...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

this deserves a title, but it's late & I've used fewer words than this the last four days

I watch him scurry down the block in the late afternoon sun and try to decode his fluttery hops and line-defying skips to determine which of two goals he’s hoping to accomplish - secretly outrun his lengthening shadow, or keep ahead of his father, who has a tendency to move at a slower pace at all times except when he’s walking 10 paces ahead of me, an invisible crown bouncing atop his head.

He pauses to thrust his left arm in the air like Judd Nelson striding triumphantly across the football field at the end of The Breakfast Club, and for a second, I can’t tell the difference between the neon orange exoskeleton that is his cast-clad appendage and the sun gleaming between the changing leaves. His boisterous greetings to neighbors are so loud; his personality even more so, it makes me wonder if the camouflage pants and military green shirt he’s wearing feels inclined to give up the fight. It must be difficult to blend into the surroundings when you’re constantly peeking outside safe cover.

If that isn’t enough ammunition to get him noticed, surely the humongous purple and yellow wig, procured at the previous evening's homecoming game through a series of hypnotizing blinks of his big brown eyes and a chorus of repeated pleases, has to be. The synthetic cloud orbits his tiny head like a halo of dandelion fluff blowing in the day's breeze, falling over those same big brown eyes with each fluttery hop and line-defying skip. It's a bold fashion statement that compels the neighbor three houses down to pause from his chores to chuckle and smile broadly at my boy.

Mercy, child. I surrender.

The sight of him running carefree through the neighborhood with his bright orange arm and Crayola coif made me happy, but an equally large part of me was jealous. I don't know at what age some of us let self-consciousness slip in to take over our spirit, but I dread knowing it could be any time now for my young boy. And me? I feel like I buried my brightly colored wig, whatever it might have been, some time ago, then forgot to mark the spot so I could go back and find it one day. More often than not today, I feel like I purposely mute my colors. Keep my head down. Don't dare run through the streets. It's been black here lately. So very, very black. But there's a boy without any cares in a purple and yellow wig who makes me want to try and brighten things up.

Or at least wave a white flag.

Labels:

26 Comments:

Blogger The Savage said...

This is a beautiful post.

Monday, October 04, 2010 3:12:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

This makes me miss my little boy, who is now a big boy and not nearly as fun and carefree as he used to be :(

Monday, October 04, 2010 5:37:00 AM  
Blogger unmitigated me said...

I don't think I was ever that willing and eager to be noticed. Good for him. Some kids keep that even through high school. Good for you for giving him such a secure base that he can do that.

Monday, October 04, 2010 5:59:00 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

This didn't need a title at all. I'm sorry things have been black lately. I'm glad you have a little rainbow boy to lighten things up a bit.

What a beautifully written piece of love.

Monday, October 04, 2010 6:24:00 AM  
Blogger SciFi Dad said...

Great post. I watch my kids live life with a similar sense of awe, even as my daughter slowly allows what other people think to influence her choices.

Monday, October 04, 2010 8:31:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

God, in His mercy, gives us our kids (every last one of 'em!) just to remind us of what's really important sometimes.

And you wrote it so beautifully, too.

Hope the blackness dries up and blows away, ASAP. . . ;)

Monday, October 04, 2010 8:37:00 AM  
Blogger Bex said...

What a gorgeous snapshot of your day. Even if I don't wear an orange and purple wig, I wish I had the spring of step that one might have to wear one - and I hope you do too.

Monday, October 04, 2010 9:15:00 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

This is a wonderful post! I just want to hug your son and hug you, too!

Monday, October 04, 2010 9:32:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Wonderful post, so beautifully written. I could see it happening. Sorry you are feeling black, but now you are a bright spot in your family's (and my own) day.

Monday, October 04, 2010 11:44:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

Speechless.

Monday, October 04, 2010 11:44:00 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

So sad, and so true. The light will shine again, just keep looking for it.

Monday, October 04, 2010 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Did the brightly coloered wig match the drapes?

Wait was that wrong?

I kid. Excellent post.

Monday, October 04, 2010 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Love this!

Monday, October 04, 2010 4:59:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

This is beautiful, what a wonderful thing to recognize, and lovingly expressed.

Sorry to hear things are black; tain't easy sometimes, you're in my prayers-

Monday, October 04, 2010 7:48:00 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Black days call for highlights in your hair and purple nail polish.

Hope it's brighter today...

Monday, October 04, 2010 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

LOVE this! Your muted colors will turn bright again, my dear ;--)*hugs*

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 6:55:00 AM  
Blogger the weirdgirl said...

Your wig must not be buried too deeply... so many parents would only allow their child to wear the wig inside where no one could see them.

I really hope the black lightens up for you. Big hugs.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Laggin said...

*swoon*

I missed you.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 4:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You haven't lost your touch.
FL
or your ridiculously long word verifications

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 5:40:00 PM  
Blogger Homemaker Man said...

He is awesome. I'm picturing his face and arm from a pic you put up a while ago, brainphotoshopping it using your descriptors, and grinning.

And, if I took the time to point out all the loveliness in this post, I'd be late to go pick up my wife.

And, one of the things that gets me moving, when I have a (admittedly) mild case of bad thoughts, is a new post of yours.

So, for whatever that's worth . . . anyway, hope you feel better.

Squeeze that little joy bag of a kid for me.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Kids do have a way of chasing the black away don't they? And as for the boldness of wearing that wig so proudly, it just means someone raised him just right...and that matters more than anything in the world!

Wednesday, October 06, 2010 3:32:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Savage - Thank you.

Cocotte - I have a front row seat to both sides of that extreme here. I can be a dramatic show.

unmitigated me - I hope he keeps this. I truly, truly do.

Cheryl - Thank you.

SciFi Dad - It's a weird experiment to watch, isn't it?

Craig - Wish it would dry up, too. It's been around longer than I like and others realize.

Bex - I wish I had it in me to not hide that springy step within these walls when I do feel it.

Pat - Thank you. You'd have to bargain for a hug from him more than with me.

Meg - Thank you, sweet lady. I appreciate your words.

Aunt Juicebox - Honestly? Me, too.

Always - Looking high and low. And sometimes in between. Thank you...

William - There may have been some smirking upon reading your comment.

Anna - Thank you.

Sailor - I appreciate them. Thank you.

Tracey - I've been considering a deep, dark purple polish. I could afford to go a bit lighter, I suppose.

Christina - I saw some nice pink in the sky tonight. Maybe that can be part of them.

weirdgirl - He's an unstoppable force. Wig or no wig. Thanks for your hugs.

Laggin - That makes me feel, well, swoon-like.

FL - Oh, to be honest, I feel like I have. I DID try to lose the word verification, but that unleashed the demons! Good to see you sneak in.

Homemaker Man - Wow...I feel very unworthy, but incredibly thankful, for your very, very kind words.

Stiletto Mom - I hope he's gotten enough of that spirit stored up that it stays with him for a long time, that he isn't just dancing alone in the kitchen, but anywhere else he damn well pleases.

Thursday, October 07, 2010 9:58:00 PM  
Blogger justmakingourway said...

I do find those little buggers can ease some of the blackness when it rolls in like a fog.

I love wigs. Love you too.

Friday, October 08, 2010 8:45:00 PM  
Blogger Edie Kate said...

Beautiful, and sad. I feel this too.

Monday, October 11, 2010 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

justmakingourway - I think it's part of what makes those little buggers so damn awesome, wigs or no wigs (though I'm definitely in favor).

Also? Right back at you.

Edie Kate - Thank you, and though I wish we didn't have to feel this way, it's some comfort to know others understand.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:40:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I think about this all the time. I love that effortless joy and it really does make me sad to think of the day it will be replaced by self conscious maturity.

Friday, October 22, 2010 12:01:00 PM  

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