag, I gotta tell ya!
Pgoodness - And just as stoic and unwaivering in his facial expressions, too!
Swirl Girl - Oh, believe me, I was crushed by the Boss in a good way!
KD - I think you might have had a better time than I did, actually!
Brian - And I can never understand why it takes hours to get to the broadcast.
Under the Influence - Aside from the pain part, you have made me a wee bit jealous!
Petra - I was able to pull the rouse of staying home last year, but I couldn't feign being mysteriously ill both years, dammit! I hope you caught The Office online!
Biscuit - I believe those fall under what's called "high brow" :)
ftn - I was all, "Hey! Is the halftime show in 3D, too, because Bruce is pretty animated up there..." just before he made eye to eye (heh...so to speak) contact with the cameraman.
P.S. This is my fifth shower today.
Meg - I think my husband is STILL walking around with one for the new Capt. Kirk, but, you know, not in a girly boner kind of way. :)
clll - I'd definitely reconsider. At least the Reece's part of the equation. Seriously.
motherbumper - The only thing that trumps bra candy is bra Cheetos, but only by a very slim margin.
weirdgirl - I know, right?! Believe me, if I ever eat a big meal and then get suddenly shipwrecked, I'm going to be damn happy there's some crumbs tucked in the cleavage, that's all I'm sayin'... :)
Pam - Had that chili been in the tits, I'd have had a real big problem with that!
Dana - For good chili, I'd have carted over a big old Costco sized bag of Reece's and maybe - MAYBE - shared! :)
iMommy - I hope to invade the American lexicon, one phrase at a time! It's truly The Awesome!
bejewell - They laugh because they are stunned by your beauty and they don't know how to speak in their nervousness. That's my excuse, anyway. :)
Bee - Tool Man is going to be going to that movie alone, which, really, is how I think he wants to do it. It means he won't have to answer all my questions about it!
Savage - All in all, this was a pretty good post for you then, eh? ;)
Heather - It makes me chuckle to hear Tool Man use football terms while watching because he never watched the stuff otherwise.
Des - Damn! I missed the most perfect of perfect heh-worthy football names!
Madame Queen - I'm this close to writing Bruce a love letter, truth be told!
Stiletto Mom - I wonder if I can find a screen capture of that to make it my screensaver..
Chas - Someone at the party left their partially eaten bowl, laden with saltines, on the table near the crockpot. I applauded them quietly in my heart!
Des - And because bejewell is so adorable... :)
Mariah - All the ladies here should really start a fan club...
Carolyn - Amen.
That Girl - This is why I wish to have married and Englishman. Sure, I mean, Tool Man doesn't watch football, but still...the accent alone would be worth it! ;)
Chag - Dick Trickle! YES! Another sports name I forgot, dammit! Scoot over and make room for me on the couch for next year. I'm not sitting on a folding chair all night again this time!
HoodChick - Maybe what I need to do next year is try that money making venture next year. Baby needs her roots touched up!
Fadkog - So, what have you actually accomplished, anyway?
drewg - Here's a warning...I'm a horrible emailer...
sherendipity - ditto.
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