$#*! that dude buys
I stopped at the grocery store yesterday afternoon, capping off a morning spent running various errands by picking up ingredients for a couple different dinner options. When I was done aimlessly wandering the aisles and resisting the siren call of the ice cream freezers, I made my way to a cashier to complete my purchase.
As I was making pleasant small talk about the day, the weather, and my items with her, I felt the presence of another person behind me. Not unusual, of course, in such a setting, but this particular presence felt uncomfortably close.
"Someone's in a real toot," I thought, sliding my debit card through the machine.
A toot, indeed! Before I could step forward to grab my handy recyclable bag filled with goods, I felt the other shopper's cart nipping at my heels, so I turned to face this most anxious foe. Before my eyes even hit upon the person behind the cart, they landed upon the items in his cart.
Fifteen cans of peanuts and 12 bottles of prune juice.
Let me just repeat that, OK?
Fifteen cans of peanuts and 12 bottles of prune juice! Seriously. I counted.
I mean, really?!
From there, my eyes flew upward to see a smiling, greasy-haired, jovial man clearly eager to make his purchases and go.
I was honesty frozen in my spot, fighting the urge to ask the man what sort of terrifying cocktail hour he was setting himself up for. I can't imagine anyone's gastrointestinal system could be strong enough to withstand the powerful force a combination of peanuts and prune juice could have on the body. I'd think your colon would have to be made of industrial grade metals or Terminator parts. I thought my mind might actually explode coming up with all the different ways this combination couldn't be good for one's body, but then I feared any explosion that resulted from the moment this shopper and I we were unwittingly sharing, and so I grabbed my bag and made to leave.
What was in MY bag, you ask? Why, just everything I needed to make a massive pot of chili! Chili so good it's been known to cause one's insides to start singing like angels on high mere moments after consumption!
(Except for mine, of course, for while the title of this blog may include the word 'girl,' I am nothing if not a lady)
I guess the moral of this story, if there is one, is that it doesn't really matter what any of us have in our shopping carts, at the end of the day (or perhaps first thing in the morning) we're all the same in the end.
(Here's where I might be inclined to say something like 'Rim shot!' and end things, but that would be wrong. Because I am a lady...I just felt like I should maybe remind you of that...)
Labels: Aww nuts