a random collection of items with a propensity to suck
- Vampires (natch!)
- Me using the word natch
- Knowing I'll undoubtedly be at the movie theater this weekend to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop instead of something smart and redeeming, such as Slumdog Millionaire.
- Anything released by Madonna since the Immaculate Collection
- Nuclear war
- Mispronouncing noo-klee-er
- My minivan window not going back up (55 mps x -7 = frickin' freezing)
- anything including the words "...and starring Dane Cook"
- The constant and apparently never-ending pain in my back that's now brought in my right knee as an ally in fear and intimidation
- The potential (inevitable?) rise of robots
- Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
(Wait! That's really just ironic, isn't it? I mean, can it be considered sucky, too?)
- Finding a spot in the insane parent pick-up lines when my son's school dismisses early due to weather (please, God, don't make this happen today...)
- Splattering half a pot of pasta sauce down the front of my shirt while making dinner
- Taking my shirt off to finish cooking dinner, part of which includes draining boiled water
- The hot water burn on my stomach (which is absolutely in cahoots with my other pains)
- This post
- Your additions to it in comments (because that's the point, yo!)
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 9:15 AM
65 Comments:
Wait...are you saying that my comment will suck? Or that you want me to add things that suck?
Assuming it's the second (cuz if not, I'm coming to kick your ass!) I'll add a few sucky things.
*having to work while sick
*NOT having M&Ms at my office when I NEED them
*suicide in general - but specifically the 19 year old friend of my son's that killed himself on Sunday
*waiting for news that is probably going to be bad anyway
*starting a massive paint job and NOT liking the paing color immediately
*WINTERS IN MAINE
I'm sure there is no way that by the time I finish this I will still be first. Cause that would just be too ironic. Or sucky - not sure.
I also love the word natch. And live in fear of the day the robots take over.
Sorry about all your pains. I hope you at least get the full day and do not have to deal with early dismissal!
Oh - I guess I was supposed to write about things that suck.
*NOT ending up being first when you think are going to be.
*Winter.Period. (That could actually be considered two things.)
*Not winning Powerball. (Please, God, let me win Powerball!)
Getting up early sucks. EVERY SCHOOL DAY. It sucks. (Love the weekends, though. Ahhh, sleeping in.)
Also sucky?
-- cheap batteries
-- Those weird Internet ads for things like career training classes and home mortgages featuring the weird dancing graphics. Are booty humps supposed to make me think "Hey! This weird chick getting down makes me think I can get our percentage point down, too?"
-- my obession with peanut butter
- manic/depressive Texas weather winter patterns;
- the Jonas Brothers;
- that I'm aware of who the Jonas Brothers are
Another vote for winter
Gas prices going back up
Local meterologists cutting into your favorite TV show with more "news" about the weather
(and knowing I've spelled a word wrong when it's too late...)
You should immediately retreat to the bathroom. Everything is AWESOME in here.
My daughter's cat in heat.
People that tell me shoving a Qtip up a cat's cooter when they've never tried that particular task in reality.
It's not as easy as it looks.
Waiting for the boy.
All of this sucks.
Well, the title for your post doesn't suck.
Having your wife appear as part of the background crowd in a major motion picture... but that picture turns out to be "Paul Blart, Mall Cop."
(sad but true)
You crack me up. I have no suckiness to contribute bc I am sick, sick, sick. Wait, that totally sucks...that will be my lame contribution. :)
*Snow covered driveway with no one to clear it but me (well, N helped, but that part isn't sucky so I can't include that in the item, only in the parenthetical aside afterwards)
*Temperatures with only one digit in them.
*Temperatures with a minus sign in front of them.
*Howling winds combined with said temperatures.
*Knowing your whole relationship to men in general is effed up but not really wanting to change it because change is scary.
--The weight I've put on from drinking too much Christmas Ale.
--The Crazy People I live with who drive me to drink.
--The fact that said Crazy People have discovered and now comment on my blog.
--Which drives me to drink more.
--My propensity for vicious cycles.
Ordering new "special order improved" doors for our home in November in order to save on our energy costs only to have the job still only HALF FINISHED 2 months later. Thank you very much Lowes, it's 25 below out today.
Stepping on the one popcorn kernel you couldn't find after you dropped it two weeks ago (in the middle of the floor wtf?) with your bare feet.
My city's snow removal plan. which seems to be the "Wait till June for it to melt" plan.
This post was fun. Very theraputic.
My son's school having another "early release day" for no apparent reason.
ICE on my car this morning - it's South-freakin'-Carolina!
Lack of television reception when 24 has started a new season.
In-laws coming and staying overnight!!!!!!!
Finding the house of your dreams only to have the mortgage company get their panties in a wad because they are the ones that screwed the market in the first place and now I have to deal with their knows-no-bounds idiocy.
And anything with the words "starring Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana"
-the single digits temps here
-my front door being frozen shut (glad I can get out the back door-hope my car door isn't frozen shut)
*Cold goddamn weather.
Man Dane Cook really took a nosedive huh? He used to be the darling of comedy and now everyone hates him. Such a sick turn. It must have been all of that joke stealing he did.
Kudos on the mention of vampires. Why are they so popular now?
Wait a minute. . . You drive 55 mps? As in, miles per second??? That's, like eight times faster than an orbiting spacecraft. . .
So, yeah, I guess that, combined with an open window at -7deg, would feel pretty cold. . .
And I'm with you on the creepy internet dancing ads. . .
But, don't even get me started on kids (it doesn't even have to be eight of 'em; all it takes is one) who, in their never-ending search for scotch-tape, staplers, and screwdrivers, constantly pillage the ones I've got stashed in my 'this-is-dad's-desk-touch-it-and-die'. Which is frustrating as hell (which, I sort of extrapolate that Hell is really, really frustrating, just from what I've read about it. . .)
But I guess you can decide whether that rises to the level of 'sucking'. . .
You should stay away from the kitchen for a while. I'll get you a note that excuses you. That's a lot of trauma from one meal.
Any new idea for a reality show. Especially if it's on FOX.
That's my addition. Oh yeah, sub-25 degree days in the deep South, where none of us has a thick coat. That sucks, too.
Arguing with the insurance company, when their tables say one thing and the Doctor (you know, the one that actually has the M.D., advanced degree neurosurgeon- you know, that one) says another.
Not being able to drive after 2.5 months from surgery, hence the arguing with Dr. and Ins, cuz if I can't take off this collar it's *illegal* for me to drive so how am I going to get to work?
Ice when I want to go for a walk, cuz at the moment any falls are considered major-league dangerous.
Any and all daytime television.
Not having enough of a life right now to have any good "sucky" things to list.
I too, think you're excused from meal-prep for a while, but I do like the image of you finishing said prep topless. Hmmmm. Take care of the burns!
* the fact that everyone before me said winter sucks and single digit temperature sucks and ice on your windshield sucks - and I am complaining about our current cold snap and it's 59 degrees outside.
* I suck for even mentioning the above point.
Typing out a long and hilarious comment (one handed while nursing a baby) only to have it eaten.
Robotic vacuum cleaners -- they really suck!
Ha! I make myself laugh!!
I wrote a whole post about Dane Cook being a terrible joke thief a few months ago. If you missed it, I think you should go read it.
Also, do you think he sucks more or less than nuclear war?
The fact that Bloglines just NOW told me that you published, but it happened over 4 hours ago!
It was 0 this morning and my van decides to overheat?
But it only overheated on my way BACK to work after picking up my wife and taking her in because her car broke down too.
Now I'm at work with a van that might get me home. If it stays cold enough. And it's up to 4 outside. (But I can still laugh about it!!)
Sauce stained shirt removed, steam burns on the belly and various other body parts in pain - you're lucky the UPS guy didn't walk in on your hot looking self!!
*realizing that my skinny jeans don't make me look skinny anymore...crap.
*wearing said skinny jeans anyway because they are the only ones that look cute with my new UGGS that my mom got me for Christmas.
*Admitting I love my Uggs even thought I said I would never own a pair.
I find it disconcerting that we're using the word "suck" in such a negative manner, whilst sucking, in many ways, can be such a glorious thing.
Sucky things
*Any reality television on VH1. When did this channel become trashy? I used to watch VH1 because MTV never played videos and now I get to see Bret Michaels (I have a receding hairline so I must wear this bandana) try to marry a stripper. My god.
*J being out of town for the week, coming home for two days, then LEAVING AGAIN. I hate Indiana.
*My conversion to a geriatric driver anytime it snows. I hate winter
*Leaks under my sink.
*The Auto Show
*An empty coffepot
I could not stop laughing at the thought of you taking off your shirt to finish cooking dinner and then burning your stomach. Damn.
I got the call two hours ago letting me know my kiddos would be getting an early dismissal with the possibility (capital P there) of no school tomorrow. AUGH!!! Then they have Monday off. Both of those...suck.
Hang in there and enjoy your movie.....I kinda want to see it to and know I will be acting like a 12 year old boy laughing at the body function jokes. heeheehee
dawn
Who the heck is Dane Cook? At least no one can say I suck for liking him (or her)..........
* People who ask if you really have 10,000 spoons, and if so, what 10,000 spoons look like.
* The very primitive robots that are currently the "state of the art". I don't think we need to worry about them taking over for a long time yet.
Losing out on sleep because I have to work a crappy night job.
Every idea I've had for a blog post in the last month. Hence only two posts so far.
Being told by the ultrasound tech last night that having a baby die isn't that bad since you already have two other boys.
Two words: back labor.
Also: mayhap in labor? I f*cking hope so.
*my husband's snoring, resulting in lack of sleep today
*sick kids
*bad traffic (as in 40 minutes to go 3 miles this morning; made me cranky)
*85 degree weather in January (it's just so wrong)
*headaches (see first sucky thing)
Since I'm turning over a new leaf, and trying to look on the bright side, here are things that don't suck, just for you, fadkog:
*APRONS!!!!!
*feigning illness and asking a friend to pick up child from school in bad weather
Hugs.
* People who drive 10 mph under the speed limit when it hasn't even started snowing and you're already running late.
* Snow starting after arriving at work and continuing on ALL FREAKIN DAY
* People who bitch about it being 85 when it won't even be 8 here tomorrow
-30 degree weather
having a husband in vegas and being alone with 3 kids and a puppy until sunday!
boo!
This is a lustable post...
Vacuums suck, too.
* slipping in the snow and having to go change your pants, making you late for work
* sliding your car out of the driveway because the tires are only making contact with ice
* my post from yesterday
* half done piles of laundry
* being so cold that your tires freeze flat
* running out of oreo double stuffs
I'd better shut up, or I won't have anything to post for today.
*nose bleeds
*work
*mother freakin nature!
I hope not to see the rise of robots. I can't run very fast anymore. :o(
* my son screeching, "I want my DS!"
* "The Simpsons" being pre-empted by football
* being so late in commenting here (it was a looooooong day, girl, sorry)
* the fact that it hasn't snowed in almost 2 weeks and their are still sidewalks covered in snow. Shovel your freaking sidewalks people!
* both kids waking up only an hour after I put them to bed.
* a flat tire on the stroller
* spilling coffee down the front of my wool coat.
* being late for Delurking Day.
Getting stuck in the carpool line at school when you're not picking up your kids in carpool.
Dropping shit. (usually from carrying too much)
My gas bill this month.
Actually, 10,000 spoons when you need a knife is just inconvienient. Ironic would be finding a knife in the midst of 10,000 spoons and being too germphobic to touch it because it's filthy.
Sucky is when your kid is crying and screaming with night terrors and you know that all you can do is ride it out. I've had to go through that with 1/2 my kids.
By the way, 85 degree winter is okey dokey with me!
Being told to quit caffeine by every doctor you have when you know that is seriously the only thing keeping you alive
a new dog that you thing the sun rises and sets with until she follows you around the house. Everywhere. Including the bathroom
My wife is the only one that can make the window go all the way up in one of our cars. She's got the magic touch. Maybe I can send her your way.
how about this?
you just put your baby to sleep, you tip toe away, crack a beer, flip on the internet, start to read, and
whine.........................
good times.
The series finale of Californication (hasn't Showtime realized by now I HAVE NO PATIENCE), always being the last person to comment on a post, finding a sippie cup filled with milk when it's been left in the van for 3 days, Paris Hilton, and knowing you aren't going to Blissdom.
I can think of a lot of things that suck... you, however, are tits.;)
Oh yeah, I'm sooooo seeing that spectacle mall cop movie. My brain is mush now after sitting through Dora and Batman cartoons. I couldn't even fathom Slumdog Millionaire. Yes, I'm afraid I'm all about a portly dude on a segway.
OK, here's my sucky comment:
First I would like to say I am under Jenbo right now, so HOO-RAH!
Second, my minivan window did the same thing recently and is currently taped up like a white trash hoopty van.
Third, I am now following you. Be prepared. You may be my next victim.
Show me your boobs!
Anonymous comments.
Discovering someone you know has a nail clipping collection.
Crusty condiment containers.
And I see you've played knifey-spoon before....
Songs on the radio (also:music videos, tv shows and commercials) which feature the sound of a ringing phone - specifically MY ringing phone, either cell or house variety.
WHY must they torture me?
- earworms (today's selection was by Journey)
- rashes (especially the ones under your wedding ring)
- optical migraine inducing ham
- going to bed by 8:30 because you are afraid of your 6-month-old waking up in the next two hours (yeah, sleep - get while you can grab it)
I'm sure someone has said this, but it actually isn't ironic, lol.
Also, sidenote, Mall Cop was filmed at the mall in the town I grew up in.
Oh, and the rise of robots IS inevitable. Surrender now.
WWoW - You got it right! I knew you would. If I had some M&Ms, I'd get them to you!
DCD - Second is pretty dang close! I wish I had a buck to play Powerball!
Under the Influence - I completely agree, even though I was up at 8 a.m., today.
FADKOG - Seriously. It's time you backed away from the peanut butter jar. Put the knife down...
legallyblondemel - Whoa, whoa, whoa! The Jonas Brothers?! Suck?! What are you talking about!?! :)
Cocotte - Gas is about 40 cents higher than it's been in awhile here. I think this sucks, too.
FADKOG - How in the world did you get A's in your editing classes, anyway?
bejewell - We look so pretty in that bathroom, don't we. I have fantastically pouty lips in that mirror!
Redneck Mommy - I've never heard the 'Q-Tip in the Cooter' rule, but that's almost enough to break me off my made Q-Tip eargasm lust!
Chris - Thank you; however, I hope that, by saying just that, you don' think what's under the title sucks!
TwoBusy - That is, indeed, sad. However, take heart in the fact that your wife is in the number 1 in the nation right now. That's a resume padder!
The Stiletto Mom - I hope you're feeling better from your sucky contribution! :)
trueself - way to bury your lead there, true!
Prefers Her Fantasy Life - Ah, how I love a good spin on a vicious cycle!
Chas - I used to live in a town with a similar snow removal policy. They'd mound the snow down the center of the roads. How fun driving was when you couldn't see into the intersections.
Bunny - Gah! I hope you've been able to catch up with Jack Bauer online. Good luck with the inlaw respite, too.
Anissa - Word and word!
Christina - My front door was frozen shut, too. However, this was the first day I've left the house since Tuesday (which is kind of sucky in it's own right!)
Donny - Emo teen vampires filling most books I shelve seem to have kickstarted their hearts. Sad, but true.
Des - I have a pretty space ship parked in the garage right now. It gets me where I need to go quickly, but the gas situation sucks (see that thing about me actually pulling A's in editing class up there!)
Heinous - Excused from cooking!? Get me an entire notepad worth of notes, won't you?! :)
Father Muskrat - I hear that temps like that make having a Snuggli a nice perk. :)
Sailor - I can't imagine how nice it's going to be for you to finally get an all-clear on what you've been dealing with. I hope that won't suck when the day comes!
kaila - Ha! I'd be happy to have either 5 or 9 degree days right now!
Heather - Having had entire blog posts eaten, I concur. It sucks big time.
Phyllis - You make me laugh, too. My cousin actually has one of those. I've always wondered how great they are. I'd run them constantly if they rocked.
Shonda - I remember reading that. I think he probably sucks more. However, in the event of nuclear war, I predict Dan Cook will be among the lone army of survivors.
Biscuit - Ah, honey, truly, it had only been about three hours! You're happily welcomed at any time!
Brian - You had an ultimately sucky day, and I got a break in the fact that the UPS man had shown up around lunch time!
KD - I've sworn I'd never want a pair of UGGS, but lately, as cold as it's been in my house, I've been kind of obsessed with having some.
ftn - Oh, I concur. Sucking on popsicles is one of the greatest things ever. So is sucking on ice cubes. Additionally woodwind instruments are delightful for sucking.
Meg - God help me, I am so in on VH1's Rock of Love Bus and Confessions of A Teen Idol. The suckitude is fantastic!
Owens Family Adventures - My kids go back to school, finally, on Monday. That certainly doesn't suck!
Reinvent Dad - Dane Cook is a comedian with a handful of 'meh' movies to his credit. Kudos to you for not knowing who he is, and for coming by to say so!
Brian - Answer - 10,000 spoons look like a hell of a lot of spoons. Also, combined, they look like a really sucky robot.
MadWoman - But look at the people you've dealt with at that crappy night job who've fueled some posts!
Mandy - The absolute stunning suckitude of that renders me speechless...
Aunt Becky - Been there, done that, totally understand.
Claire - I definitely need a cute little June Cleaver-esque apron, for sure!
HoodChick - What also sucks is I haven't had the chance to get over to your blog like I should!
Ali - It also sucks when there's no Dad around on a night when a kid has a test to study for. Guess what I did last week? :)
Savage - Vacuums absolutely suck. You absolutely don't.
Mandy Lou - What also sucks is trying to stay off Double Stuff Oreos in the first place, and wanting them very much these days.
Bee - When - not if - the robots rise, I'm screwed, too. My knee, and my overall dislike of running, makes me an obvious target.
Always Home - Anytime you show up, dear, is a good time!
Sandi - I didn't even know it was DeLurking Day until the middle of the actual day. I'm glad you delurked!
Merecat - Having navigated the carpool line in both circumstances, I can only whole-heartedly agree. And shudder.
Fu Manchu Dad - I've never experienced the night terror thing with my kids, but having read about them, I extend my sympathies for that.
WM - Perhaps you and train that attentive pooch to carry a small tray of coffee on it's back for you!
Chag - I would gladly take whatever voodoo she could do on that damn window.
PapaTV - It never ends, my friend. It never ends...
Sammanthia - See! You weren't last afterall! I've never seen Californication, but want to. I also want to go to Blissdom, but can't swing it. To meet you and others would be more tits than me!
steenky bee - Were you one of those people who helped make Paul Blart: Mall Cop number one in the nation this weekend?
Petra - Jen and I will have an unholy union! You just watch (assuming you can take your eyes off my boobs!) I'm waiting for you to highlight my Reader, too, btw!
Motherbumper - Gah! I'm strangely compelled to find out how you learned of this nail clipping collection!
Mary Ellen - My husband's cell phone ringtone is set to the music from The Exorcist. Talk about creepy when someone misdials in the middle of the night!
Lollie - Ain't no earworm like a Journey earworm! Also, I get that same damn finger rash under my wedding ring, too. Half the time in the winter, I can't even wear my ring.
iMommy - I think we're totally screwed when it comes to robots. Where's Will Smith when you need him?
i remember when madonna rocked the neon and big ass bows. those were the days....
i dunno the word natch and frankly i'm afraid to click the link...reminds me of..nevermind.
i hate hot water burns but i totally stick my face in the vicinity when i pour water...cheap facial.
hope your back and knee stop acting up.
i dont wanna get old..can you imagine the pains then???
I love the words 'propensity' and 'natch'! And 'nosh'.
kimmy - If getting older means hurting more than I already have these past couple of months, I'm as good as dead. Totally doomed! I also remember when Madonna was the bushy browed, plastic braceleted girl - I never thought she'd still be around today when I'd see her videos back then!
goodfather - I have a propensity to say the word natch too much. I also nosh too much, too!
yo in terms of my trying to NOT suck I want to recommend a book that I just read and I love, love, LOVE! You might have read it already but in case not....READ "Then We Came to the End" by Joshua Ferris. Read it, READ IT!
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