things i learned while watching the super bowl, which, truth be told, i didn't care about. at all.*

*alternate title: Just wrap your legs under this Not An Official Snuggie slanket and strap your hands across this book because I'd have preferred staying home rather than watching the Super Bowl

• Watching a game you don't understand with a roomful of armchair quarterbacks is not The Awesome, as evidenced by the schooling I took from the roomful of men after inquiring about when Kurt Warner (whose name I only know because he's an Iowa boy) would be taking the field. Huh. So, let me see if I've got this straight - football is a game of offense and defense? Good to know.
• A can of tomato juice and a can of beans does not a pot of chili make.
• Hey, Biggest Armchair Quarterback Of Them All, I know there's a vague similarity there, but Steeler's Coach Mike Tomlin is not, in fact, in this Pepsi commercial with Bob Dylan. That would be will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. Don't fight me on this and insist Tomlin had time to actually film a soft drink commercial:

• Also? Tomlin actually looks more like Omar Epps, that dude who plays Dr. Foreman on House.
• Apparently Heroes starts up again on Monday.
• If I were a dude, I'd pretty much demand my name be Dick LeBeau, for that name is LeAwesome.
• Sitting on a folding chair for four hours to watch the game I didn't want to go watch in the first place is about as comfortable as I imagine a bunch of men who've run around and tackled each other for as long must feel. I'd have liked to call a flag on the sofa at some point in the action.
• Fine church-going folks in the room with me probably won't chuckle at the GoDaddy.com commercials, but Seth and I will.
• Reece's Pieces that fall into your bra during the first quarter of the game make for a delicious treat when you discover them in the middle of the third quarter. Mmmmm....melty!
• Tool Man totally over analyzes commercials. Yes, dear, it's feasibly impossible for a a team of grasshoppers to cart off a bottle of coke. Get over it now.
• Apparently wishing super hard that Bruce won't perform Glory Days during his 12-minute half-time extravaganza won't keep it from happening.
• Bruce is like my crazy uncle from from Jersey. If I had a crazy uncle from Jersey, that is.
• There's a pretty good chance I got a wee bit of a girly boner for Bruce after he slid across the stage a couple times.
• Tool Man got a boy boner when he saw the commercial for the new Star Trek movie. Good to know he's still capable of such a thing.
• Did I mention the Reece's Pieces in the bra thing? You know you'd eat them, too.